Kincaid Chronicle

Kincaid Chronicles - An exercise in mediocrity

(Season 3 Game 14)

Tuesday 3 October

Reeling from last weeks crushing defeat, the Famulee fronted up against old nemeseseses the Polar Bears. Time and time again, Partridge has sought to obtain true mediocrity only to come up against the Bears and be outdone in their quest for dudness! However all sensed that tonight could be different - especially as there was no theme for the evening. However this was more than compensated for by the return of the GHECKOBLASTER and the strains of 'Cmon get happy' once again rang through Weston ICA (much to the displeasure of everyone but us)!!!

Prior to the toss, the Bears asked to field first. A strange option seeing as they only had 5 players and the Famulee had a full complement plus Redeye, Sticks and Schlang sitting on the sidelines. Gadj lost the toss (hmmmm) and the Bears elected to field - still with only 5 players. It was apparent that the mediocrity had started early and so Gadj and WaWa opened the batting against the new ball.

Gadj was on two consecutive games without losing a wicket and with WaWa proclaiming that he'd be "standing his ground" the Famulee onlookers were set for some spectacular runouts. And they got them... but unfortunately they were all WaWa being caught short - even when Gadj was 6 feet short of his ground, the bears were gunning for WaWas end. It was almost as if they had been tipped off not to get Gadj out (hmmmm) and it seemed that Gadj would not get his sought after wicket. The one ball that was pitched on stumps he left and watched it sail just over the top of the stumps. He finally resorted to spooning a catch to the infield, and was "safely" claimed (i.e. the bloke did his best to drop it, but the ball somehow lodged under his arm).

The partnership ended spectacularly when WaWa crisply struck one to the back net and after making his ground, the ball Rick O'Shea'd off the stumps and he turned for a second. Gadj was already halfway home and WaWa hesitated - the crowd rose as one, as it looked like WaWa would hold his ground and effect a magnificent runout. But alas WaWa panicked and took off and was run out by a miyyon miles!

Next up were No Look and the power hitting Herschelle (who was on two negatives). The Bears almost had a full complement at this stage but that didn't worry No Look. He blasted the ball all about the park scoring freely, while Herschelle was content to play safe for the singles (BOOOOOOOOOOO!)

Up next were Herc and DB and the power hitting continued. DB opened the shoulders and in his patented "Action Man" style and thrashed one towards the back net. Unfortunately it only got knee high and went for two. Meanwhile Herc was toying with the bowlers in true one day criggit fashion. He worked the ball superbly through the vacant slips cordon time and time again as well as a couple of glorious gliiiidddddeesssssss to deep backward square. The highlight of the partnership came when Herc's mobile began to ring. Big Bird picked it up and showed why he has left Centrelink to pursue a secretarial career by answering the call and advising "No he's actually batting at the moment - would you like to hold?" He then proceeded to advise Jase (who was on strike) that he had a phonecall and the lady would be holding. Herc briefly lost composure and dropped a wicket (great work Al) before steadying to provide Al and Schlang with the chance to provide top notch commentary to whoever it was that was on hold!!!

The final partnership was Inzy and Big Bird. Inzy coming back after a long spell in the paddock proved that age and experience will always prevail. He was superb in dropping the ball at the hands of the fieldsman so they had too much time to think about affecting a runout and missed the stumps completely. Big Bird crunched the fruit that was served up to him to all corners of the arena. The Famulee cause was also helped by the Bears being one short and we got to pick the two biggest duds to serve up the fruit platter again. They came from the field with only 125 runs on the board - a disapointing total really when considering we were playing the Bears.

However the Famulee charged onto the pitch determined to defend the total and to make some spectacular plays while doing so. And didn't the highlights come thick and fast!

Herschelle who let nothing by during general play, copped two falcons - the funniest from a No Look "no looker" after he had taken the ball behind the stumps. It lobbed through the air and bounced squarely off Herschelles bonce! The second was a nooorsty looking falcon while he was keeping that luckily did no damage - except to his reputation!

