Kincaid Chronicle

23rd August 2005

(Season 13 Game 15)

As your CRAPtain for the night, I'll agree, Mary's bowling was pretty tripe. And to add to the tripe we had pies and fruit served up on big platters. And didn't the big bum's eyes light up at the sight of the feast. The big bums dined eloquently. Showing table manners that have never been seen this far north of Narrendra. On the odd occasion there was a hiccup, as a big bum lost a wicket or two. But this was a smorgasbord, and the next pie was just down the other end of the court.

Mary couldn't get out of the way quick enough of a couple of fine edges, and the ball lodged in his glove for the Famulee to all go up with a big 'Hoorah' or something akin. Another time Mary defied the laws of gravity and kinetic energy to force himself to fall to the ground quicker then relatively possible to save a gold coin. And then there was a couple of 'kitty fillers' spilt to the floor by a number of players. Apart from that, the bowling and fielding was rather mundane and not worthy of comment. We had kept them to an achievable target by Famulee standards, or had we?

Forest and I had other plans. We gave ourselves the simple skin of 15. We couldn't massacre that could we, SURELY? I got out, I got out again, out, bowled whilst trying to kick the ball away after playing a shot half an hour too early, run out, caught. I think the only methods of dismissal I avoided were stumped and 'knucklecad'. No 'man' would ever stoop so low, so as your current captain, the term henceforth will be known as 'knucklecad'... well atleast while I still have the keys to da famulee. Forest wasn't much better, but he actually made a positive. By this stage I'd lost interest in the game. The big bums were cheating, using umpires and MHamood, surely thats got to be short to be anglocised version of Mohammed or Muhammed as fill ins (surely he's got to be a terrorist?). And they took wickets with gay abandon... yes, I'm calling into question half the big bums seshooalitys (maybe just the left cheek) cause most are disgruntled Famulee members that never made the first grade and prostituted their bats to the insurgents, like the cheap whores of cricket they are.

I'm just rambling now*. I remember we won our two big skins, lost the two little ones and lost the game. The only thing that made it palatable was the fact that captain big bum bevo was out injured with a sore hand. And his personal losing streak against the might and power of the famulee is still intact.

My BOG for the night would have gone to the stumps at the bowlers end, closely followed by the pizza sign. After that, it was a fairly mediocre effort... and I'm proud of you all

CRAPtain Boof

* had to include the mandatory fine print. and was just dribbling crap cause I didn't have the score sheet
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