I thought after my last debacle leading this side my file would be marked never to captain again. But foolishly, some would say, I was given the keys to Da Famulee and told to go forth and be mediocre. And that's what I did.
Based on previous experience all decisions were left to random selection, drawing from cards the batting and bowling line up was designated.
Boof and Herc to open, not a bad combination you would think. We set about building a partnership that the rest could build on. After the first over we had advanced the score to 10, and that was it. Everything went backwards from there on, a continual flow of wickets saw our partnership crawl back to 0. (Note: the score sheet never lies) The tomatoes could have moved all their fielders into the front court if the rules permitted. The only time we hit the back net was when one of their fielders had a shy at the bowlers stumps.
Knuckles and Muz to follow, a nice power hitting combination. The cards hard been kind and the debacle that was Herc and Boof was soon be erased and we’d soon have something to defend. At this point, not to shame anyone, I will just say after 8 overs we were defending -12.
Third pairing, Bukkake and Blue, surely we couldn't go any further backwards, could we? First ball, run out, okay maybe we can. -17 after 8.1 overs. A couple more balls, bukkake caught. A few more balls, bukkake caught again. At this stage id lost interest, the beer was tasting mighty fine. Maybe the cards weren't such a wise choice. After 12 overs we'd managed to stagger to -1. Still not enough runs for us to defend.
Final pairing, Forrest and Herschelle. Heaven help us. Two overs without losing a wicket, we now had something to defend, not much, but something. 21 after 14 overs, 50 runs was defendable. A couple more good overs and we’d be sweet. For the next two overs however they could just manage 2 runs. After 16 overs, 23. A little less then I’d hoped for, but we’d go down fighting in true famulee spirit.
To decide the wig, the worst batting partnership got to paper scissors rock for it and Muz spent the first 4 overs in the green.
We’d have offered more resistance if we lay down on the court and made them run around us. The only time they offered up more then 1 wicket in an over was the final over when we fluked to run outs off the 2nd and 3rd last balls.
A plethora of missed catches which often saw the offender sprawled out on the ground, hoping to see themselves on a KFC memorable moment ad. The wig passing from Muz to Bukkake to Forrest, where it found a comfortable home for the rest of the match.
Them:131... Well that's what the score sheet says
Bukkake 3 (+7)
Forrest 2 (-4)
Knuckles 1 (-10)