Kincaid Chronicle

20 April 2010

(Season 22 Game 5)

Dateline: 20 April 2010
Venue: MCG
Umpire: Waaaaaazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Time: 8:10pm
El Capitano: Mary

There they were, 9 little chickeny duck things sitting at the bar, minding their own bidness when they were rudely disturbed by Wazza who advised them they had to field. Cries of this club is farked, Tony Bloody Farkin’ will pay for this and Waazza is a homo could be heard from miles away.

The shock had barely worn off about Wazza’s lack of respect to the traditions of Toosday night cricket when I was slapped in face with another bombshell, I was YCFTN. With this knowledge and no prior thought I threw the pill to Hersch to open up. As usual, he bowled without luck going for 3 and he was followed by Canada (and his Aaron Bird like action), Forrest and Splash (aaaaahhhh aaaaaaaaaaaaaah, saviour of the universe… Pause… NOT) who went for 7, -6 and -1. The opposition pair scored only 3 and amazingly had 16 dot balls.

The second pair was greeted by a hungry looking Conon, a second spell from Hersch, an unfit looking Mary and Schlang. They had far greater success than their counterparts taking the bowlers for -3, 15, 5 and 17. This moved the score to 37 after 8 overs.

Poo Cakes greeted the 3rd pair with a variety of pies and managed to only go for -2. This was followed by Forrest (7), Muttiah “Canada” Muralitharan (-2) and a tiring Conon (13) who was bowling his 108th over for the day. This took their total to 53.

Whilst waiting for the last pair I was informed (to my surprise) that Herc had yet to bowl an over so I promptly passed him the aggot. We were also greeted with the sight of Cali in opposition colours, much to the delight of the kitty. Herc first over was a tidy one, going for 0 and this was followed by YCFTN who went for 3 and Schlangbangalangalangaiddydoo who was smashed for 16. The final over was bowled by Herc who was still warm from his first over and managed to restrict the batters to 4 runs for a pair of 23 and a total of 76 for Da Famulee to chase.

Being the brave and honourable skipper that I am I decided to face the new rock with Herschelle. Things were going along at a steady rate with the only moments of note for the first 29 balls being two wickets against Herschelle. Then Mary finally hit the middle of the bat for a zak on the 3rd last ball and promptly followed that up with a zak on the last ball to take the total to a respectable platform of 47. Herschelle 12, Mary 35.

Conan and Canada were sent in next and whilst they were plugging away, YCFTN decided it would a good idea to make the captains fine of a goldie per player if their pair did not beat their opposition skin by more than 40 runs. Two zaks to Conon looked to have the pair on their way to the task but a steady loss of wickets including one of the last ball meant they were a few short, finishing with 52. Team Total 99. Conon 34, Canada 18.

With the opposition total already well in arrears, cries of SURELY were being thrown out left, right and centre and Schlang and Forrest strode confidently out to the middle. Steady wickets threatened to hold the pair to under their skin, but a surprise zak to Schalngy lifted him out of a personal negative score and helped them to 34 runs. Team total 133. Schlang 8, Forrest 26.

With the game seemingly under wraps Herc and Splash went in with only one thing in mind, 64 runs to avoid the captains fine. This looked a sure thing after Bukkake zakked up in the first over and runs flowed. With 21 of their approximately 32 balls remaining the pair only need 32 runs. Then disaster struck with “Chris” taking 3 famulee wickets and a -4 over. With revenge in the air, Cali and “Chris” (who had gone for -6 in his first 2 overs) were selected to bowl again. Cali bowled the penultimate over and relinquished 11 runs without any incidents of note. The final over vs “Chris” left Herc and Bukkake needing 34 off the last to avoid the captains fine. Bukkake twice zakked up but they had already lost too many wickets and finished with the highest score of 58, but 2 goldies short in the hip pocket. Team total 191. Bukkake 29, Herc 29.

So the end result was a rare win as captain for Mary, Captains fines to everyone but Mary and Herschelle and everyone but Herschelle avoiding the “if you don’t take a catch, that’s a goldie” fine. Finally, much to my chagrin, Bukkake got the 3 points and Herc (+22) and Conon (+24) can feel hard done by, as they had a healthy positive net worth and didn’t manage to get any Houndstooth points.

Result: Da Famulee 191 (4 skins) def Thrill Killers 76 (Jewish, a.k.a No 4 skins)

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