Kincaid Chronicle

28th February 2006

(Season 14 Game 10)

Hello and welcome punters to another instalment of the Kincaid Chronicles, always a riveting read!*

*May not actually bear any resemblance to excitement, let along rivets.

Well, as Your Captain For The Night (YCFTN), there was no toss of the coin, the umpire was running late and under a gentleman’s agreement, Tim from the Weston Club (our opponents for the evening) selected his side to field and our side to bat. Seems fair…

Now, before the game go under way, there was discussion about the theme for the night being “C’mon, get happy” which, judging by the dress sense of The Chad and Dubbya, went too far, but bonus points must go to Boof (if there were any) for producing a record (yes, the vinyl type) of The Patridge Family, complete with record cover to match. While Boof wouldn’t reveal his source for such a relic, me thinks he’s had this in storage for some time just waiting for a theme night to bring it out. I wonder if he’s had the record burnt to CD…??? Still, I think Reuben should endeavour to somehow with modern technology, get a screen print made up that reflects the album cover and it becomes our alternative strip (ie Winter) to the summer Wife Beaters.

So, in the House of Blooooodyfaaaaaaarkin a little after six-fiddy, we welcome The Chad back to the fold after an absence of Da Famulee due to outdoor cricket commitments and it seemed only appropriate that we observe his form with the bat, as he opens with Dubbya.

And what a fine opening it was, with their 1st two overs producing some dazzling side net work from the lads that then became unstuck as The Chad was bowled, run-out and caught while Dubbya faired not much better, losing valuable runs in their 4th over of the partnership by being stumped and then run-out the very next ball. Shouts of “That’s not a zak” could be heard from the sidelines of the SCG and sadly, there would be no zaks as our opening partnership heralds a total of 9 runs.

“Well”, says YCFTN, “Gaz and Pablo, you’re in next.” By this time, confusion reigned as there was loose discussion as to whether Gaz was selected to play, would be the Super-Sub or was de-listed at the last moment, as Da Famulee was officially lining up with 7 players, but in true Gaz form, he’s in for the long haul.

Of course, Pabs wasn’t too happy about having to bat, given that he’d just opened a stubbie, but Sticks said he’d make sure it’d be there for him at the end, and sure enough, it was. Pabs needed the drink, as he worked the ball out of the block-hole nicely a couple of times to give Gaz the strike, and what a good idea that was! Not once, not twice, but three times did Gaz slam the ball into the back net for zaks. “Five to equal” we sounded out, but alas, their 4 overs were up and after 8 overs Da Famulee had a total of 48 runs.

By this stage, YCFTN had decided that he was going bat last with Sticks (‘cos he’s a bitch and YCFTN reminded him so…), so that meant that Bukkake and Boof would be our 3rd pair. Given the previous week’s efforts from Bukkake (he managed minus16 runs with the bat) surely he couldn’t go backwards from here. Sure enough, he and Boof got off to a flyer. Their 1st over together produced 16 runs, then another 6 runs in their 2nd over together. Add 15 runs for their 3rd over, including a zak from Bukkake, while their 4th over produced zip, as Boof only got to face 3 deliveries. Still, a good effort and a skin of 37 runs and we’re 85 runs after 12 overs.

Final batting pair of Sticks and Forrest (YCFTN) strode out to the field. There was some mumblings/allegations from Sticks that YCFTN didn’t know the rules, but as it turns out, the rules to rock, paper, scissors (or something). As usual, YCFTN thinks rocks, paper, scissors is a crap game, usually reserved for aging types in piss-smelling retirement homes, and takes the lead by facing up first. A cautious start sees each lose their wicket, their 2nd over not much better, but we soon make up for our shortcomings by each registering a zak and some fine side net action for a partnership of 21 runs.

So, after our allotted 16 overs, we’ve managed triple figures on the scoreboard (which hasn’t been flashing) for 106 runs.

So, a quick change over and YCFTN continues the welcome for The Chad back to Da Famulee as he’s given the task of opening the bowling, and what a good start it was too. The Chad picks up wicket, then Gaz takes the 2nd over. (His decision/our selection process to have Gaz fill the 8th spot was fortuitous) Gaz gets the ball through 3 times to bowl the opposition and split the stumps beautifully. Boo-Cake, who was dreading to bowl the 1st and 16th overs actually came out from behind the stumps to take the 3rd over. Despite a wicket to Bukkake, he bowled without luck while Dubbya took over number 4, again without luck. After the Weston Clubs 1st 4 overs, they were on 19 runs and had taken the skin.

Enter their next batters and YCFTN knew it was time to trick the opposition into a false sense of security, so, Pabs opens up. Great over from the big man with 2 run-outs against his name on the scoresheet and we all know the scoresheet never lies! Forrest (Your Captain For The Night) chucks some fruit down the pitch and deservedly gets zak’d but gets a wicket or two, Sticks follows-up with some soup-perb pace and also gets zak’d and the Boof rounds out the 8th over with a wicket, but unfortunately, also a few get through to the nets. By this stage, Weston Dud, er, Club were on a total of 29 runs and we’ve secured the skin.

Into the 9th over and a new batting partnership awaits us, so basing the efforts of Gaz’s first over, he starts his 2nd. Hoping for a repeat performance, it wasn’t to be and his 2nd over cost 16 runs. Dubbya’s 2nd over was straight with no room for the batsmen to move with “wuuuuns” and “twooooos” against his name. YCFTN gets zak’d with the 1st ball of his 2nd over (phuck-it!) but then picks up 3 wickets thanks to some fine catching, while Pabs bowls over number 12 and fruit gets wickets as they say. 2 catches off Pab’s bowling and after 2 overs, Western Club have a total of 41 runs and we secure another skin.

Surely we couldn’t lose it from here!

Their final batting pair come out and they need something in the vicinity of 65 runs to tie and 66 to win in their allotted 4 overs. Surely….

As it turned out, they nearly did it and Da Famulee nearly snatched defeat from the jaws of victory!

Boof had an expensive 2nd over with the ball, Sticks’ 2nd over never produced a wicket, YCFTN dropped a catch (cha-ching) while Bukkake bowled his 2nd over which would’ve given us some breathing space on the scoreboard, but The Chad came in with over 16 (much to Boo-Cakes relief – he was sure he was getting that honour) and bowled a tight line with several ‘dot balls’ to secure a win.

Final scores:

Partridge Family – 106 runs
Weston Club – 101 runs

Gaz – 30 runs
Bukkake – 25 runs
Forrest – 19 runs
Boof – 12 runs
Dubbya – 11 runs
Pablo – 9 runs
Sticks – 2 runs
The Chad – minus 2 runs

Gaz – 3/10
Pablo – 4/-5
Sticks – 2/12
Boof – 1/30
The Chad – 1/15
Forrest – 5/-2
Bukkake – 1/25
Dubbya – 1/16

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