Kincaid Chronicle

Can not see the Forrest for the Bush

(Season 20 Game 15)

My fellow Partridges…Forrest here, to be known from this point onwards as YCFTN (Your Captain For The Night) only ‘cos I find it easier to type the 5 letters YCFTN than actually spelling it out!

Coming into Game 15 of the current season was one of both excitement and confusion. The excitement of having Bush (aka Zac Moore) selected to re-form the “Father & Son” partnership after a lengthy absence, but also one of confusion given it was difficult to know who was where with milestones with Reuben’s recent policy of no Chronicle equals no match stats. (However, Reubs has provided an update which is included later in this Chronicle.)

What I was prepared for was to produce a Chronicle with a difference, a pictorial one if you will. So, with a digital camera in hand, I was hoping that a few piccies would capture an evening of mediocrity at its finest!

So, we gather on a chilly night at Bloodyfaaarkin’s place, a team of 8 which would consist of Bevo, Pabs, Herc, Sticks, Herschelle, Bukkake together with Bush and myself as YCFTN, which I might add, did see the letters ‘VC’ for Vice Captain against Bush’s name in the starting line-up, but much to his relief, Bush’s captaincy know-how was there should the game turn ugly. After all, ugly and mediocrity can go hand-in-hand with Da Famulee…

Our game was scheduled to start at 9:30pm (also known as the new Midnight) and while YCFTN wasn’t too concerned as to whether we were actually on time, what could be confirmed were 3 things. Firstly, our opposition named from the previous week would turn out to be a completely different team. Two, our opposition for this game would be the Polar Bears (Horraaah! We haven’t played them in ages and they’re more a side on par with our crap abilities). Thirdly, Wazza would be our umpire which usually produces plenty of sarcastic observations and his trademark call of “Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrn” when a single is scored.

After the usual shouts of “We’ll bat, we’ll bat”, Wazza performs the coin toss, YCFTN calls “Tails” and once the coin finished a half marathon of rolling around the floor, it finally came to a stop, tipped over, revealing itself as a ‘Tail’. Yes, we would bat.

Now, in recent efforts of Season 20, YCFTN seems to have drawn the short straw of opening, but tonight would be different. I select Sticka & Hersch to open the batting for the purple & lime green. Surely a platform in the making?

It was difficult to know, given Sticka’s ravings, er, passionate support for his mighty piez and my concern that he was going to play AFL with the yellow criggit ball, but somehow, YCFTN knew a fine offering and platform was in the making. And how true it was. 19 runs in their first over! In fact, during overs 1, 2 and 3, both Sticks and Herschelle managed not to lose a wicket. Mind you, they also managed not to zak it up, despite reminders from outside the SCG of where the back net was (hehe). Over 4 saw Sticks get caught (trying for a zak) while Herschelle performed brilliantly to chalk up a tidy innings.

After 4 overs, Da Famulee were off to a solid start with 48 runs. Not bad, considering some efforts during Season 20 have produced less totals after 16 overs!

YCFTN decides that he and Bush would be batting next, reforming a batting partnership, the likes which hadn’t been seen since Game 9 of Season 19, a game where Bush made easy runs and knew how to ladle a bat & ball, indoor style. A game where Forrest (YCFTN) managed to pick up a few runs himself.

Would history repeat? Would a platform of 48 runs be too much to chase and better? Would Bush be able to see the ball through all that crazy hair?


The short answer is “Yes”. Well, except for bettering the 48 run platform by Hersch and Sticks.

Looking a million dollars with their Hawks tops and dubbed “Buddy” and “Roughie” by Sticka in recognition of 2 Hawthorn greats, Buddy Franklin and Jarred Roughhead, the partnership couldn’t have started better, a first ball jackpot zak off YCFTN’s bat. Bush chipped in with some fine straight bat shots during the early stages of the partnership, while YCFTN swung the bat at anything and added 2 more zaks to the scoresheet (that never lies). 3 for the night. It’s been a long time since that’s happened. From the highs there are lows, and both Bush and YCFTN managed to lose their wicket twice each but walk off with a partnership of 44 runs and at the half way mark, Da Famulee had 92 runs on the board.

Next up as the 3rd batting pair would be the ‘Dabbage Brothers’ as I like to call them, Bevo and Pablo, so named from the fine dabbing style of Pabs and the often lustful swinging of Bevo that really ends up a ‘dab’ at the ball.

YCFTN decided to keep the ‘brothers’ together if only to ensure their form continued for the enjoyment of many, as on a recent Toozdae night when they were split, it wasn’t pretty. Me thinks best to have them team up again for another week, although, their first over didn’t quite reach the dizzy heights I had anticipated. Bevo fell short of his ground after dabbing the back net on the full, only to be denied his zak. Pabs, however, showed fine dabbage with the bat, pushing 2’s and 3’s at will and ticking the scoreboard over nicely. Perhaps it was Pabs’ lime green Raiders beanie that helped him keep his cool, mistaking it for official Famulee attire of the bucket hat? He managed not to lose a wicket despite some questionable potential stitch-ups and it was Bevo who would have ‘R/O’ (Run Out) against his name on 3 occasions on the scoresheet that never lies. Still, the Partridge Famulee by the end of this partnership, had moved into triple figures, the scoreboard wasn’t flashing (for a nice change) and after 12 overs, we’d moved to a score of 111.

As the Polar Bears gathered after 12 overs, they were beginning to show signs of panic. Well, panic is perhaps too strong a word. Maybe a little bit of dread? Perhaps they shouldn’t have cheated, er, practised before the game? Had they peaked too early in the practice nets?

