Kincaid Chronicle

21st June 2005

(Season 13 Game 6)

Hello readers! Despite my intentions of preparing a “Media Release” for distribution to Australia’s more respectable newspapers and broadcast outlets praising a return for mediocre form prior to Game 6 in Season 13, as your big ‘C’ for the night, I felt the extra pressure would be too much for our selected side of Forrest (C), Schlang, Bukkake, Boof, birthday boy Herschelle, Sticks, Queen Mary & Knuckles. Given that Boof had attempted a formula for victory a couple of games earlier, I was certain we were doomed to yells of “Surely we couldn’t lose it from here!” in the House of Blooooddddyyyyyyfaaaaaaaaaaaarkin. Oh, and did I mention the kitty would be a winner on the night? Oh, yes, this game is another of the Blooooooooodddyfaaaaaaaaaaarkin grading games. As if he really needs to know that we’re not worthy of any grade lower than ‘G’.

And so it was chronicled….

Da Famulee of above selected side gathered at the bar on a chilly Canberra night for our 5:30pm game. (I question Bloooooodddyyyfaaaaarkin’s clock as it’s obviously stuck with the big hand on the 6 and the little hand on the 5 – we always seem to play at 5:30pm). Enter Knuckles with an introduction of, “I’ve had a c..t of a day” which was to become evident later in the field when attempts at run-outs just weren’t going his way….but that’s another story.

We win the toss and bat against the Yobs, a side with only 5 players to begin with. The usual cry of “Anyone without a drink in their hand can open” saw Boof and Hersch stroll downstairs from the bar and walk onto the MCG. I was surprised only 6 of our 8 selected players had beers, given that Sticks was buying!

You’d think that with 5 opposition players, runs aplenty would be scored, and so it was duly noted from high above the MCG, that birthday boy Hersch and Boofa took to the Yobs with much gusto. (Actually, more gusto was seen from Bukkake later with the bat). A steady start of wuuuuuns and 2’s in the first over, followed by a Herschelle zak in the second over, beautiful edge work and a couple of run-outs, saw our 1st pair amass a 32 run partnership. Although with a limted field by the Yobs, your ‘C’ for the night felt that a few extra stolen runs were on the cards, but alas, they weren’t to be.

Given Knuckles’ state of mind, your ‘C’ felt it was timely to champion the Famulee cause and pair up for the 2nd set of overs. Oh, and the ‘C’ hadn’t batted with the big fella for some time.

By now, the Yobs had another 2 players in the field, taking their total to 7 players, making those extra stolen runs a bit more of a challenge. Still, off to a flyer was Captain Forrest with a beautiful zak in the first over and some lofty hitting from Knuckles which also resulted in a 1st over zak. The bowling faced saw the ball swinging more than a busted dunny-door in a force 10 cyclone, yet another Forrest zak, a slamming back net 5 from Knuckles and a couple of ‘outs’ saw the pair finish with a partnership of 43 runs.

3rd pairing for Da Famulee of Sticks and Schlang promised soooo much, yet we were let down by a first ball out to Sticks, cementing his Season 13 form as ‘crap’ and not likely to regain the Tooth. Schlang, showing much better form to Sticks, showed how to hit a zak in their 1st over together. Very tidy work Schlangy! Just what the Captain ordered! A few dot balls in their partnership were recorded (the scoresheet never lies) but towards the end, Sticks had managed to thrill the masses with a zak against his name also, Schlang was bowled by the swinging ball and the guys ended up with a partnership of 36 runs.

After 12 overs, we had racked up triple figures. The Scoreboard wasn’t flashing anywhere and it showed 111 runs.

