Welcome Chickeny-Duck-Things to some loose words that are better known as ‘The Chronicle’, you know the drill, a recollection from the “Big C” on the night as our ageing memories will permit.
Forrest here (also known as the “Big C”), and before you learn more about the highlights (or is that lowlights?) from game 15 of season 24, let’s have a look at some of the milestones coming into this game.
Herc was on 124 career zaks and need 1 more for the milestone. Herschelle was 47 runs shy of 7,000 career runs. I was 31 runs shy of 6,000 career runs. Pretty Eyes and Boo-Cake were both approaching 200 season runs each and Kleenex was almost at 100 runs for the season thus far. Herschelle was on 23 wickets for the season and needed 2 more for the milestone, while Herc was showing as having 3,010 career runs, despite achieving 3,000 runs on numerous occasions in recent weeks, would he move forward or fall back below this unlucky number (again)?
So…onto the Chronicle.
Just for something different, our game would be the ‘new midnight’ of 9:30pm against the “Thrill Killers”, a side who we’d last played on 14 June 2011, or 48 days previously, a game which had Bukkake at the helm and was a victory back then. Our first victory came with the fact that “We’ll have a bat” was a given and a toss of the coin wasn’t required. With Pretty Eyes, Marsy, Kleenex, Car Keys, Schlangy, Herc, Herschelle and the “Big C”, we had a full compliment of talent that even the Australian Cricket selectors would be proud of! (Special mentions to those Famulee members not in attendance but were thought of anyway, even if in sledge – Knuckles, Sticka, Skip, Cali, Jacko etc.)
With Pretty Eyes quick to suit up in the Hawaiian, I thought it only fair that he open with Marsy, fresh from the recovery of a lung buster! With plenty of fruit being served up by the Thrill Killers, both Marsy and Pretty Eyes struggled to find the back net, or any net for that matter. The deliveries were there to be smacked, and while Pretty Eyes did manage a couple of sweetly timed shots, clearly Marsy needed a wider bat to make contact with the ball. Cries of “Scoreboard’s broken!” and ‘You’re sh*t” echoed across the WACA a couple of times but they did manage to salvage a positive partnership in the end, even if it was only 5 runs. 5 is still a positive! The downside was that Pretty Eyes needed 1 run to reach his 200 run season milestone and he’ll have to wait another week as he scored a minus 1 with the bat while Marsy scored 6 runs.
Next pair would the double H combination of Herc and Hersch – although Herschelle would be referred to as ‘Gibbs’ on the scoresheet that never lies. It would appear that the ref had a sense of humour, or, thought it was easier to scribble ‘Gibbs’ instead of ‘Herschelle’ with his crayon. Who knows…???
So, facing the task of competing with a 5 run platform, surely the double H’s would kick things along. Surely Herc would keep above 3,000 career runs? Surely Herschelle would get closer to his 7,000 career run milestone? We all liked to think so, but the game plan in the “Big C’s” head didn’t quite work in reality. The Thrill Killers kept up their fruit but the lads just couldn’t put the yellow dot away, with Herc charging down the pitch on numerous occasions, only for the ball to spin away from the bat (and his left leg) to result in a stumping. Herschelle had one delivery to his batting arc which was duly dispatched to the back net for a zak, and if it hadn’t been for a few wides bowled, the scoreboard could’ve been a lot worse. Herc finished with a minus 8 (and stayed just above his 3,000 career run tally) while Herschelle put on 16 runs but still shy of achieving his 7,000 career run milestone. The partnership was 8 runs and more mentions of “You’re sh*t!” were relayed.
Deary me, a total of 13 runs after 8 overs.
The luxury of being the “Big C” is that you can choose who you bat with and when you bat, and given the game plan wasn’t going to anything that resembled a game plan, time to throw the big guns in. Well, big in stature and we’ll just leave the guns alone…our next pair would be Pabs and Mallarkeys. A cautious start by the boys would soon change with Boo-Cakes swinging like a dunny door in a force 10 cyclone. Even when facing the two dots call, he smashed the ball into the back net to zak it up, and even by Bukkake’s reckoning and standards, it was a powerful hit. Speaking of powerful hits, Pabs managed to not once, but twice, score in the back half. Okay, so it was only 3 runs each time, but I was sure Weston Indoor were preparing a trophy to mark the occasion. With Car Keys managing to not get out at any stage and notch up 32 runs, he’s over the line to reach his 200 runs for the season and Kleenex with 13 runs, he too makes his milestone of 100 season runs and as they finish their 4 overs, they’ve built a nice platform of 45 runs.