No Looks spectacular keeping again shone through with a superb stumping off Big Birds bowling. The two had combined on the sly to both be wearing knee braces and it looks like a dodgy Houndstooth alliance has been formed. This was further highlighted by No Look's superb forehand effort while in the field. He charged in and took a HUGE swipe to "try" and flick the ball at the stumps and missed the ball by the proverbial mile!

WaWa proved that the week off (with his alleged ruptured foot) had seen him practising his ball handling skills (hmmmm) as he spent the night pulling in one handers in the field. Not sure what the other hand was doing, and I don't think we want to know. His other highlight came when the ball was gently poked back to him off his own bowling. Standing at the stumps with both batsmen in the middle of the pitch and a certain runout imminent, WaWa pulled out a ripper. He managed to somehow miss picking up the ball completely and then fell into the stumps while the batsmen safely made it home for a well earned single.

Inzy's fizzing, dipping arm-ball off spinners which proved too good for the batsmen except for one that was smacked back at him. He got hands to it, but was unable to pull it in (dolly fine) and it Rick O'Shea'd off his hands towards the back net. Inzy was knocked off his feet and Gadj who had followed the original shot had to dive full length to prevent a four. Net result = one run and both players with third degree carpet burns which they claimed was from their efforts in the field, but there were a couple of wicket celebrations that looked like had got a bit out of hand.

Gadj also provided a spectacular highlight by pulling the Sidaknee Harbour Bridge out of his repitoire again. He crouched poised at the back net while the ball passed straight underneath him for four runs. Needless to say the bowler Herschelle was not happy! Gadj had also forgotten that the key to getting wickets in indoor was bowling fruit and he sent down some ripper deliveries which the batsmen couldn't have hit with two tennis racquets strapped together.

Action Man (DB) in his first three deliveries back to the Famulee saw three wickets tumble. What was going on we wondered, until the last four balls of the over went all over the shop resulting in a cha-ching for too many wides. He ended with perhaps a world first - a hat trick, followed by four consecutive wides!!! Ruthless heckling from the crowd (calls of "well done, saved 20 runs" etc) saw his second over pass without notice.

Herc meanwhile was having a speeeeeeeshal night in the field. The big mans hands were solid all night - that is rock solid as he seemed to be unable to close his hands around a ball all night! He dropped a couple of dollies and a couple of misfields saw the kitty get a well earned boost!!!

Meanwhile the Bears had somehow crept to six runs shy of our total with one over left. Gadj tossed the ball to Big Bird hoping for a miracle, and the big man didn't let him down. With Red-Eye cheering him on, and Sticks booing, Big Bird confirmed his Houndstooth favourite status with a magnificent over that would have had Bruce McAveny run out of superlatives. Wickets tumbled and once again the Famulee somehow managed to be slightly less mediocre than the Bears.

The Wash Up:

* Herschelle ended up with his third consecutive negative joining WaWa and Schlang in the three strikes club.
* Gadj avoiding suspension by spooning a catch, but due to not bowling fruit got his first negative.
* Herc contributing a motza to the kitty (a total of $7 went in) and is now on two negatives for next game.
* Big Bird claiming the three points to regain the lead in the Houndstooth
* No Look realising that he would have got the three points if he hadn't of stumped a batsmen off Big Birds bowling!
* The spectacular return of the Ghecko Blaster that accompanied each batting pair onto the pitch.

Next Week
Next weeks game will be at 5:30pm for a change and once again there are the customary team changes. Out goes Gadj (interstate) and Herschelle (susp) and in comes Blue, Schlang and Sticks.

The nine man squad is currently:

* No Look
* Blue
* WaWa
* Herc
* Schlang
* Sticks
* Inzy
* Big Bird
* DB

The team will be announced next week after the inaugrual PFGT (Partridge Family Golf Tournament) and Trivia Night which may lead to ruptured livers and leave us struggling for a full team!

Stay tuned for a report of the weekends events next week.

Until next time.

Reuben Kincaid
Partridge Famulee

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