To further build a strong run chase for our opposition, our final batting pair of Bukkake and Herc were ready, having chugged a couple of icy beverages of the ale variety.

Bukkake, always up for some massive bat swinging at the best of times, would find himself facing the first ball and about to enter an exclusive club. The club of “Jackpot Zaks”. Not only had YCFTN gained membership to the “Jackpot Zak” club about 20 minutes earlier, but Bukkake would now find himself in the company of other notable chickeny-duck things, Mary (who did it 2 weeks in a row), Sticks and Knuckles, to have 2 x 7 written in the first column of the scoresheet against your name. Unfortunately for Boocake, he would be caught and bowled later in the over while Herc managed to keep his left foot from swinging across the stumps and push the ball for 2’s.

We weren’t used to seeing Herc keeping his customary left foot from arcing across the pitch and it was suggested by the gallery that perhaps he’d been watching a few too many Ashes cricketing highlights, given the Aussie were about to take on the Poms. We weren’t also used to seeing Boocake notching up a second zak in his innings, but he managed this feat beautifully, that was when he and Herc weren’t getting out or showing off their textbook ‘sways’ or hitting the ball into the ‘door’ on the back net. You could say that Bukkake made good use of the ‘backdoor’ on more than one occasion…

The lads made a partnership of 31 runs and we would end up with a total of 142 runs to defend.

A quick change over and defend 142 runs, or at a minimum, win a couple of ‘skins’, something the Famulee haven’t managed much of lately. So, I throw the ball to Pablo to begin over 1 and his first delivery is wide, times 2 (“That’s two ah, ah, aaaaah”) sang the chorus along with “Surely!”, given it was the jackpot ball.

Pabs, to his credit, avoided a third wide and subsequent goldie in his over, but it was a little expensive, with 20 runs coming from it. Next up is Sticks with over 2, and immediate success on his first delivery, a little edge to Bush in the corner and his safe hands takes the catch. Bukkake, with over 3, collects 3 wickets on the scoresheet that never lies, with some fine work in the field by all helping to put the Polar Bears under the pump. Bukkake would also go on and drop a catch off his own bowling and suddenly the kitty was looking healthy. Over 4 would be bowled by Bush, and while the first skin was within reach, he wasn’t going to let the purple and lime green down, sending down a steady stream of deliveries that were steadily cracked back over his head and into the back net. 3 zaks is never pretty off your bowling in one over, but with 2 run outs, Bush saves the skin and the Polar Bears score 37 runs in their first 4 overs. Oh, and Herc parried one of those zaks – bring on the kitty.

Overs 5, 6 7 and 8 would be bowled by YCFTN, Hersch, Bevo and Herc respectively. No particular theory behind the order, just make it up as you go along, it’s the Partridge way.

First ball by YCFTN went wide, times 2 for the jackpot factor, the second delivery is also wide and “Cha-ching” is heard. Also heard, the kitty getting hungrier for gold coins in fines. No wickets for YCFTN but over 6 by Hersch was tight, a few 1’s and 2’s plus another run out, keeping the Polar Bears under control. Bevo’s over was much like Hersch’s, didn’t give too many away before Herc came on and cleaned up nicely. 4 wickets in the over made a nice dent in the oppositions score and more catches to Hersch, YCFTN and Bush meant we’d escape a potential fine. Herc had his chance too, but a dropped catch off his own bowling meant 2 goldies for the effort, a reminder even Wazza was happy to broadcast!

At the half way mark, remembering we had 92 runs on the board, the Polar Bears were 43 runs with 8 overs remaining. Now, I’ve seen Da Famulee in a potential winning position like this many times, only to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory, but I had a good feeling that we may be tasting success (for a change) but as it would turn out, it would be the kitty that tasted success via fines.

Over 9 by Boocake saw another dropped catch off his own bowling (Cha-ching x 2) and sadly no wickets for him, before Bush returned for his second over and another resultant run out. At least this time, Bush wasn’t zak’d and better figures of only 6 runs taken from his over. Keeping it in the family, YCFTN took the ball from Bush for over 11 and picked up a few wickets, including one by Mandkat, if you could call it that. Quite possibly the worst mandkat ever performed and witnessed. Such a pity that Knuckles, the keeper of all mandkats, missed out on seeing this one. Sticks, who had given YCFTN a bit of shite over the aforementioned mandkat, was given over 12 and he too turned out a bit of fruit for Bevo to make the easiest of stumpings. The Polar Bears had gone backwards and with 35 on the scoreboard after 12 overs, we had won another skin and were on track for victory.

As we entered the final 4 overs and a lead of over 100 runs, YCFTN makes another random bowling selection with Hersch to take over 13, Bevo for over 14, Herc over 15 and the final over to Pablo. I couldn’t remember the last time Pablo ever had over 16, if at all, so why not do it now.

As usual, Hersch was on a good line and length, resulting in a run out. Some more of that ‘fruit’ from Bevo worked a treat as he picked up 3 wickets, Herc did well despite a zak off his second last ball while Pabs also managed a couple of wickets but it wasn’t enough for the skin, as their last pair equalled our last pair’s score of 31 runs.

What we did manage was a win. Final scores were 142 to 66.

Milestones achieved on the night included 100 runs for the season to Bukkake and 25 season wickets to Herc. Oh, we also managed to have a few laughs along the way and feed the kitty a total of $18 on the night in fines.

So, as we made ourselves available to be ‘sighted’ in the bar afterwards, with a cold beer close by (or a diet softie in Bush’s case), a quick squiz over the scoresheet saw some pleasing figures, all of which can be viewed on da website, including ‘Tooth points.

Photos from the night have been added to the Partridge Famulee page on Facebook.

FORREST
Your Captain For The Night

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