Kincaid Chronicle

What a blast !!!

(Season 20 Game 17)

I had turned up to the venue of Blardy Farken. And surprise, surprise, it
seemed like everyone knew that it was my Birthday. I got a hug from Polar
Bear Draddy, then the bar erupted in unison (well, ok, in sequence) with
Birthday wishes. As a consequence of it being my B'Day, I would like to
think, I was made YCFTN. The fact that my name was at the top of da teem
list is by the by.

Match Day coinciding with my Birthday was like the stars and the planets
miraculously aligning themselves for this special event. Only, they were
crooked.

Match time was 9:30 in the pm. Birthday dinner had been at 6:30 also in
the pm. Luckily we didn't win the toss or something and despite our calls
of 'we are batting' we ended up fielding. Which turned out to be a
blessing, since dinner was still being processed when the match started.
The first opposition pair looked like they had no clue. I deduced this
from the fact that one of them had little darty/shifty eyes, and the other
was not wearing a team uniform. Obviously a fill-in. But, just in case I
thought that I'd ask Schlang to open for Da Famulee. Good call Cap'n.
Despite the jackpot ball, a zac off his bowling, and near death experiences
for Forrest - what with the ball fizzing into or just past him - Schlang's
first over cost only 7 runs. Sticker too had reasonable success and gave
away only 2 runs. Then Knuckles bowled well for a -ve 5. I thought that
this was too good t o be true so, I decided to bowl. I got carted for 8,
and at the conclusion of the game I had to pay a fine for having paid a
fine which I did not have to pay, on account that I had thought that I had
been called for three leg-side balls...when I hadn't. Bugger. No fear.
The final score for the first pair was 11.

Next up were Hersch, Mary and Splash-o-matic. Herschelle did well for a
-ve 3. This new pair just had no clue. One of them was also deducted 5
runs for not wearing the team uniform. Mary, though, learned the hard way
that no matter how incompetent your opposition looks, they can still hit
you for a big time zak off the first ball. Despite taking a wicket, this
over cost Mary 11 runs. Splash brought the opposition pair back down to
earth with a thump, or should I say, a splash, and gave away nothing,
except for the 4 runs that he gave away. Things were looking good, so I
thought that I'd bring Schlang back for another foray with the ball. One
run is all that this pair could wrestle from Schlangalang's bowling. So,
they left the court with their bats between their legs with the score on
24.

I next passed the ball over to Forrest, whom by now had regained some of
his nerve, after very nearly being split in half a number of times thanks
to Schlang's bowling. Each batsman was runout once and they scored a
measly 3 runs. I then had a dab and managed to give away 7. Enter
Knuckles, who had a torrid time with the ball, but gave away only 1 run.
His first and second last balls resulted in a catch each, but he was
no-balled twice...while bowling spin. I asked Splash to bowl again, and
despite not grabbing a wicket, he bowled tighter than a fish's bottom and
he ended up with 8 runs. Final score of 19 for this pair, with their team
score on 43. We were a chance.

Final pair had to face Sticks first up. First ball was a jackpot double
catch. That, with their 'out of uniform' for both batsmen, meant that
they had started really really badly. When Sticks had finished, they had
managed a measly -10, despite having stolen an extra run. Forrest
rectified that by giving away 14 runs despite no additional runs being
stolen. This pair had looked like they could run like rabbits, and they
looked like they could steal extra runs while we weren't too interested in
stopping them, seeing as their score was risible to the point of hilarity.
However, when Mary got hit for a zak off the first ball of his over, it was
de-ja-vu all over again. See Mary's first over. This time he ended with
19 against his name. Herschelle was last man to bowl, and he finished
quite upset when this pair decided to
steal runs from a very tidy over. Despite a stumping, and two stolen runs,
this pair took 13 runs from the final over, to bring their team total to a
more challenging 79.

I thought that a platform was required, so I matched Mary with Forrest to
be the first pair. Forrest could run, Mary could smack the ball.
Captain's orders were to bring us close to the opposition's score. Both
batsmen - and I use the term loosely - smirked as they walked in. Imagine
their and my surprise when both of them had hit zaks and, despite going
backwards a couple of times, they had followed their Cap'ns instructions to
the letter and they had taken us to 74.

It looked like it would all be easy peasy from then on. Although, with da
Famulee, you can never be sure. So, I threw another pair into the fray,
that I was sure would reinforce that Platform even further. Knuckles and
Boo-car-keys set about destroying the opposition's attack. They did have a
little hic-up in their third over, when they could only score singles and
dots and Splash was caught once more. But, in the end they prevailed and
they had scored 49 to bring the team score to a nice looking triple digit
123.

Next, Schlang and Herschelle combined to further demoralise the opposition.
Despite a slow start, having only managed 4 runs off their first over, with
Herschelle being runout - which is a very rare occurrence - and Schlang
dotting it up, they finished with 48 runs and the team score on 171.
With the entire centre chanting "Happy Birthday, you dude" *, I entered the
court accompanied by perennial Magpies waterboy, Sticks. I commented that
we would have to score something along the lines of -90 to lose this
one...and Sticks corrected me with "that would be -110, Cap'n". But, I was
right in the first place**. So, I ducked, and I weaved, and I got bowled
big time. I don't know what it was but, I felt that these guys just wanted
to bowl bouncers at me. They might have been bowling at waist height but,
they were certainly aiming for my head. So, despite a few scares, I carved
out a 16, while Sticks scored a couple of zaks in each of the first two
overs to end on 35. Final Famulee Team score of 220, and finally I could
breathe easy, now that we had secured the win.

I didn't drop a catch this time, but I certainly didn't take one either so,
fines all around for the Captain, including the non-fine payment fine.
Everyone else also had to pay a Captain's fine, which I muttered as we came
downstairs from the bar before the game, but which now escapes me, like it
did at the end of the game.

Kitty loves you all.

Cheers,
Kleenex (YCFTN).

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