Kincaid Chronicle

Tuesday 19/6/01

(Season 5 Game 11)

T'was a cold night at Weston ICA, but the hearts of many were warmed by the sight of the Famulee rolling in with a various assortment of footy socks pulled knee high. Yes another theme night was in full swing, which drew the customary sledges from Tony Blardyfarken. "You blokes look ridiculous" was the call, to which the customary Famulee replies included such classics as "at least we can take our socks off, ya ugly b@stard"!!!

Schlang was the last member to arrive, and therefore duly copped the wig - making it's return after a few weeks off, to determine whether it's green colour was original, or due to numerous mould infestations. Skip revealed his footy teams, Red and Yellow striped speeshals but socks of the night went to Blue for purchasing a pair of "authentic" Port supporters socks (except they cost $5, were made of wool and kept falling down).

With Mojo and Boof the only survivors from the previous week, I had made it clear that anything less than mediocre performances would be tolerated. The Famulee also blooded a new recruit (Adam "Nads" Packwood) as the usual last minute withdrawals occured. And it didn't take long for mediocrity to surface, with Blues first over conceding 4 extras. Calls of "Cha-ching" rang out around the arena, and were soon directed at Sticks as he dropped one of the easiest catches ever seen at Weston.

Suddenly the first pair had made 38 runs and Sticks assumed the wig for the next pair. It seemed to inspire the young fella, as he started in a blaze of fury taking 3 wickets in the first four balls. However the wig fungus soon worked it's way into his bloodstream, and 3 of the remaining four balls vanished into the back net, much to the delight of the other Famulee members. He seemed destined to wear the wig again, until Schlangs second over which saw him perform a "Sidaknee Harbour Bridge" effort over the top of a certain runout. Off his own bowling too, and two balls later he tried the same trick again, but failed as the ball Rick O'Shead off his knee and onto the stumps. Fabulous stuff and extremely wig worthy, despite Schlangs protestations.

Meanwhile Boof and Mojo had bowled beautifully to contain the batsmen, and at the halfway mark the score was a mere 55 runs. Mojo pulling a new delivery out of his bag of tricks as the ball fizzed, dipped and spun a mile to catch the back of the duds bat, and Boof snaffled a ripper of a catch. The next pair emerged and began charging the bowlers in a desparate attempt to regain authority of the match. However some tight bowling by Nads, DB and Skip ensued to keep the next pair to 77. But the highlight of this partnership was Schlangs catch. Still mumbling about the wig, and stationed in WaWas "Gully of death" position, the batsmen slapped one of Skips deliveries straight into his partners bat. As his partner had started advancing for a single, he was close by Schlang and the ball Rick O'Shead off his bat and into Schlangs hands... OK well more like it wedged between his arm and body, but once he realised what had happened, he went up in delight!

It was about this time that the Wazza trained umpy started to go to pieces. First up he called no ball, and the batsmen managed to run themselves out. He declared "That's out" then "Oh hang on it was a no ball, Not out" to which the reply from the Famulee as one was "But he was run-out ya @#*!*%@!(*&@#$! goose!" to which he replied "Oh yeah - thats out!" He also managed to stuff up the bowlers names on the scoresheet, but his best was yet to come.

The last pair fell apart completely as a combination of some amazing bowling and their desire to get back to their Rum UDLs overtook them. First Boof took nine runs from them, followed by Mojo in the 16th over taking four wickets, as the score was reduced to a surely gettable 66 runs.

Boof and Schlang strode to the wicket with fire in their eyes, and were intent on keeping the scoreboard attendant busy. And did they ever as the score after 2 overs was minus 1! However a rare zak from Schlangy and Boofs placement in the last over saw them finish in a flurry and come from the field with 20 runs to their name.

Rivalries collided next up as Sticks (Collingwood - the Original Magpies) and Blue (Port Pooves - pretenders to the Magpie throne) strode to the wicket. And it didn't take tensions long to erupt as Sticks effected a true Famulee run out on Blue, leaving him stranded by the length of the pitch! However they weathered the initial storm, and soon had the skin in their keeping with two overs left. Well until Blue left a gap between bat and pad that you could have sailed an oil tanker through, and had his stumps rattled. Under fierce pressure from the bowlers and heckling about his woollen socks (from his partner), he drove the last ball of the partnership through the field to win the skin. When asked later what caused his lapse, he blamed someone apparently throwing firecrackers at him while he was batting. It turned out later that this was only Sticksys bum trumpet, although there was some debate that exploding firecrackers would have been safer.

DB and Nads were up next and proceeded to work all corners of the ground on their way to another skin. The highlight from this batting pair was again the umpire - Nads faced up to a ball that pitched and turned for what would have been a wide had he not stepped across and hit the ball. Not worried about this fact, the umpy still called wide, which caused much debate amongst the p!ssed orf fielding team. It was a pure Wazza inspired speeshal and the poor dud in the chair was overhead clarifying the rule with Tony later. The conversation went something like this:
Umpy: If a ball is going for a wide, and the batter hits it, its still a wide isn't it?
Tony: But if he hit it, how can it be a wide?
Umpy: Well it would have been a wide if he didn't hit it.
Tony: But he hit it.
Umpy: Yeah.
Tony: So how is it a wide if he hit it?
Umpy: Well it would have been a wide if he didn't hit it.
Tony: Bloody Waz...

Amongst the confusion, Skip and Mojo went out for the last pair and interspersed extras with wickets beautifully. Skips spooned catch which hung in the air longer than the Concorde was a definate highlight for all. They still comfortably made 24 runs (even turning down extra balls) and claimed a third skin and cruised to victory.

Then it was time to retire upstairs and catch up on the latest goss from Charmed, and try to decipher the mess that Waz Junior had made of the scoresheet for the 'Tooth points. The upshot of the night was Mojo (with his cheating lefties) taking the 3 points by the length of the straight on 39, Boof next on 16 and Nads edging out Sticks with a net worth of 13 runs.
* NOTE: As the scoresheet never lies, the stats reflect what Wazza Junior has scribbled down with his eyes closed!!!

So the Famulee run of outs has been halted, and with the return of veterans Big Al, Herc and the rejuvenated Inzy still in the wings, the signs are good for another late season charge at the title. Especially as the Blardyfarken system meant that despite losing their last four games, Da Famulee is still on top of the ladder.

So onto next weeks game and (hopefully) the return of the injured Knuckles and Big Al will further strengthen the Famulee lineup.

The proposed lineup is:

* Schlang
* Sticks
* Mojo
* Knuckles
* Big Al
* No Look
* Skip
* Gee

Anyone unable to play, please notify me ASAP and the emergencies Inzy, Boof, WaWa and DB are on notice.

So until we meet again, it's goodbye from me.

Reuben Kincaid
Partridge Famulee

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