Kincaid Chronicle

Tuesday 15 March 2005 5.30pm

(Season 12 Game 17)

Ground: MCG
Opponents: The Royals (in future to be known as the Raiders due to sponsorship requirements)

The Partridge Famulee website listed only seven players and the thought that went through the captain’s mind was ‘bugger, I’m going to get chosen to bat and bowl twice’. At 5.00pm Sticks rings up Schlang asking for a pair of sneakers, his response was ‘no’. As Schlang had just entered the arena he also asked the Blardyfarken Boys (Tony and Con), Con just laughed – there was your answer Sticks. A quick trip home for Sticks was in order – surely he couldn’t turn up late again?

After a stinking hot day, the arena was even hotter. The heat was so oppressive that if you set yourself alight you would be cooler.

By the toss of the coin only five Famulee members were in attendance, Schlang (captain for the night) nominated himself to open and Knuckles said he would join him. Schlang quickly decided the next pairings to be Forrest and Bukkake, followed by Herschelle and Sticks (whenever he shows up), the last pair would be The Chad (where for art thou Chadeo) and whoever the Royals choose.

Schlang and Knuckles walked out onto the court with Schlang winning Rock, Paper, Scissors in what must be 50 consecutive wins. Just before the first ball was bowled Sticks turned up saving himself a gold coin. Still no show from The Chad even with a phone call from Herschelle “Cha-Ching!!!”. Anyway back to the first pairing, Knuckles started on fire hitting the opposition for two zaks in the first over with the pair making 20 runs. The runs slowed down after that with the pair finishing at a respectable 34. This also brought up Schlang’s 200th run for the season.

The next pair of Forrest (125 games) and Bukkake took to the crease and blasted the opposition for 41 runs in three overs. Then the wheels fell off – a solid minus 12 off the last over brought the partnership to 29. The last ball saw Bukkake attempt a second run with Forrest already walking toward the back net. Overall Forrest scaped in to mark his 2000th run for the purple and lime green (surely he won’t go backwards from there?). Still no sign of The Chad.

The third pair, a formidable due of Sticks and Herschelle, walked in confidently and the Royals sensed they were going to struggle against this pairing. And they had every right to be apprehensive; both players have been in scintillating form with a combined run tally of over 700 runs this season. And they didn’t disappoint the captivated crowd. The pair overwhelmed the Royals with an unyielding display of batting prowess amassing an exceptional total of 56 which included 4 zaks to the Master of Spoons – Sticks.

A no show from The Chad meant the Royals had to choose two people to bat for a second time; Schlang was ready for the call-up as was Bukkake. But in a strange twist of fate, reminiscent of the time when the Partridge Famulee dominated the finals series, they opted to keep Sticks and Herschelle. What the? I know the arena was hotter than being naked in a sauna with Jennifer Hawkins but less comfortable, but that surely was no excuse for such a bizarre choice. The Suckers…err…Royals would be rueing their decision. Sticks needed another three zaks to equal his own record of seven, surely the original record of six which took many seasons to beat could not be excelled again in such a short time. Schlang, sitting in the outer and doing his duty as captain, put up the challenge “if Sticks breaks his record of zaks, he will have the first over”. The first over of their second dig saw Sticks score another zak (two to equal) and after the first over the pair were comfortably on 12. The second and third overs were nothing special with -1 and 8 coming from them. The last over with Sticks on 11 and Herschelle on 9 saw the boys open up their shoulders. First ball to Sticks – zak (one to equal), second ball to Herschelle – three, third ball to Sticks – dot ball, fourth ball to Sticks – zak (one for the record). Four balls gone and approximately four balls remaining, Herschelle is on strike and takes two. Sixth ball to Sticks – dot ball (surely), Seventh ball to Sticks – zak (a new Partridge record, eight zaks in a game). The last ball to Herschelle was a dot ball. The boys made 45, making their total partnership 101. Another record was also broken with Sticks making 75 with the bat beating his previous highest score by one run.

A solid total of 159 was set by the Partridges but even this score was going to be hard to defend with only six players.

Sticks, Herschelle, Forrest and Knuckles started off proceedings and kept the Royals first partnership to 31 giving the Famulee first skin points. A good start, but could the boys in this stifling heat keep up the pressure.

Bukkake, Schlang, Forrest and Bukkake (again) took to the second pairing like ducks to concrete, getting smashed for 51 runs. Had the Partridges run out of steam?

Schlang, Herschelle, Knuckles and Sticks took the third pairing and bowled a tight four overs, limiting the pair to only 5 runs. A feat the Famulee struggle to achieve normally, even when playing with a full side.

The Royals were 82 runs behind and had to choose two people to bowl again. Again their decision making skills were left wanting, choosing the ever versatile Sticks and Forrest (happy 125th). The Famulee played well keeping the last batting pair to 33 and securing their seventh straight victory. The Famulee’s win-loss ratio is looking very healthy at 12-5, with all players playing well. The big question is ‘Has the Partridge Famulee peaked too early?’, only time will tell.

Next week is a late game (9.30pm), this is an attempt from Blardyfarken to destabilise the Famulee winning machine – but the word on the street is the Famulee is on fire. A few changes required for next weeks game as Herschelle ventures to the land of the long white cloud and Forrest is taking a sabbatical. This opens up the opportunity for some of the fringe players to make their mark in the team with Mojo and Skip potentially available for selection. It is good to see the junior development programme is working well, when players of their calibre can step into the side. Welcome aboard boys, the force is with you.

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