Kincaid Chronicle

I wished I listened to my Mother...

(Season 21 Game 21)

“It’s times like this that I wished I listened to my Mother…”

Words fail me….

No, hang on, they’re back!

That’s right, its times like this I wished I listened to my Mother. Why, what did she say? I dunno, I wasn’t listening!

Boom tish!

Despite the reference to parentage and Reuben’s strict reference to parentage in the Commandments (yes, Poo-Cakes, I know the rules!), it such advice that when leading in as Your Captain For The Night (YCFTN) I question 2 things. Firstly, will I take over the mantle as the most winningest Captain for 2010 from BooCake, Sticka and other notable Partridges, and secondly, what will be my Captains fine for the night?

So, it’s an 8:10 game on the WACA, of which only 1 thing is a certainty. It’ll be the WACA that we’ll play on, but the 8:10pm start may actually be anytime after 8:10pm but before Midnight.

As YCFTN, it was never going to be easy to field a side that had in recent weeks been subjected to injury and ‘softness’. 7 were named up until about 5 hours before game time when Harry withdrew and Kleenex was a possible replacement, but this never eventuated, so with 6 named players on site (Sticks, Herschelle, Herc, Bukkake, YCFTN and new recruit Matt ‘Car-naaaaarrr-dian’) Wazza greets both us and our opposition (It’s On Like Donkey Kong) with the coin toss. They call ‘Heads’ and it comes down tails. We’ll bat!

Before a ball is faced, it’s important to familiarise ourselves with recent games with It’s On Like Donkey Kong. This can either work in your favour or just be a pain in the oorse, either way, mediocrity is the winner. The Famulee, so far in Season 21, have had 2 encounters. Game 5 was a loss by 75 runs (82 – 7) when Schlang was the Big C and only he and Hersch made a positive net worth. Game 12 was a win by 37 runs (121 – 84) with Mary as the Big C in that encounter, who managed to top score with 44 runs and gain a massive 53 positive net worth. Alas, no Schlang or Mary to repeat their positiveness and if we look back further to Season 20, Da Famulee lost on the 2 occasions that we met. Probably best we don’t talk about that…

So, as YCFTN, and despite howls of protest with beers in their hands, it’ll be Bukkake and Hercules to lead off and build a solid start. And what a start it was, 18 off the first over, a zak to Herc in the second over (a soft zak in terms that even with massive movement of his left leg away from the line of the delivery and the follow through of the bat just managing to connect with the yellow ball) it was almost slow-motion like as it hit the back net on the full. Wazza raises both hands to indicate a ‘six’, but sadly, not in the same motion as Billy Bowden. Boo Cake, or Tony, as Wazza had listed on the scoresheet that never lies, couldn’t repeat the zak effort of Herc but did manage to push the score along and be 43 runs at the first change. A nice platform indeed.

Next up, Sticka and YCFTN, as it’d been a while since we’d batted together. Sticka begins the Rock, Paper, Scissors routine but YCFTN was having none of that hand crap and simply pointed Sticka to face the first ball. Seeing as YCFTN had already gone into the stats book as having achieved a jackpot ball zak for the current season, it was only fair that Jimmy Neutron have an equal opportunity. Sure, he protested to YCFTN that his zaking ability had been a little ordinary of late, but after a flurry of colourful language, Sticksy gets the first ball, it wasn’t a zak, but it was an ‘Out’. Oh dear…minus 10 and the scoreboard is broken very early. YCFTN wasn’t doing much better, seeing the ball like it was the size of a grain of sand, out twice and amassing 9 ‘dot balls’ against his name. Together, we make a partnership of 25 runs and after 8 overs, we’re on 68 runs.

Our third pair would be seasoned campaigner Hersch and second gamer Matt ‘Canada’, also known as ‘Beaver’, ‘Squirrel’, ‘Gretzky’ and ‘Moose’, all names associated with the North American continent. I must admit, they had me at ‘Beaver’…

The lads begin cautiously with some dabbage, ala channelling Bevo, Pabs and the Great Man, followed by some lusty bat swinging by import player, the Can-naaaaaaaar-dian. It was reminiscent of baseball, but there’d be no World Series action in the House of Bloodyfaaaaaaaaaaarkin tonight! With Herschelle bowled on the final two delvieres and a zak by Matt Canada, the boys slipped our total score back by 3 runs and the kitty was beginning to feel warm for goldies.

By this stage, Conan had offered to fill-in as our seventh player and as no one from Its On Like Donkey Kong was too fussed about having one of us bat again, YCFTN thought it responsible to sway, duck, swing and as it turned out, stitch-up for a second time.

