Kincaid Chronicle

Tuesday 20 March - Final week of regular season

(Season 4 Game 17)

After suffering another close loss last week, the Famulee once again rung in the changes. Out went Blue, Inzy, Sticks and Mojo and in came DB, Schlang, Gee and Big Al. However injuries soon struck with Gee doing a knee (allegedly NOT grog related), No Look with bruised ribs (allegedly grog related) and DB who preferred to push up on chicks (allegedly netball related). So back into the side came Mojo and Sticks and newcomer Nathan recruited by No Look. Police investigations are yet to reveal if Nathan actually hobbled No Look in order to get a run in the fabled Famulee Hawaiiaan.

Anyway with the team finally 'settled', it was time to get down to business. As it turns out, this season has been 3 games shorter than last season - the official line from Tony Blardyfarken has been to blame the Olympics, but as well all know, it's because the Weston ICA Blardyfarken gaming system is a dogs breakfast. With the Famulee struggling in recent weeks, they needed to win and to win well to feature in the finals. Knowing that the Famulee reacts 'well' to pressure, captain Sticks opted to keep the news to himself and headed upstairs.

The 9:30 game meant that there was time for those assembled to charge upstairs and knock off a beer. In the relaxed atmosphere, the players prepared themselves with a quiet beer and kept their eyes ready by occasional glances at Charmed on the TV! Soon enough it was game time and the Famulee ventured down to the pitch. No Look did nothing to allay the fears of the Famulee that he was a little wrong, when he settled into a chair and uttered "MMMMMMMM smell the men". Kath who was also spectating moved a couple of seats away, as the Famulee all tried to get out of fielding anywhere near the back net.

Having won the toss, the Famulee elected to field. Well by elected, I mean they were sent in as the opposition only had 4 players. Charging out to warmup, Hersch assumed the position at the keepers end as the boys got their ordinary grog fuelled bowling actions ready. The umpy (a new boy) came on and continued the notable quotes, holding the keepers gloves high and asking who wants these. "Ahhhhh how about the bloke behind the stumps ya clown" was the reply and the umpy slunk to his high chair, cut down to size on his debut.

Sticks donned the wig and the game commenced. The first batting pair started well, but were soon reeled in by a fuelled up Famulee. WaWa continued his fizzing dippers and picked up a couple as the fielding was solid, rather than spectacular. Nathan made his bowling debut and impressed off his short run and long follow through, eyeballing the batsmen Ooh Ah McGrath style. He also fielded well off his own bowling with some fancy footwork to a couple of straight drives.

The first pair made 30 odd, and the second pair weren't much better. In fact they were duds and the wickets continued to fall. Sticks followed up his dolly from last week by dropping an absolute sitter off his own bowling, much to Schlangys delight. Nevertheless the Famulee continued on and the second pair crumbled for 15 odd runs, once again succumbing to Mojo's left arm tweakers in the last over.

The third pair had arrived and strode to the wicket, intent on lashing out on some ordinary bowling. Instead they got a fired up Schlangy who ripped ball after ball past the outside edge. Nathan and Hersch continued the onslaught and the batsmen found themselves besieged. WaWa and Herc were unpassable up at the front, and anything that got through them was gobbled up by Big Al and Mojo. The wickets continued to fall as the Famulee applied the pressure and the third pair made pretty much bugger all.

With the last pair coming in at around the 50 mark, the Famulee were looking good to hold them to a gettable total. However they had done that last week and failed in a desparate run chase, so they were keen to keep it tight. Tremendous bowling from Mojo and Big Al and some wicket taking fruit from Hersch and Sticks saw the total restricted to about 75 runs.

Sticks (who had carried the wig) and Schlang opened the batting and immediately set about applying the pressure. Schlang proved he had lost nothing of his previous form by registering the first "two dots" call off the first two balls. However the boys steadied after that as Sticks registered a couple of zaks and Schlang began to find the middle of his bat. Sticks welcomed Schlang back with a beautiful runout - Schlang dropped the ball at his own feet and set off to calls of No no NOOO. He got halfway and almost started back before seeing that Sticks was just out of his ground. Schlang desperately lunged, but Sticks was home and despite Schlang ending up about two feet from the back net, the umpy called him back much to the crowds delight. Despite the unorthodox running between the wickets, they took to the young guns bowling attack and registered a 50 partnership evenly between them, to set the platform for the innings.

WaWa and Herc were up next and keen to make amends for the shambles they endured last week. A minus 8 partnership last week was turned around with some magnificent batting by both men. WaWa worked his trademark sway to the fast bowlers, and only a miracle saved him from a ruptured thigh. One quick one got through him with such pace that as the next ball was bowled, prompting one wag to ask "is it out if the stumps if are still wobbling?" Meanwhile Herc spooned the ball all around the ground and was unlucky not to register another zak. It was exciting to watch and the crowd at the back got plenty of value for money as the boys crept towards the target. They came off just short of an outright win, but as Herc proudly declared "we won our skin!!!!!"

Hersch and Nathan were up next and continued the glum day for the opposition. Hersch worked the ball around until the baiting from the back net got to him and he lashed out at one outside off stump. He got nowhere near it, but it did create a pleasant breeze inside the centre. Nathan meanwhile was having a great debut with the bat, registering his first zak with a great strike. The call went out from the skipper for the rookie to be taught a lesson, and Hersch obliged. A traditional bunt and run from saw Nathan left stranded, before the last ball of the innings came around. Hersch worked the ball to the nets and set off for a run. As the ball was fumbled at the back, Hersch made the call for another run. Nathan took off only to find halfway down the pitch that much to his despair the fieldsmen had recovered and threw the stumps down, much to the applause of the crowd and calls of "Welcome to the Famulee" rang out around Weston ICA. Nevertheless they came from the field to great applause with the target well and truly passed.

With the result beyond doubt, calls of "We declare" and "Come in boys, we've seen enough" followed Big Al and Mojo out onto the pitch. Alas for the opposition the nightmare continued with Big Al seeing it like a giant beachball. A couple of scorching zaks to the big guy, saw heads drop all around the field. Mojo couldn't get a piece of the action despite swinging mightily. He had borrowed Sticksys bat, but had not seen Sticks swap his for a plastic one after coming off the field. Despite this the boys piled on the runs. Highlight of the batting pair though was Big Al who had belted the crap out of everything one young bloke sent at him. The bowler changed from pace to nude spin, and a WaWa like hand grenade somehow snuck through the big guy and knocked his stumps over. The crowd erupted and the night was complete.

Tony Blardyfarken advised the Famulee that they had made the elimination final and once again the Famulee rejoiced. The game is at 6:50pm next week and the team will be selected (from the remaining uninjured available players) based on the top eight net worths for the season. The team will be announced tomorrow but the most important thing to note, is that No Look will be picking 4 pizzas up on the way to the game.

Thats right it's PIZZA TOOOSDAY once again, with all Famulee members requested to turn up at 6pm (at the latest) for pizza, beers and merriment at the expense of all those around us. Remember to wear your official team wear (purple shirt) as the Famulee begin the chase for their second consecutive premiership.

Keep an eye out for the Bonaduccis Briefs which will contain the details of some interesting milestones that have fallen in recent weeks.

Until then, i'm Reuben Kincaid and you're not.

Love and Kisses

Reuben Kincaid
Partridge Famulee

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