Kincaid Chronicle

vs in2itive bilbys

(Season 20 Game 13)

Tony Blardy Farken has got this strange idea that Da Famulee members are all into some weird fetishist drive. We know that Boo car Keys is, but the rest of us are not all that into getting our rosy/untanned buts smacked so regularly. For some reason we keep getting put up against these teams that end up scoring between 100 and 200 runs more than we are capable of posting ourselves. Reuben should be on the blower to this Tony Clown and express our deepest regrets, and that we might not keep fronting up if the status quo continues. Rant over.

So, Come on Get Happy !!!.

It was Boo Car Key's 200th and Schlang a lang's 325th. A fact that must have escaped Reuben when he named me YCFTN. Boo was aware of this and he put on his diplomatic cap and attempted to negotiate a smooth transition of the Captaincy from me over to him. Negotiations stalled when there was no beer forthcoming. On further scrutiny of what was on offer, making Boo bowl 1st and 16th overs for his 200th appearance or, let him run the stack-hat themed show, I opted for maintaining the legitimate elected government in power, and so I told Wazza that we'd be batting.

Boo Car Keys (aka Tony) and Forrest donned their batting gear and the game was on. The scoresheet that never lies shows that Boo celebrated his 200th by scoring a zak in the first over. The celebrations carried over into the second over, with Forrest being run out twice. Run Forrest, Run !!! Boo was stumped and then caught in the third over, after Forrest himself had been caught off the first ball. No outs in the final over to finish with a partnership of 19. Lucky 13 to Boo Car Keys. The balance (you work it out) to Forrest.

The second pair included Schlang. A man to whom we've looked up for over 324 games. Today being his 325th, he amazed us all by grabbing two dots off the jackpot ball and ending up with 2 at the end of his first over. He then followed through with a -ve score off three of his four overs faced to end on -15. Monners tried to keep up but, he ended up with 22. Partnership of the difference between 22 and -15. Anyone got a spreadsheet?

Enter YCFTN, and with a running streak of paper scissor rock against Bevour, going back to the beginning of time, Bevo thought he'd ask what I was going to throw at him this time. No clues Bevour. Bevo tried hard, but after three goes, I had once again triumphed and Bevour had to face the jackpot ball...two dots. When I got the chance to bat, I could not connect with the out-swinging fizzing yellow thing. Eventually I connected for a 2. No outs. But, it was all downhill from there. Bevo got himself out about fiteen gazillion times, mostly runout, to end up with -18. I managed a 7 after being runout off the second last ball. I had hit the ball behind me on the legside and I wasn't planning to go for a run but, seeing Bevo wasn't stopping and since I had not yet got out, I thought that a stitch-up was well, I run.

This is as far as the game should have gone but, no. We had the magpie army carrying on in their usual annoying ways. I think that I even saw that goose with the golden jacket, not the Tooth, starting to don the attire.

Enter Herca, sporting a black and white cap, a black and white scarf, and a black and white guernsey. What Da? Goodbye SMFC. Obviously, the Seed-knee Swans have been losing too many games by Herca's standards and he's switched over to their nemesis, the Colli-wobbles. There's always been something odd about Stickatek. And so, it was no surprise to see him attired in a similar way to Herc. Minus the cap and scarf. So, he's obviously not as avid a fan as Herc.

No zaks again from Sticks. He ended with an entertaining 8. herc on the other hand, still had a Swans' feather stuck in him somewhere 'cause he came home with a big 10. Total team score of 33.

We had no hope in hell of grabbing a victory here. So, I opened with the 200th gamer. Boo Car Keys did well to give away only 13 runs with no outs. Same as his score with the bat, so on a net zero. Schlang followed and gave away 14. No wickets still. Herca gave it a go. Not only was he bowling with all kinds of questionable gear, aimed at putting the batsmen off (along with the bowling team), but like most of us, he was also wearing a bicycle helmet/stack hat. Despite this handicap (wearing pie gear) he managed to give away only 22 runs which included a run out.

I thought this wasn't too bad, so I thought I'd give it a whirl. Having bowled a wide, I followed through with a dot, caught, caught and bowled, three, bowled, bowled and a dot. That resulted in a -15 off my bowling. Exit the first pair on 34...1 more run than our total score.

Forrest (9), Monners (13), Sticks (26) and Bevo (18) bowled to the next pair for a total of 66. Not a single wicket came off that. After Sticks had fluffed a lot of chances when I was bowling, I decided to keep in the back net when he bowled...and he gave away three zakz in his first four balls. Nice work YCFTN.

With the game irretrievably lost, just like when the Swans opened the scoring in the last quarter against Collingwood, except they kicked behinds instead of goals, and then the Pies scored, what, 4 goals?, we had Schalng (8), Herc (10), YCFTN (-5) and Bevour (25) bowl to the third pair, who ended up with 33. Troy played the role of Kleenex's biatch this time, succumbing to my slow, super slow bowling and being stumped and then run out for -7. The other bloke stole 2 runs from my bowling. Everyone managed to get at least one wicket this time.

By this point in time, Tony/Boo/200th gamer kept looking at me with puppy eyes and an extended hand hoping to get a bowl...but, not the 16th over. Bad luck me old mate. Forrest (-2), Sticks (12) and Monners (6) bowled in that order, leaving Boo Car Keys to bowl the 16th for, wait for it, 13 runs !!!. So, Boo Car Keys in his 200th game managed a positive net of 13. There's hounds tooth points in that for sure.

Herc's forecast margin of 180 did not eventuate, and so we only lost by 129. Not a bad result given the quality of the opposition, and the lack of quality in our batting...

Captains Fine was a goldie to anyone stupid enough to wear a pies outfit to the game.
Kitty made squillions thanks to many dropped chances and negative scores and a successful mankad. Schlang had to be escorted by security, what carrying all that gold around in Weston.

Better luck next time boys (and Sticks), against a team of equal preferably in the right grade. Congratulations to the upteenth gamers.

P.S. Video of Herc donning some filthy gear to appear on the facebook famulee page in the near future.

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