Kincaid Chronicle

8th June 2010

(Season 22 Game 12)

With temperatures plummeting to semi-Antarctic levels, it was a pleasure to make another appearance at the House of Blardy Farken. This time, facing a mob called “cause we can”.
I was running late, and had been appointed YCFTN in absentia. So, I quickly sorted out who was present, who was holding beers, who was wearing shirts, who was keen to bat.
Everyone had just picked up a second round of beverages and seeing as no-one had cared to suggest that whomever had had the last shout should maybe do a back-fill and hand the “in absentia” beverage to YCFTN, I decided to open the batting with Herca. Herc faced first, and scored two singles off the jackpot ball. I got myself runout several times due to a lack of fuel (read alcohol) and managed to limp to three runs, whilst Herc zacked it up once and got run out once to finish with 18.
Cali and Schlang went in next, and Cali managed a very respectable 13, having started the innings with two no-balls, almost equalling his partner whom had managed to score 16 at the end of this partnership.
Canada and Poocakes went in next. Canada started with two-dots, then got bowled, then caught, then Poo got caught, and then they decided to crank it up a notch, to manage a scoreboard-light-emitting-challenged nine under. Final scores of 8 under for Canada, eleven over for Poo.
With a combined team total of 53 from 12 overs, I decided to throw Forrest and Conan into the equation. Conan was overdue for a magnanimus century. He’d managed to throw away two ‘suuuuurely’ centuries prior. But, this time I was sure that between him and Forrest, they would make sure that we would be defending at least 153.
How wrong I was. Forrest excelled with the bat to post 20. However, Conan collapsed under the pressure and, despite having hit three zaks, he ended up with a paultry (chickeny-like) nine. He’d been stumped twice, run-out once, and he was also mankadded on the last ball of his innings.
So, with 82 to defend I decided to send in the clowns. Canada, Schlang, Forrest and Poo bowled well but, still gave away 30.
In retrospect, that wasn’t too bad, given that YCFTN, Cali, Herc and Conan somehow managed to give away 70 runs to the next pair.
Bowling the first over of the next partnership, and with the help of Conan, Forrest and Schlang, we reduced the opposition to a smouldering pile of dung and 24 runs.
At this point, the “cause we can” mob were already 42 runs ahead of us.
With no chance of pulling this one out of the fire, Cali, Canada, Poo and Herca bowled the next set. Isn’t it amazing how, when a team is under no pressure to win, they somehow play better and either score more runs, or take more wickets, or just look good all round? Well, that wasn’t the case with these final four. They got taken for a ride, and were unceremoniously dumped in the middle of the forest late at night, with no bus fares or mobile phones to call mummy, for 42 runaroos.
Exit stage left team “cause we can” with 166.

The number of “I swears I did not touch it”s and “I gots no fingers to that, only my chest/shoulder/head/belly/elbow/left ear, etc” led to YCFTN announcing the Captain’s fine thus : “ A goldie to anyone whom so much as did not lay a finger on what would have been a most catchable catch, had a hand been thrusted towards the ball instead of some other part of the body”. Or, words to that effect.

Kleenex Oot.

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