Kincaid Chronicle

Grading Game 2

(Season 26 Game 2)

Fellow Partridges...

It’s been a while between Chronicles, and I’m sure Reubs would approve, but after being starved of some light reading, time to spend a few lazy moments without being fined.

It was a chilly Canberra night at the House of Bloooodyfaaaarkin that will be remembered as Toozdae 22 May in the year 2012. I say the year 2012, for the night quickly turned to be something of a commentary from 1922, a time when the ‘old’ newsreels from that era took on a whole new persona when it came to reporting. You know the type, grainy black and white images with some half testicled bloke doing his best to build the commentary that matched the vision. Quotable lines such as, “It was 1922 and what a year it was...” and “Wow, look at him go!”

Naturally, these lines took on a whole new Partridge ‘feel’ by reading the quiz questions from bottle tops, such as “Who invented the Radler?” Apparently it was the Germans and it happened in 1922, and so the narration would take its course...

Of course, before all this, notable Partridges Pretty Eyes, Hersch, Mary, Buzz, Klennex, Boo-cakes, Herc, Knuckles and Forrest (Your Captain For The Night – YCFTN) had gathered for Season 25’s review and subsequent Houndstooth presentation. Hersch, the guru of all stats Chickey-Duck like, did a sterling job in showcasing the highlights of the previous season, which by the way, was 26 games. It turns out that some of us had played 1 game, some a handful of games, through to Pabs who had played all 26. Clearly he was chasing the itchiness that is the ‘Tooth!

Malarkeys, looking splendid as the current ‘Tooth holder, was enjoying the radiance of the powers of the jacket. Would it be his to keep hold of or would it be handed over? As Herschelle went through the games, the milestones, the wins and the losses (mostly losses), somehow we’d still make the finals, and as most of you know, it didn’t end well. Despite Pabs playing all 26 games and picking up the milestone of 50 wickets for the season, it didn’t do him any favours. As for the final result, well, it’d be that cheating, ladle swaying Sticks who take out the converted prize with 30 points, ahead of Hersch with 27.

As soon as it was announced, it was proper form that Mary and YCFTN duly sent Sticks a text clearly identifying him as a form of anatomy commonly found between the legs of the female species. It’s a four lettered word – you know the one!

So with pizzas on hand and Reubs shouting the bar, a good time was had by all, that is, until it was our turn to head off to the WACA for our 8:40pm game. Oh, hang on, quick check of the time; no it’s closer to being the new midnight! As we trundle down the stairs from the bar, there was still more nostalgic news reading lines, along the lines of, “It’s 1922 and wow, look at that Radler, it’s just what we need”, and something about Sticks being a cheating big C...

As it’s a new season, it’s a grading game and our opposition would be Kerwins Mob. With no toss of the coin, we quickly agree that we’ll have a bat. Kleenex and Buzz would be our first 2 batters. Not a good start as Buzz gets a Mandkat. Pabs is dabbing and edging beautifully until he gets the slowest of deliveries that has a zak written all over it, only to be bowled. Surely he was beaten by the pace? Towards the end of their partnership, Buzz was striking the ball neatly but it wasn’t enough that cricket purists would call a “Platform”. We have 14 runs.

Next pair would be Bukkake and Pretty Eyes. Their usual lusty swinging of the bat was there to be seen, pity it didn’t result in a few more runs. Robbed of some potential zakage, they gave the side nets a good shellacking when it was needed and managed a partnership of 32 runs and after 8 overs, the CDTs had 46 runs on the board. Not a lot of runs, but as YCFTN, we were looking a score that would give us a lower grading.

Third pair would be Herc and YCFTN. To say that we were on fire would be a gross understatement. YCFTN would get out 6 times, including a run out off a zak (cha-ching) and Herca charging down the pitch to the slower deliveries meant a swing and a miss, followed by the sound of a stumping on several occasions, much to the cries of, “It’s 1922 and these guys are sh*t!” If a scoreboard can go forwards, then we made it go backwards! Negative batting was the winner here.

With Knuckles and Mary to follow as our last batting pair, they quickly turned the score around. Two zaks to Mary, 3 to Knuckles and only a couple of outs, it was a joy to watch. I’m sure had it been 1922, there would’ve been a Radler in their honour. A partnership of 74 runs took our final total to 84 runs.

While we all took to batting, Car Keys was busy snapping a few photos from the side, and then ably assisted by Hersch, with a view that they appear in all their glory on the Famulee’s Facebook page. Deary me...

As Kerwin’s Mob took their turn to bat and we took our turn to bowl, as we went through the overs, it was looking like a fine spanking was in the offering, just what we need for a grading game. But then, it almost looked like Kerwin’s Mob were tanking, attempting to lose and get the best picks for the season ahead of Da Famulee. It was close in the final over and while we could’ve snatched victory from the jaws of defeat, several high deliveries to be bowled again and again and again from Pretty Eyes pushed their score in front of ours and we’d miss by a bee’s dick.

Final scores were Kerwin’s Mob 85 runs – Partridge Famulee 84 runs.

After the game, YCFTN announced the traditional “Captain’s Fine” which would be for any player who just played a game and lost by 1 run. Plenty of gold headed to the kitty, and by Herc’s count, the kitty was $28 richer, one of the more profitable nights I’m told. I also reminded myself why I ‘retired’...

FORREST

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