Kincaid Chronicle

An interview with Blue

(Season 8 Game 18)

In a press conference shortly after leading Partridge to his eighth straight loss as captain, Stu Blue was quoted as saying "my captaincy's farked!".

Blue, despite being harsh on himself, was quite accurate. His captaincy is farked.

In his defence, with Schlang and his demon strike bowler Wa Wa withdrawing before the game due to "armsflappingitis", Blue had to shuffle his bowlers, all the while thinking 'what if'.

"I thought Wa Wa withdrawing before the game hurt us. I certainly hope his "armsflapping" heals pretty soon. Club medico Dr Dre says unless there is a recurrence he should be clear for next week. I had him lined up to soften up the openers and hopefully strike early on in the piece. From there, I thought we could possibly have them in a false sense of security and go in for the kill. It just didn't happen". No words have ever been spoken more honestly and openly.

"But your batting was the problem Blue, you guys were terrible?" One reporter asked.

"Well, I personally think that's a bit harsh, yes, our running between the wickets lacked a bit but overall I think we were a bit stiff. I think our new running-between-the-wickets coach Graham Manou might need to work a bit harder with us at training. His techniques are good, but I think we might need to tweak them a little bit, although the running of Knuckles was particularly impressive at several individual stages, I know Graham sought him out after the game to heap praise on his efforts."

"It was good to see Herschelle's bowling coach from Holland had some impression!" asked another reporter, "Yeh, we imported van Bunnge to help with the fielding and bowling and it's certainly had some effect. I thought Hersch was unlucky. Everything clicking, I thought he could've gone for about 60" said the skip. "But heee only went for 46" said the reporter looking at the score sheet, one eyebrow raised. "Yeh, ..that's what I said, unlucky". Blue retorted.

With Schlang and Wa Wa withdrawing, Paul I. Canbatabit and Nathan B. Lehmann were late inclusions in the squad.

Blue was asked politely to bat and the game proceeded to go straight downhill from there. Much like the batting averages.

After 12 overs of indifference which saw Knuckles continually run out grounding his bat ("that behaviour isn't encouraged" said Blue) after hitting some 5 or 6 zaks, and Herc bunting dolly catches to the oppostion - and the occasional freak catch from the opposition I might add, the Partridgees found themselves on a meagre 44.

Only the last pairing of Big Al and Hersch making 40 ensured they'd have a total to bowl to.

In the field was a different story though as the team gelled all barring the first pairing which compiled a thrashing 44, thereby ensuring an easy victory for the visitors as they were able to cruise past 84 with about 7 overs to go.

"Who did you think performed well in the field Blue?"

"No one, they all stink. We were crap". Blue said clearly upset that he was given the wig for three consecutive wides.

"Is it true that you were going for J B's & Gadj's record for wides in an over, only to realise that you weren't bowling the 16th?"

"Ahh get farked"

An obviously angry captain was then asked about his prospects.

"What does the future hold for you Blue, are you going to captain the side again"?

"Not fucken likely."

In a controversial statement made off camera after the game, Blue struck out at his teammates. This apparently was caught off camera by BBC correspondent Martin Bashir's microphone left on post press conference.

"Well fuck me, if they keep giving me shit like this, I'm taking my bat and ball back to Adelaide and staying there. These guys can't fucken bat, can't fucken bowl and they can't fucken field".

Blue was last seen heading to South Africa to become head of public relations for the Namibian cricket team.

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