And the nights proceedings got off to a flying start as we would have umpire Arkface, F who has been in the mix amongst many a Famulee debacle.
Somewhere in the world a coin toss was done, and due to the movement of polar icecaps and a decision by a board of auditors, Da Famulee were elected to take the field.
Herc was given the ball and led the attack, bowling without luck but still picking up a wicket in the first over.
Forrest was up next and provided one of his two highlights for the night. He unleashed a delivery that went high and straight at umpires Arkface's noggin. It dipped beautifully as keeper Boof was diving for cover, and flew straight through the tiny little opening in the net to hit the umpires box (unfortunately he was wearing one!) Despite the box having Pizza Hut plastered all over it and the Famulee rising as one screaming "PIIIIIIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" the appeals went unrewarded.
However Forrests mystery ball had shaken the batsman, and he proceeded to bowl the poor dud three times for the remainder of the over. Muz was up next and thrilled the crowd with his array of thunderbolts that were anywhere but on the pitch. Having racked up his first cha-ching of the night with 4 consecutive extras, he also managed to knock one over, and the boys were travelling well.
Bukkake was up next with his left handed impersonations of Knuckles and had the batsman flummoxxed, enticing them into several spooned shots. Unfortunately only one was caught as Muzz put down an absolute sitter, followed shortly after by Herc who dropped perhaps the easiest catch in the history of the world. Bukkake had truly bowled without luck - or should I say he was unlucky to have us fielding for him. The wig was produced and was immediately given to Herc with the declaration "you are truly a dud amongst duds".
So after the first stanza, the bad guys were 14 runs (and should have been minus plenty). The next pair also looked as if they had no idea what to do with their bats as Mojo, Sticks, Al and Boof continually beat the outside and inside edges. Highlight of this stanza was Herc being inspired by the wig, with two spinning throws that went the length of the pitch to create runouts. However he was topped on the last ball of the partnership by Big Al. The batsman hits the ball straight to the big fella as he is standing in the middle of the pitch. Big Al turns and runs towards the stumps and 2 feet away lets go what can only be described as a Monty Burns like effort at throwing down the stumps. The ball went 3 feet wide of the stumps, but there probably wasn't enough power in the throw to have actually effected a run-out. Big Al take a bow and while you're down there, put on the wig ya clown!!!!
Still with only 23 on the board after 8 Da Famulee were looking good. Surely they couldn't score 100 from here... yep you guessed it the next pair batted with some truly scratchy strokeplay and made an even 50. In a worrying sign, the catches weren't sticking for Da Famulee and the final pairing arsed their way to 28 runs... end score of 101 runs - BUGGER!!!!
Captain for the night Sticks sent in Muz and Herc to chase the skin of 14. And after one over the boys were looking good on 9 runs. The next over not so good on minus 10, before they clawed their way back to a score of 2 (courtesy of Hercs enormous zak over long on). Harshest call of the night came from an unidentified cameraman (who shall remain Herschelle) who said to Herc "You realise that WaWa has now scored more runs than you!" However buoyed by this support from the back net (and other calls such as "You'll get your 900 runs before your 1000") Herc with his flashy new blade, began his climb back towards the 1000 run mark with a positive 7, while Muz coughed up another goldie for his minus 2. Muz soon coughed up another shortly after as he was enticed into a false joke about Forrests mum - Cha Ching, the kitty loves him here.
Next up were Bukkake and Forrest who started solidly enough but due to some arsy catching, truly ordinary umpiring from umpire Arkface, F and runouts their score was only 6 at the start of the last over. This is where Forrest came up with his second "highlight" of the night. The bowler pitched one up straight into Forrests danger (not coin) slot, and true to form he swung like a man possessed. It seemed that time went into slow motion as there came an almighty WHACK from ball on bat, which was closely followed by an even louder WHAAAAAACCCCCCKKKKKKKKK of ball on flesh as it thudded into Bukkakes shoulder/neck region, followed by an almighty call of ARRRRGGGGHHHH FAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK from Bukkake. He had been charging down the pitch looking for two, but was stopped cold in his tracks. The umpire called Forrests second dead ball for the night and the boys were unable to! r! ecover for a partnership of mi! nu! s 6. At least the kitty was happy with another four goldies headed its way.
Sticks and Mojo were in next and also got away to a solid start. Looking good on 29 halfway through the third over, the fielding team lifted a notch. Or should I say the bloke at the back lifted a notch for each of his teammates and put on a catching display not seen since WaWa running amok in singles bars in his heyday. He pulled in two screamers in a row from both batsmen to deny them of runs, and plucked one out of his arse to deny Sticks a zak in the last over. The crowd loved it especially when Sticksy chopped the last ball of the partnership onto his stumps for a personal minus, the boys were roaring. Mojo came from the field with two zaks and sore shoulders from carrying the team with a well crafted 22 and the team score was 17.
Big Al and Boof were the final men in and proceeded to vent their frustrations on the bowling attack. Needing a paltry 85 runs to win, the pressure was off and they both entertained the crowd with some lusty hitting - Big Al with two zaks and a top score of 32 runs, and Boof with a huge zak from the final ball of the match and 16 runs to his name. No fines from this batting pair resulted in boos from the crowd.
And so another loss for Da Famulee by 36 runs as mediocrity reigned once again. Such was the ordinary display that we were even heckled by the barmaid as we retired upstairs for a quiet beer.
Best bowling for the night:
Forrest 4 for minus 1
Big Al 3 for 1
Mojo 3 for 2
Best batting of the night:
Big Al 32
Big Al (+31) 3
Mojo (+20) 2
Forrest (-4) 1
And so onto next week my friends, but I will leave you with this one piece of advice - If you bat with Forrest, for Gods sake stand on the off side!!!
Until next time, this is Reuben Kincaid signing off.