With the “Big C” and Schlangy as the final pair, the usual game of paper, scissors, rock to determine who’d open almost went into overtime! It would be about half a dozen attempts before Schlangy lost and would face the jackpot ball. Like the previous deliveries we’d witnessed, there was more fruit for the taking, and take we did. The “Big C” belts a zak in the first over, and not to be outdone, the next delivery, Schlangy chimes in with a zak. All good, or so I thought, as I took a leaf out of Herc’s book of batting and charged a couple of deliveries of fruit, only to once again have the ball spin away and be stumped. Still, with another zak for the “Big C” and some fine wielding of the willow by Schlang, a 40 run partnership is recorded, 20 runs each. Alas, the 6,000 career run milestone for the “Big C” will have to wait for another time.
Da Famulee are just short of a 3 figure total – 98 runs would be our score.
As we take to the field, I see Pretty Eyes pick up the keeping gloves before Butt-Cheeks gets a chance, so, I give Butt-Cheeks the ball to open the bowling. A very tidy over of 4 dot balls from 8 deliveries may look good on the scoresheet that never lies, but unfortunately, no wickets were recorded either. Herca comes in next and makes up for the shortfall of wickets with Bukkake’s help, taking a cracking catch. As I saw it come off the bat, I didn’t even finish saying “Catch it!” and it was held. A sensational effort, that. Of course, it also meant that Boo-Cakes had taken the mandatory catch and would avoid a goldie. Marsy took the third over and bowled without luck, despite Hersch doing his best to cover the back net before the “Big C” took over number 4. It wasn’t enough to defend the skin and the Thrill Killers had 42 runs by this stage.
With a new batting pair coming in, Schlangy would open up with over 5, followed by Hersch, then Kleenex and T-Rex (Pretty Eyes). No wickets for Schlang, Hersch kept the ball swinging everywhere except on the pitch (with a resultant cha-ching for wides), Kleenex snared a wicket and T-Rex threw in a few no balls that went above the batter, despite the batter being out of his crease at the time. A short deliberation over the rules on this matter didn’t seem to convince the ref or pacify the big marn. Another skin goes by.
After 8 overs, the Thrill Killers have almost caught up with our entire total.
For the next batting partnership, the game plan (not that it was ever really there) would be the “Big C”, then Car Keys, Kleenex followed by Marsy. A couple of wickets to the “Big C” in this over, together with a cha-ching to the kitty for wides, and another wicket to Butt-Cheeks was just the ticket to winning a skin. While Kleenex missed out on a few wickets with his version of ‘fruit’, including a dropped catch off his own bowling, Marsy had a better second over, including a catch off his first delivery. While we kept the scoring down to a more manageable front, the end result was a win of a skin.
Could we repeat it in the final 4 overs? Could we come back and snatch a victory or would it be snatching defeat from the jaws of victory? With Pretty Eyes, aka Conan, aka T-Rex leading off over 13, it was beginning to show signs of promise. Just 5 runs from his over. Herschelle bowled over 14 and was rewarded with 4 dot balls but not rewarded with the 2 extra wickets he needed to reach his 25 wickets for the season thus far. With Schlangy and Herca reminding the “Big C” that they had 1 over each left, the yellow dot was given to Schlang to weave his magic from around the wicket. No magic as it turned out but we were still in with a chance of capturing a second skin. With Herc up for the final over, there was no pressure. Actually, there may have been a little pressure and with no wickets taken, we’d lose the opportunity of a second skin as the Thrill Killers went on to win the game 166 runs to 98.
As the various fines made their way to the kitty after the game, the Captain’s fine would be anyone who failed to hit a zak. Again for some strange reason, the kitty would be the winner if the Partridge Famulee were not.
FORREST (aka the “Big C”)