Conan, the big marn, was in blistering form with the bat, middling everything that came his way. Unfortunately, he was caught out in the process a few times while YCFTN reminded himself that the ball was still the size of a grain of sand. Yep, a few more dot balls for YCFTN and Conan runout a couple of times, despite his blistering pace between wickets, and after 16 overs, Da Famulee had made 69 runs. Yep, everyone’s favourite number, sixty nine. Nice…

So, a quick change and we take to the WACA to field.

With Matt Canada showing he’s good with the bat like a baseballer, YCFTN gives him the opening over so as to ‘pitch’ the ball rather than try to ‘bowl’ the ball in a manner that may actually resemble the game of criggit. The result was 16 runs after the first over to the opposition who looked like they’d settled early. Bring on Sticka for over 2, a runout and a catch stems the flow of runs, repeated in similar fashion by Herca with the third over. YCFTN takes over four and manages 3 runouts on the scoresheet that never lies, two of which was off his own bowling. We take the first skin of the game and their score is 19 runs.

As the opposition’s second batting pair come in, YCFTN gives the shiny yellow pill, that was actually more a dull shade of scuffed light brown, to Car Keys and it would seem his fizz like deliveries were working a treat. Two catches were recorded for his efforts. Hersch is up next and misses out on a wicket, keeping their batters to a couple of wuuuuuuuns. Over seven is with Conan and Da Famulee are hot in the field, collecting a few more catches off his bowling. Over eight is back with the new recruit Matt, there were cries of “That’s two, ah ah aaaah” but no cha-ching and with their second pair only scoring 11 runs, we collect a second winning skin.

At the halfway mark, we were 68 runs, they were 30 runs.

Could this be another wining night for Da Famulee? Would this be a return to the form shown in previous seasons whereby Wazza would still be able to say, “That’s sh*t ladies!” Surely YCFTN would join the ranks as one of the winningest Big C’s for twenty ten?

A new pair come in and YCFTN decides to let Sticks have the over and a chance to redeem himself with a jackpot ball. After getting out earlier for a minus ten, would his first delivery produce an equivalent? It does, but only just, as YCFTN lunges forward, one arm outstretched, hand open and just makes the catch. There’s another sweet minus ten run revenge. No additional wickets for Sticka, but with Herca up next, he collects three to keep the “Hung Like A Donkey” (as written on the scoresheet that never lies by Wazza) on the backward step. YCFTN takes over eleven and fails to take a wicket, but does get zakked and despite Hersch’s best efforts to throw down the stumps, Wazza over the PA says “6 runs plus wuuuuuuuuuun”. Hersch is up for over twelve and contains the run rate, collecting a catch off his final delivery. We miss the skin but after 12 overs, we’re still in the hunt with the Donkey’s on 43 runs and we had 65 runs at the same mark.

A lead of 22 runs with four overs to go and if current form is any indicator, and it isn’t, we’re still a show for victory. YCFTN is tempted to shout “Surely…!!!” but decides against it and putting the mozz on the current state of play.

Bukkake leads off over 13 to the new batting pair and bowls without luck and as if by coincidence, 13 runs are scored in over 13. Conan returns and off a short run-up, produces 3 dot balls and a wicket. They still creep closer to our magic number of 69. With the batters to select 2 bowlers for overs 15 and 16, they decide to face Boo Car Keys and Conan again. What were they thinking? Still, it turned in our favour, with the Tone picking up 2 more wickets as their score went backwards. Conan, with the final over, bowls the same guy twice with some of the best ‘fruit’ YCFTN has seen for some time, but it didn’t matter, as Da Famulee would score another victory in Season 21. Not that there’s been too many of them and Forrest joins the ranks of another winningest Big C for the new year.

Final scores were Da Famulee 69 (Hmmmm…..69) runs – Donkey’s 48 runs.

Of course, there was also the Captain’s fine to come, as we gathered to celebrate that winning feeling. YCFTN was going to make it “A goldie for any Partridge who batted only once” seeing as YCFTN batted twice. But then, given YCFTN was the only Partridge who was zakked off his bowling, the Captain’s fine was for anyone who wasn’t zakked off their bowling. Aaah, there’s an instant 6 golides for the kitty straight away. Together with missed catches, dropped catches and the usual array of fines for negative batting and so forth, the kitty will be summoned by the Reserve Back as they’d like some of their currency back!

Finally, it may have been my Mother who told me not to play indoor criggit, but I wasn’t listening, and just glad to have been with my fellow Chickeny-Duck-things for this one.

FORREST

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