Kincaid Chronicle

Arith-met-ic Umpires

(Season 19 Game 13)

Picture this: Itís a tad after 7:20 in the P.M. on the 10th February of 2009. The sun is still up, the heat has been oppressive all day, and the veritable house of Blardy Farken does not sport any kind of cooling device. Thus, it presents itself as the veritable oven in which a whole bunch of chickeny duck things will spend however long it takes to thoroughly roast 8 of them. Well marinated of course. Or at least thatís how it felt. It was the match between da Famulee and the in2itive Bilbyís.
I was somehow anointed YCFTN (Your Captain for the Night), which feels a bit weird when the sun is still up. Somehow we managed to organise things such that we would bat first. First up Sticksy and Monners. My way of thinking is, if these guys look like each other, then they are bound to complement each other with the bat. Thusly, Sticks opened with a Jackpot back-net 10. Not a zak. Seeing as Sticks couldnít get himself caught, bowled, stumped, run-out, lbw-d or anything that would cause him to get out, Monners took it upon himself to try to even up the score, getting caught twice and stumped once. There is no such thing as being run-out when these two are on the court. Final score of 58 including a zac in the 3rd over by Monners who ended on 22. Sticks with 37 would seem to give us 59. Are we playing with a handicap?

Anyway, I thought that this looked like some sort of platform so, in went Herschelle and Schlang to either cement that platform or make it sleep with the fishes. These dudes did not disappoint and ended with a nice partnership of 27 including a zac from Schlang in the 6th over. I must say, 24 and 58 adds up to 82 in my book but, the team total at this stage shows 76 in the scoresheet. I donít know what the deal is but, the scoresheet never lies.

Kleenex and Bevour (aka Bebbo thanks to my Pertharian accent) went in next. Iíve obviously got no idea how to add, since Bevo scored 31 (zaked it up in the 9th over) and I scored 12 to give usÖ33. What Da? Team total up to 117.

Boocake and Herc brought up the rear. And geeze, that rear was plump and round and it dragged on the ground. Final partnership of 2 with Boo carrying the bat to finish on 6 and Herc. Well, best not talked about really. Both batsmen (if you can call them that) hit a zak in the 14th over.

So, there we have it. Team total of 119. if I add the individual scores, I come up with 128. I donít know.

The Bilbyís went in, and we opened with Bevo (13), followed by Sticker (5) and Monners (8), finishing with myself Kleenex (2). So far, so good. Bilbyís on 28. No handicap yet.

Herc (14), Boocake(13), Schalng (24) and Herschelle(4) saw the Bilbyís move straight up to 83. Not so good, and the score still adds up.

We needed to rein these Bilbyís back into their burrow so, Monners(13), Sticks(6) and Boocake(3) were bowled to some effect. Unfortunately, I undid all their good work by giving away 18 runs. Bilbyís on 125. This guy can add.

We were still in with a chance. However, Herschelle(22), Bevo(18) and Herc(20) saw to it that we didnít. Schlang didnít follow the script and had only given away 1 run in the 15th over. Bilbyís by an ear with 186 runs ďaccuratelyĒ scored.

Editors Note: The umpire was in fact a dud. real score (score written)
Monners and Sticks 59 (58) Total 59 (58)
Hersch and Schlang 18 (24) Total 77 (76) Schlang scored -3 not plus 3
Kleenex and Bebbo 43 (33) Total 120 (117)
Bukkake and Herc 2 (2) Total 122 (119)

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