Kincaid Chronicle

6/8/00

(Season 3 Game 5)

With more in's and out's than a night the Raiders went to a Fyshwick brothel, the licorice all sorts line up of Gadj (returning from the Nowra holiday resort), Schlang (just mark me down as available every week), WA WA (Cronulla aren't sharks, they're Bronco feed), Mojo (Can I get a copy of that EELS theme song Gadj?), Jase (That's a SUPER catch that), Herschelle (the slightly agressive bear), Skip (What are you blokes on?) and Stuart (do I really have to play?) all the way from Adelaide, home of the Pooves (err, I mean, Port Power - farken cheating bastards).

It was the fifth different line up the Family has put on the pitch, as we scour the globe in a never ending search for fearless Partridg-ees. It was only our fifth game of the season, and our fifth consecutive catch up game. NB. For those not in the know, we played 8 more games than some other teams last season, and our last game, when we required a win to get the double chance, we were pitted against the might of a side bottom of the division lower than us - ie, a catch up game.

As this is only our fifth game of the season, and with a huge roster of players, and 75 games to go, missing 30 or so games in a season isn't such a big deal, but Schlang, that aging messiah, plans to push his weary "Monty Burns" body around the court again this season and play every game - for he has been capped more oft than anyone else in the side. Young Morris, who has finished his apprenticeship in what can only be likened to as a "training bra" of a Hawaiin shirt, is hot on old Schlang's heels and looks the likely candidate to take over the mantle of most games in a season.

Anyway, there was a game - not a real good one, but nevertheless, a game.

We won the toss and seeing as 5 out of the eight of us had more than 3/4 of a beer in our hands, Gadj sent the Christians to the lions. Mojo and the human guzzle machine, Jase, had finished their beers and headed out to face the music. Suffice it to say, that when Mojo plays the ball straight down the pitch, a run out occurrs. Yep, you guessed it. Jase, backing up further than a loo at Sticksy's place was run out by the proverbial 9 yards. Most times, he just looked around and muttered, oh darn, or something of that nature. Mojo batted sublimely, running Jase out on numerous occassions and making 40 of the 43. Jase batted without luck for 3 valuable runs. But his value to the side would come later.

Herschelle and WA WA went in second. These unlikely hero's made a solid 30 odd in the semi final last season. Could they repeat the dose, or perhaps repeat the dose of the grand final effort where they made only 15 or so?? They didn't let us down. They made about 30. Jase was on the sidelines doing what he does best, giving Gadj shit about everything known to man and then some.

Thirdly, the OTT-ites, Skip (looking resplendant in the Family shirt) and Gadj (looking ordinary in those fucking Blue gloves) went in. In a stroke of luck, Gadj who hadn't weilded a bat in anger for several weeks, managed to assily find the middle of the bat and made 35. Skippy the bush kangaroo down the other end (what's that Skip, you can't hold the bat in your paws?) performed admirably, showing Schlang how to use his feet and made a solid contribution of 22.

Schlang, never one to take notice of anyone moving their feet (well except at O'Malley's on Friday night!) and Stuart (earings are 80's babe), played the straight angled cross bat slog hoik defence thing pretty well, albeit for only 17. Definite highlight was Stuey, running Pete out by hitting it straight back down the pitch, but Schlang, ever clever, raced down the other end to try and "cross" with Stuey. Stuey, ever the team man, looked to the umpire and pointed at Schlang, firstly making sure his foot was behind the crease then saying "he's out, not me". The umpire sent Schlang packing as Stuey raised both hands above his head in delight. Next ball, middle stump went cartwheeling back much to the delight of Schlang and the rampant Family at the back net. Next ball, just to prove that it wasn't a fluke, same result, same dance from Schlang (along the lines of "Go Ricki, Go Ricki" type thing), but with even raucous-er applause from the boys. Stuey bowed his head in horror but thankfully it was all over, he left the net dejected but with many plaudits for his efforts from the gang at the back net.

We had 147 to defend, losable by any stretch of the imagination.

