Bukkake was named the big C for this evening's debacle, which almost became tomorrow morning's debacle, such is the timeliness of games preceding 9.30 games this farken season. With the late timeslot and a bunch of softies previously playing for Da Famulee in the past three hundred seasons it was time to blood two new players. "Harry" (The Chosen One) and "Basil" (Aaron Fox).
And so it was that Da Famulee went out to bat first, led off to much grumbling by a beer holding Bevo and his trusty sidekick (or is that trusty kick back down the pitch) Kleenex. Surely a solid platform, but enough about their physical stature. The early overs were slow going, with cries of "The farking scoreboard is broken" and "That's not a zak". I overheard YCFTN saying that anything above 16 would be a platform from these two, and with neither batsman managing a scoring shot hitting the back net (or even the back half of the side nets) they ended up with, you guessed it, 16. A solid platform. Wait, what?
Next in would be the movie star pairing of Forrest and Harry, Bukkake liking to mix it up a little in the middle order. Some lusty swinging from this pair saw them amass 18 in their first over, but it was all downhill from there with them ending on 34. Still nary a zak to be seen although there was textbook swaying from Forrest and some lusty hitting without achieving a maximum.
Wanting to not save the best for last (and also wanting a break before fielding) Bukkake sent himself in with Herschelle, and there was some shenanigans after the rock paper scissors when Herschelle offered the strike to the victor Bukkake. Suuurely it should be crayoned in that the rock off loser has to face, rather than choose to hog the jackpot ball? Anyway, Herschelle managed to dab the jackpot ball for 2x2 and also slam a zak in his first over, and Bukkake joined in the zakfest off the first ball of Junwahh's second over (the third over for the pair). Somewhere along the way Herschelle also amassed 400 season runs, on what could suuuurely be a threepeat 'Tooth season for the flexible part time grumpy man. 40 runs from this pair saw the total at 90, and a risk of a defendable total for Bukkake to somehow overcome.
In walk Basil and Hercules, to the cries of "Hurry the fark up, I have to get home or my breakfast will be cold" and the boys didn't disappoint (there were really no expectations) with a crushing double runout off the first ball. The scoreboard was well and truly broken, and continued to blow fuses until well into the last over of the match, when the boys somehow stumbled over the line with a glorious partnership of 8, Basil contributing 10 of these. Cha farking ching Herc......
And so it was that they had to somehow defend 98. It started well, with a dot (make that two) and then Bukkake claiming a "Third Ball" wicket with the second ball of the innings. Wait, what??? Hersch chipped in with the only other wicket of the first skin and the Polar Bumholes had the first skin. Just like that. It's so easy easy when everybody's trying to please me baby...
Herc, Bevo, Kleenex and Harry bowled with enthusiasm and hope at the second skin, and a tidy effort it was too, they kept them to 22 and a skin belonged to Da Famulee, giving them a point and probably still keeping them at the bottom of D grade, still yet to play a team in their grade in 22 blardyfarking games this season.
Bevo, Kleenex, Herc and Basil even gave them a remote shot at the title by bowling line and length (especially Herc, I saw his length in the dressing sheds earlier in the night and it certainly was impressive) and getting the boys the third skin. Unfortunately the opposition only needed 15 runs off the last four overs for the match, and try as they might Da Famulee were on a hiding to nothing (which is one of Forrest's favourite 'after weather' activities in the Prime studios).
Hersch, Forrest, Harry and Bukkake formed the four pronged pace attack (and you should see their... oh... wait, what???) for the last skin and despite giving it a red hot go all four gave away double figure overs including a massive 0 wickets each to hand the Poohead Bears the win. Unfortunately they couldn't take the trophy as Herschelle had cunningly left it at home.
Until next time this is Reuben J. Kincaid signing off.