‘Twas approximately 2 weeks before Christmas and all through the House of Bludyfarkin, 8 Chickeny duck things were stirring for a clash with 8 blokes allegedly “Hung like a Donkey”. With cold ones in hand and a coin in the air, Da Famulee won the toss and elected to bat.
First up was the pairing of a whore (Nayff) and his pimp for the night, Herc, who were out to set a platform for the others to follow. They were off to an appalling start with a Jackpot wicket but steadied the ship with 3 off the first. This was followed by a shaky 0 off a bloke named “Bangers”, and finishing with overs of 7 and 5 to end up with 15. The runs were divided 10 to Nayff (2 Zaks) and 5 to Herc (No zaks for you!).
The next pairing was Mary and Forrest and unlike the first pair, they started with a jackpot zak from YCFTN Mary and a blistering 21. This was followed with positive overs of 12 and 29 but finished with a disappointing 2. Mary was robbed of a 50 after just missing the corner post for a zak which was subsequently caught. The runs were Mary 44 (3 zaks, 1 of which was jackpotted) and Forrest 20 (No zaks for you!). Team total: 79
The third pair was the magical Harry Potter and mystical dabbage master Kleenex. They started well enough with a score of 5, but followed with overs of -5 and 2 leaving the scoreboard doing a peculiar flashing number display thingybob on numerous occasions. This looked to be continuing before a succession of dabbed wunnnss and chews lead to a final over of 8 and a final score of 11. Harry waved his wand for 12 (No zaks for you!) and Klennex nerdled his way to -1, cha-ching (No zaks for you!). Team Total: 90
Looking to finish with a competitive total, Bukkake and Herschelle strode to the crease and despite 4 dots in the over, made a dashing 13 runs off the first. This was followed by overs of 3 and 16 without much happening of note. The pair was poised for a big total until 2 wickets to Splash in the final 3 balls left them with 31 runs. The runs were Bukkake 11 (No Zaks for you!) and Herschelle 20 (No zaks for you!). Team Total: 121
With 121 runs no the board and zero wins as captain, Mary decided to bring back the famed rotation fielding policy to avoid having to select bowlers. This meant that the first pair would have to face the collective grunt of Herc, who went for 10, Herschelle who went for 9, the wiz kid, Harry who went for 13 and Klennex who leaked 24 runs. A comprehensive total of 56 for the first pair and Mary’s losing streak as captain looked almost certain to continue.
The second pair was chasing Forrest and Mary’s massive skin of 64 and struggled from the first over. This was bowled by Forrest and went for 0 runs and was followed by the return of Mary bowling his loopy dippers, which went for -7. Nayff backed that over up with an over of -4 and despite Bukkake bowling well, a zak off his last ball allowed the opposition pair to get back into the positives, finishing with a pair score of 2. Team total 58.
The 3rd pair was greeted by the first bowling regiment which had leaked 56 runs in the first pair, however Herc began well and they were in trouble with -7 off the first over. Herschelle and Harry followed with overs of 6 a piece, leaving the pair needing 7 runs off the Kleenex over to win the skin. Klennex began well with a wicket and with one ball remaining they need 4 runs to win the skin. A run out followed leaving them with a skin of 3 and team total of 61. Surely we couldn’t lose it from here.
With 61 to win the game and 32 to win the skin, aggressive batting was required. Forrest started it off and relinquished 9 runs before Mary followed, successfully taking a couple of wickets and going for -2 runs. Nayff bowled next without lucky, going for 14. This left the opposition needing 40 to win the game and 11 to win the skin. Bukkake stepped up with his first 5 balls going for -10 and despite some late consolation runs; they only got 2 off the over, 23 for the pair and 84 for the game. Da Famulee WINS!!!!!!
So a win and 3 skins and the first win as captain for Mary.
Mary 3 (N/W +53)
Forrest 2 (N/W +11)
Herschelle 1 (N/W +5)
Others: Herc +2, Nayff 0, Bukkake -4, Harry -7, Kleenex -23