Kincaid Chronicle

Mean Machine

(Season 20 Game 16)

Having noted the Big C published against my name, I knew the responsibility of organising the nights rabble into a lean, mean fighting machine, with designated pairings and a meaningful and powerful bowling attack had been thrust into my lap. So, I duly gave it no further thought and made it up as it went along.

I chose to go with the controversial "knuckles" policy, and took to the field first, calculating that it would leave me with more time to sit & drink beers, un-interrupted later in the evening.

It would appear, from what I can decipher of the score-sheet, that allegedly never lies, that the first opposition pairing made 34 runs, 30 of which came from the first two overs off Knuckles and Mary. With only 3 off my first and only 1 from Stick-a-tek..... he that always complains of poor fielding to his bowling!!!!!

The next pair went "whoopee" and piled on 79 runs in their 4 overs, with Bukkake - 15, Bevo - 30, Hersch - 14 and Forrest - 20...... leaving our opposition even more confident that when they had noted on the whiteboard, upon arrival that Blardyfarken had randomly selected us as their token opposition for the night......

Their third paring helped my gameplan along, compiling a tidy negative 7, minus 18 off my second over taking us a long way toward redemption....

The oppositions final pairing made 14 runs, taking a total 125.... very get-a-bull!!! for any team worthy of being considered as such....

Soooo, looking at the skins and deciding to pair hitters to chase particular targets, I sent Forrest & Sticks in first.... chasing 39, and with 42 on the scoreboard, with one ball to face...... STITCH-UP...... the boys come back with only 37!!!!! Forrest = 20 and Sticka = 17!

Next in was Knuckles and Mary..... looking for the legendary, first, jackpot ball zac has meant the paper, rock, scissors is becoming more strategically important than previously ...... Knuckles obviously won and went forward to post the required outcome, 14 runs from 1 ball faced!!!! Mary zac'ed the next, but it was only worth a paltry 7 runs. This innings provided much big hitting and many lusty blows, but chasing 79, they only managed 48! Finding it hard to read the scoresheet, which as we know, never lies, I think Knuckles managed 31 and Mary 19.... the more astute amoung you might note that doesn't add up to 48 at all...... but that might explain why you're not Umpiring at the House of Blardyfarken!!!!

Chasing the -7 skin, I decided I deserved the chance and took with me Bevo..... we seemed to have made a miscalculation somewhere, our score also a 7, but not flashing at all....... three me, four for bevo and cricket not really the winner, rather the fat ugly chick, sitting in the corner with her vodka, hoping someone would ask for a dance!

Herscelle & Bukkake in last, the score on 92 and needing 14 for the skin but 34 for the win!

With yet more umpiring magic, the scores of Herschelle - 15 and Bukkake - 2, have been added up to a magnificent 18 runs, taking the skin.... but alas falling somewhat short of ultimate glory..... which as a sentence perhaps goes further in describing this club than any other typed into this chronicle!


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