Kincaid Chronicle

Round Eight 25/08/00

(Season 3 Game 8)

The scene:
The once mighty Partridge Family are reeling after their (almost) premiership season and have registered only two wins from seven games. Last

weeks game was described as "pure excrement" and "pathetic, dismal, grievous, deplorable, pitiable, lamentable, mournful, disheartening galling, invidious or vexatious" by various scribes, and selectors reacted savagely by cutting three names from the team. WaWa, Gadj and import Blue all felt the wrath of the selection panel and Inzy, Big Al and Sticks were promoted. The upcoming game was declared Super Sock Tuesday at Weston ICA in an attempt to raise the flagging spirits of the Family... the result? Well see for yourself!

Tuesday evening 5:25pm.
The mood in the Family had been buoyant until the news that Inzy had been struck down by an Ozzie version of the Chinese Flu and was replaced by regular fill in DB. So it was a subdued Family line up that arrived early for our game with an unheard of pre-match warmup!!! As per the requests from selectors the previous week, socks were proudly displayed by Mojo, Big Al, Sticks and Herc (who didn't have any but rushed out to get some Wests Tigers on match day), but the Family was let down by Schlang, Marty, DB and Herschelle who failed to prominently display their team spirit (although Martys improvisation of wearing one Christmas sock was an admirable effort).

Anyway game time arrived and Schlang shook off the effects of his big weekend to win the toss and elected to field (well seeing as they only had 4 we had no choice). The Family settled into a rhythm of line and length bowling and some classic fielding... well more the fruit gets wickets theory and catches being spooned straight to us. Marty "No look" Beggs had his between the legs flick going and was throwing the stumps down from everywhere - of course he wuz robbed by the umpire who must have been sent to sleep by the mediocrity of our bowling as some of his runout and legside decisions were "interesting" to say the least!

Herschelle was back to his old form snaffling anything that came near him, and DB and Schlang mopped up anything left over. Sticks and Big Al provided the line and length with Sticks taking the best bowling figures - proof that fruit gets wickets! Schlang dropped an absolute sitter (never mind it was going at about 380 miles per hour) and was rewarded with the 16th over and responded with a 10 ball over - his leg spinner that pitched a foot outside off stump was a ripper. But luckily Herc (socks almost around his ears!) who had grabbed the gloves for the last couple of overs, came up with a ripper of a stumping to inspire his teammates.

With a classic effort of old, the Family had the "half and halfs" (team made up of half blokes, half chicks) reeling after eight overs, but they staged a mini recovery to register a lowly 98 runs. However it was a total that the family had failed to reach in three games and with a season average of only 104 runs, the game wasn't over yet! And with the opposition declaring that it was the battle for the wooden spoon, the pressure was on.

Mojo and Sticks strode to the crease with a combination of dark green, bright red, gold and Freo socks and determined to get the Family off to a flying start. Actually they were both determined to increase their Zak totals and Mojo signalled his intentions to protect his lead by facing 7 of the first 8 balls! Sticksys lovely top spin lob for a zak was a highlight and some free flowing batting (combined with chicks bowling) saw the boys slog their way to a hefty 63 runs with plenty of calls of "yes, no, yes, no" in between, but strangely not many run-outs ensued.

Up next were Big Al and No Look and they decided to take the cautious approach of also slogging at everything in sight! With a nervous Mojo cheering the bowlers on, neither batsmen was able to reach the back net. But the back fence copped a hiding as both of the lads unleashed some of the

finest cover drives seen since the Pamela Anderson home movie!!! Big Al unleashed one of his specials that was travelling at pace for the back net, when one of the chicks managed to pull the catch in one handed after it had gone past her. The family cheered and the big man in the faded Roosters socks could only shake his head in disbelief! They came from the field with a well crafted 27 runs to take the total to 90 runs.

DB and Herc were up next and they were in control from the word go. Crisp top edges, deft spooned shots and calls of " " and " " while running saw confusion reign amongst both the boys, but luckily this also transferred to the fielding team. Some of the fielding was worthy of a spot on Funniest Home Videos with one piece in particular standing out.

Herc was facing up to the fierce bowling and glided an edge to third man, DB set off and stopped mid pitch and Jase also took off to stop at mid pitch. In the meantime the keeper had snaffled the ball, but had fallen to his back in the process. With the Family howling its approval from the sidelines, DB and Herc having a mid pitch discussion and eyeing off which end would be run out in an attempt to run the other out, the keeper (about a foot from the stumps) calmly elected to have a shy at his end and succeeded in throwing it about three feet above the bails. The boys looked at each other in disbelief, the Family erupted in laughter and one of the fielders retrieved the ball and still almost managed to run Jase out at the bowlers end. End result - one beautiful run, and a well earnt spot on the end of season highlight reel!!!!!!!!

The boys were looking good on 125 and only needed 2 runs from the last two balls to win their skin. They responded in true Family fashion with DB being (doubtfully) run out and Herc going for a 7 to equal the skin on the final ball, being ingloriously knocked over middle and off stump. Trudging from the field, a quick glance over the shoulder revealed they had advanced the score by 25 to 115 runs.

The Partridge lynchpins Schlang and Herschelle were up next and you couldn't ask for a better pair to defend a lead of 17 runs. Surely the family were safe even despite Herschelles season equalling low -13 runs last week. But after the first over when the lead had dwindled to only 7 runs, there were a few nervous Hawaiian shirts behind the side net. Actually they all had beers in hand, so they didn't really give a rats and were busy cheering for their own averages!!!!!

But more than a few eyebrows were raised as to whether the Partridge ship would be righted with a victory if things progressed the way they had in the first over. However Schlang responded with deft touch to work the side nets and no matter how hard Herschelle tried, it was too hard a task to throw this game!!! The last over began with the pair needing to not get out 7 times and with 2 balls left to go, the rest of the Family began their celebrations. The final partnership had yielded 22 runs (25 from Schlang) for a final tally of 137 runs and the Family had dodged the wooden spoon beautifully. Not a bad effort going from second, to second last in 8 short games, but with approximately 32 catch up games to come, anything could happen.

Next weeks game is at 5:30pm - everyone please advise me of your availability by COB Friday and the team will be named on Monday.

Next weeks theme will be zany hat night in honour of Mojos last game before his trek o/s. The definition of zany hat is something that you wouldn't normally wear - simpsons caps do not count! Anything with straw, bells, vents, accessories etc is acceptable but you *** MUST *** have a zany hat and you *** MUST *** wear it during the game. Schlang, Herschelle, No Look and DB - you are on notice here!!!

Until next time, just remember... Come on get happy!!!

Reuben Kincaid
Partridge Famulee

The Chronicles dated 25/8 and a bit of additional banter as well....

The Partridge Family Manager
c/- Notalentatall Drive
Partridgeville ACT 2600

Dear Reuben

What the fuck is going on over there?

How bloody outrageous! How dare Schlang and the rest of the "non participants" not take part in a social gathering of such terribly detestable uniforms. FINE THEM I say!

I think an automatic on the spot fine or STANDING DOWN of team members not participating in such events should become manditory from now in.

I'll get my greatest minds on the job of detailing how such punishment will be handed out over the next week. In fact, this particular event has infuriated me so much that I shall be putting in place a fines system (a tad more lenient than before) which shall occur from the first game after I return!

You'd bloody better get your hat Schlang after all, you do call yourself a Partridge Famulee member don't you? (oh, and someone bring a camera, I don't wanna miss this one!).

Yours ingloriously


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