Kincaid Chronicle

The Dress Circle

(Season 0 Game 2)

Looking resplendant in dashing ochre-coloured hawaiin shirts and carrying a "gecko blaster" we jumped into the Inzymobile (which goes about as fast as Inzy) for a pissheaded ride to Weston ICA. We arrive, batteries loaded up (thanks Jase), CD in, volume up, shirts on, all horned up for the big game (which was going to make putting our boxes in a tad difficult).

Then we hear it, the dulcit tones of the Partridge Family, Shirley, David, Susan, Danny and the other two kiddies who for mine, have no names, so insignificant are they to the theme song.

The crowd looks, as six blokes looking like they're lost or on another planet enter Weston ICA. "Bugger, they're back" said one onlooker.

Oh yes, they knew we'd arrived, like nothing they'd ever seen before. For we'd been absolutely flogged the week before to take our win loss ratio to 1:1, and if we were gonna lose we may as well look stupid doing it.


Of course, there was time for more beer. Poor Inzy went out in the cold for some beer prior to match time, and as we'd drunk his place almost so dry we had to settle for Kahlua (he's a mans man isn't he?). We strode upstairs, music blaring, hearts pounding, to be greeted by WA WA and Baby John sitting at the bar thinking "Oh no, it's them".

The bar tender summed everything up perfectly by leaning on the bar, looking pensively over his nose and shaking his head without too much effort.

I foraged around for some money from the guys, went downstairs to see two blokes saying to Tony behind the counter "there are these guys playing crap music upstairs".........Tony looked around, again doing the obligitory shake of the head, looked at me and said "Scotty, what are you blokes up to?". Even using my innocent-est looking face, I knew we were busted, and thereby we'd proven that everyone was guilty until proven innocent. The world isn't what it used to be is it?


We'd stopped for the team photo, which included 8 super fit athletes, beer bottles, hawaiin shirts and the required cheesy grins. Unfortunately, there was to be no party, as the photos' didn't work out. As per Schlang and my pre match bet, in which I lost, I donned Carlton boxer shorts on the outside of the tracky dacks.........hmm, I felt all horned up just looking at myself.

The "gecko blaster" was hoisted upon someone's shoulder after I (again) lost the toss and were banished to the field. We had the stereo on as we warmed up, and personally I found this inspirational and our result was due to the fact that we had the rest of our adopted family beating out the tunes on the blaster.


Fielding was never going to one of our good points, besides the fact that hardly anyone had seen their toes in the last 3 years, let alone touch them, balls hit along the ground were net bound, unless we:

1. Fell on it 2. Accidentally got in the way of it.

One of the guys opened the bowling, and instantaneously we could smell "kill" in the air. For this was to be a win, we could sense it, and after bowling and fielding like "tigers" we'd kept them down to a manageable 80 off 16 overs.

Notable highlights were Jase's efforts in close on the leg side. May it be noted that not only does he field in the same place as our beloved Boonie, but his stature within the team is growing - as well as his girth (but he is doing the body-building for the team!) Keep up the burbs Jase.

Young Muzza, brought off the rookie listing, excelled and wanted to be in the play even when he wasn't, so keen was the youngster. His drinking before during and after the game ensure that his place is safe in The Partridge Family XI.

Inzy's catch, oh what a beauty. Inzy, threw out a paw, tapped it up and grabbed it on the second occasion, much to his surprise.

My fielding on the back net was exemplary, except that anything that was hit in the air was an absolute "Monty" to be grassed. Stupid part about it was that I knew as soon as it was coming to me that I was gonna drop it. I think I put down about 6 or 7 "dollies", thereby keeping up the tough standard that I've set not only myself but the team in the field. I'm not sure that my fielding along the ground was much better.

Baby John behind the stumps kept us all on our toes. His zingers ran out numerous a strolling batsman and thankfully, someone in the team can throw, field and bat..........unlike Custard arm Hickey, who threw his shoulder out by throwing to the keeper. I think the ball's just getting there..................NOW.

Old stager WA WA managed many a run out in close and kept the batter's on their toes, even though some of his bowling was a tad tedious. At one point I noted, as WA WA was running in and letting go of the ball, Muzz bolted upstairs, inhaled a beer and came back down, only to see the batter snoring as the ball hit his leg stump. As WA WA later stated, "my bowling's not boring, it's accurate". Hmm, some work to do there.


Baby John and Jase made a meal of the attempted comeback by the opposition by adding overs of 10, 10, 10 and 10. Jase, playing only his third game of indoor cricket ever, and eagerly eyeing off his average (what a team player!), batted brilliantly. I must admit that Jase has adapted his batting exceptionally well. After last week where he was taunted into spooning catches to the off fielders, he's adjusted his play extraordinarily well.

Young Sticks Hickey and WA WA teamed up again on behalf of Centrelink PMT. Sticks belted the bowling to all corners and for it not being run out (again) by WA WA, his individual total would have been greater than 33. WA WA, devistated by his poor form has been confined this weekend to study tapes of himself in not those porno's you made Greg!

Muzza and Inzy, a combo that I thought could become costly, made a successful positive with no outstanding highlights. Inzy's running style may lack form, grace and consistency but waving the bat around your head when you run certainly put's the fielding team off going for the ball. Inzy, the old stager, has also got the "bunt" happenening a treat and all goes well for the following weeks.

Schlang and Gadj needed about -8 to lose but even the best willow weilding couldn't stop them from getting 39 with Schlang being the standout - pushing to the side nets at all costs.


Such a team we are. After the game, all eyes were on "who made the most" and the boasting of Luke could be heard many a mile. Many a Melbourne Bitter were consumed, even though we can't stand the stuff, such is the thirst that was raised during the game. Then back into the family wagon and off we went. The tunes of the Partridge Family can still be heard ringing around Inzy's Tarago, many a day after the game has finished.


Much gratuitous sucking up to the umpire was had after the game and needless to say, we've got them wrapped around our little fingers again. The umpy has asked to umpire all our games from now on. And far more importantly we seem to get a fair run of decisions with him - and we haven't even had to have sex with him yet.............or are you blokes not telling me the truth!


We've put our views forward, WE WANT A JUKEBOX. Wenchy said that they USED to have one but got rid of it, much to Schlang and my utter disgust. We WILL get one, trust me.


Goes to the young Magna driver on Yamba Dr. We'd dropped young Luke off, still beaming from hitting 33 after an effort of -2 the week before (I can still hear him smiling now) and were cruising up to the stoplights on Yamba Dr. Inzy slowed down, preparing to stop at the lights, being red n' all. This guy in the Magna, whizzed straight past us and stopped half way through the T junction. He reversed up and must've felt eyes upon him, and there was 5 guys, staring at him, dressed in hawaiin shirts and belting out C'mon get happy looking and laughing at him. Oh, well, had to be there I spose.


This weeks' press conference had a different overtone to last weeks. When team captain Gadj was asked last week what he thought of last weeks' effort in which we were pummelled, he replied in his most polite manner "Fuck off".

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