We started well, WA WA only conceded 16 somehow but after 4 overs they had 52. Puffing Billy err, I mean Gadj bowled the fourth over in what can only be described as "a quickly declining over speed wise". The first two balls were normal paced, the last 6 were um, slow. The harsh, self imposed fitness regime has paid off hey Gadj? Gadj, claiming asthma was the cause, muttered something about the high altitude of Nowra being to blame for his lack of fitness. I hear that they don't have altitude problems in the front bar of the Nowra RSL?

After 8 and 12 overs, with Herschelle getting pissy about us not fielding properly (um, we weren't trying to not field properly, it just comes naturally for us) and Pete having a horror (oooowww, the balls following me everywhere I go) in the field, things weren't looking good. Then the last over came around. Mojo needing to keep them below 7 for the win, bowled brilliantly but without luck until Gadj took what can only be described as a very sharp catch low down to his left. He threw out one hand and snaffled it in (actually it was a dolly that came off the gloves and went straight to him). They still were in the game, with three balls to go, it was 140 to 147 and then, the defining moment of the season, more defining than when we paid our way into the grand final last season........Mojo bowls, the batter takes a huge swipe and belts it into the right hand back corner post, it Rick O Shea's, there's no one in sight, Mojo turns around to see Jase dive full length (there was even the thickness of a tally ho paper we could've slid underneath him) and snaffles an absolute treaure. Why was he at the back net in the first place? Who cares, he took a demon of a catch. It ruined their comeback, they were devastated, we were jubilant. But that's not why he's a legend, wait, it's coming later.

We won the game 130 to 147 and off to the bar we toddled. Stories of Jase's catch which already were growing in stature (ie, I was three feet off the ground, there was no way I was gonna get there, etc, etc). Jase decided to feed a beer into his eye or cheek or something and it promptly exploded all over him. "Jase, what were you doing?" came one, "Dunno, I was just trying to take a drink and it exploded". Now that's the difference Milo makes.

Our first of 4 5.30 games next week. Hopefully we'll be able to muster a team together. Till next week, enjoy.

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* BONADUCCIS BRIEFS *
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FRIDAY NIGHT

Interesting serious of events on Friday night. Three nameless Partrigees were at O'Malley's drinking till the late hours of Friday night. Luckily I Reuben was there to witness it or I wouldn't have believed what I saw heard.

Two girls were flitting around the group, chatting, dropping names of high profile people in the Tax Office (which fell on deaf ears) and generally causing concern for the Partridge fellas who were keen for them to "push off". Stuey received a bagging for having an earing, Gadj earned praise for having a nickname that was "better than Scott, we don't like that name" and Schlang just didn't tell him his nickname at all, for obvious reasons (oh bugger, I've just given the identities of the boys away - oh well.)

One of the lasses was saying that she was trying to get the other to give up smoking, so she said to Schlang "when she comes in, tell her that her teeth are yellow".

Gadj was sort of overhearing but missed the last part. "What did she say Schlang". Schlang replied "When she comes in, I have to tell her that her tits are yellow". ?? That of course didn't go over too well but nevertheless, Stuey and Gadj had a good giggle at Schlang's expense.

Suitably unimpressed by all this, the girls were last seen heading toward the door, the boys, still jibing Schlang were seen heading toward the bar.

SATURDAY NIGHT

The First of what can only be described as "A Debarcle of card playing" was entertained by all at Port Jackson Cct Philip on Saturday night. Pete Bowman (late ring in) was victor of the night, followed closely by Luke, Mojo and Gadj. Definite losers, Clint "I bet to make it interesting" and Stuey "This Casino's fucked" were sent packing.

A 6am finish ended what was a great night, with renditions of the EELS theme song bellowing out of the one good speaker of the record player. Sticksy's form on the bum trumpet was extraordinary, followed closely by Stuey "oh bugger, I've dislocated a sphincter", who never fails to please.

Numerous uses of the C word and a barrage of "Bloody farken's" aka Tony the Yugoslav from Wog Boy (do yourself a favour and have a look at the vid if you get a chance) made for a great evening.

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