Final pair of Bukkake and Queen Mary (Andy) fill the void of trying to keep the score in triple figures. Surely we couldn’t go backwards from here? Their 1st over together was off to a flyer, although Andy’s ability to run like a flyer is somewhat sadly lacking…but I guess it doesn’t matter when the first ball faced is zaked into the back net! Cries of “7 to equal” were heard from the gallery. It was obviously too much for Queen Mary, as he didn’t hit another zak, and for that matter, Bukkake, didn’t register a zak for the night at all. Bukkake did though, at every opportunity, try to smack the ball as a hard as possible against some tight bowling from the Yobs, it all coming undone in the 16th over when some beautiful top-edge work from Bukkake’s bat resulted in easy catches for the opposition. A solid innings from QM and Bukkake saw their partnership produce 49 runs from their 4 overs.

After 16 overs, the Famulee had reached 160 runs. Surely we couldn’t lose it from here………???? Could the Famulee record a victory in this series of ‘Grading Games’, given a form thus far? Only time would tell….

So, your ‘C’ gives Boof the ball to open the bowling and immediately it’s belted back, through the fingers of your ‘C’, with a 1st ball “Cha-Ching” duly noted. Mental note to self: “Don’t have Boof open again”. Still, Boof picks up a run-out in his first over, then Schlang snares a wicket, Queen Mary picks up a run-out and a catch and your ‘C’ bowls the 4th over, again to the delight of the kitty. Another dropped catch, a zak against his bowling (D’oh!) but then snares the catch of the night. Just when your ‘C’ thinks his 1st over can’t get any worse, the ball is rocketed back at lightning speed and sticks in 1 hand.

After the Yobs’ first pairing, we keep them to 20 runs.

Their 2nd batting pair come out and face Herschelle, Knuckles, Sticks & Bukkake. Hersch picks up a wicket, Knuckles gets a wicket, tight bowling from Sticks snares 3 wickets (2 run-outs and 1 catch) and Bukakke goes wicket-less, despite the best efforts from Knuckles in the field to throw down the stumps for a run-out or 6. Remember, Knuckles was having a ‘c..t of a day’. But by this time, Andy was beginning to feel like he was having a ‘c..t of a day’, as he was peppered with many a hard hit in the ‘Wa Wa Seat of Death’.

After 8 overs, the Yobs were on 41 runs and by comparison, we were still in a good position for a win.

Heading up the 9th over was Schlang to their new pairing and immediately brought success to Da Famulee and his net worth. Catch, R/O, R/O in successive deliveries was very tidy. The ‘C’ brings back Knuckles who collects a wicket with his 1st delivery of his 2nd over. Then Queen Mary is back with the ball, and some loose deliveries and his cries of “Noooooo” to signal a shit bowl, saw him collect another wicket, while Boof is back for over number 12. No wickets for the big fella, an expensive over, with 17 runs coming from it.

After 12 overs, the Yobs were still in double figures, their score being 63 runs, remembering that the Famulee were in triple figures on the scoreboard at the same stage.

Given that the Yobs had only 7 players, we select a batter to make up the numbers and starting off the 13 over was Bukkake, who fizzed the ball nicely and bowled to the field collecting a wicket. Hersch returned to the attack and picked up from where he left off from his 1st over, gathering a couple of run-outs. Sticks, who had been keeping guard of the back net, bowled the 15th over with the reward of a wicket for his efforts, with your ‘C’ for the night taking ownership of the 16th and final over. Thinking it was the right thing to do, how quickly I was reminded that such a move should never be repeated. (Good advice for future Captains on the night). The sounds of “Cha-Ching” were echoed across the centre for 3 leg side wides, extra deliveries to be bowled, and parting words of “This club is Faaarked”.

Still, a good result in the end, with a win for Da Famulee. 160 runs to the Yobs 87 runs.

Top scorers with the bat:

Queen Mary with 34 runs.
Forrest with 24 runs.
Sticks with 23 runs. (A nice change from negative runs the week before)
Boof with 21 runs.

Tooth Points, according to the website, which lives again:

Queen Mary – 3 points.
Sticks – 2 points.
Schlang – 1 point.


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