Kincaid Chronicle

The Endless Pursuit of Mediocrity

(Season 19 Game 12)

February 3 vs The Ducks

YCFTN: Monners

I was somewhat surprised to see the big C next to my name when I checked the team list on Toosday, but I figured that if we lost tonight’s game my record would return to a perfectly mediocre 50%. YCFTN was then informed by Herc that true mediocrity is well below this level, which left me somewhat disheartened. As I was inappropriately attired (cha-ching!), Preston walked straight past me and tossed with a mystery chickeny duck thing. We lost the toss and had to field. Come game time (which was about 15 minutes later than schedule), we still missing Sticks and Kleenex, so we all rushed in to the net to get the game underway as quickly as possible. (Cha-cha ching!)

YCFTN decided to give Hersch the shiny new pill. Off the jackpot ball he managed to get their batsman to spoon one off the net near Herc, who managed to take a brilliant… drop. Cha-cha ching! Hersch kept things tight for the rest of the over, before selling his cricketing soul for a mankad (cha-ching!). With one over gone, 6 gold coins were already headed for the kitty.

Mary, who was filling in for Sticks (Kleenex arrived after one over), was brought on to bowl the second over, much to his delight. On the third ball of his over, the holy grail of fines happened: the parry off your own bowling. Cha-cha-cha ching! So shaken up by this, Mary then bowled the next two down leg side to give him another fine. A torrent of abuse was then levelled at Sticks, who had finally made it to the house of Bloodyfarkin.

Forrest was then brought on, and he gave up a zak before getting a wicket back, and kept it tight for the rest of the over. YCFTN brought himself on for over number 4 and after bowling possibly the biggest wide in Famulee history and getting zakked, got a couple of run-outs to keep the score in check.

The fearsome pace battery of Schlangy, Kleenex, Hercules and Bee-vo terrorised the second pair. Bevo intimidated the batsman into popping one up to Boony, whose role was tonight played by Kleenex. There were definitely some “cha-chings” in there but YCFTN won’t make any direct accusations, even if there is a belated “question mark” placed at the end.

At 56 half-way through the innings, Da Famulee was overachieving. Hersch was once again brought on to bowl his crazy around-the-wicket outswingers and they just couldn’t hit them. Forrest and Kleenex both bowled better the second time around, and didn’t give up many runs. Mary got over number 12, and this time really was happy as he’d pencilled himself in for number 16. His whatever-he-does (I don’t watch him bowl because the batsmen hit the ball hard and you have to be ready) were pretty effective, and the partnership was kept to 16.

YCFTN’s 13th over specialist, Hercules, was then brought on and didn’t disappoint, taking a great catch off his own bowling. Given his fielding / sabotage efforts through rest of the innings it was clear he was after that Houndstooth. Schlangy was brought on to bowl his tasteful nudes and kept the score in check, which given how hard they were swinging was a good effort. By the time Bevo came back on they had their eyes in though, and Bevo went for 17 runs. YCFTN bowled #16 and was the beneficiary of some sparkling ‘keeping by Bevo. All up the pair made 32 and the team (who are apparently called “The Ducks”) 104. Suuuurely….

Having been accused of thinking ahead by Sticks during the bowling innings, YCFTN had completely forgotten that he had to tell people when to enter the arena and provide entertainment. After umming and ahhhing for a couple of hours, YCFTN decided that the two that should open were the only two who hadn’t gone outside or upstairs: Forrest and Schlangalangadingdong. Entering to the calls of “platform!”, the pair were very solid. With no zaks during the pair, some may say the partnership was a little Ian Thorpe-esque, but in scoring 32 runs the platform had been laid.

Some time during the first pair, Herc reminded YCFTN that he batted well with Hersch last week. YCFTN agreed, and sent them in second. Hersch tried to smash every ball for a zak, but he holed out twice in his first three balls. Herc kept the score respectable with two zaks in the first over, including an amazing spoon-block that floated all the way to the back net. From that point on Hersch decided to play down-and-up, and Herc finally got out a couple of times in the last over to make the skin interesting. With one ball to go the pair was still one short, but the bowler let Herc off the hook by bowling a wide.

Kleenex and Bevo made an all-too-rare (or not) appearance together as the third pair. In over #10 Bevo cleverly placed a spooned shot right to the guy at the back net, who then parried it off his chest and hands for a zak. Sometimes you just have to let the fielders help you out! Kleenex was playing the ball into the ground far too often to be entertaining to the peanut gallery, but ended up with a solid 19, and the pair reached 40.

Once the 5 runs were taken off YCFTN for the incorrect attire, only 8 runs were needed to win the game. Suuurely we couldn’t lose it from here. YCFTN tried hard to lose it, but kept missing the ball by about a foot. Mary was hitting the ball hard, and in the second over managed to get one straight enough for a zak. In the third over, YCFTN hit one which the fielder on the leg-side managed to catch and drop no less than 140 times (conservatively) before finally putting it down. Despite our best efforts we won the pair and the game, 148 to 104.

Best Bats:
Mary 23
Bevo 21

Best Balls:
YCFTN 5/-1
Hersch 3/5
Schlang 2/10

The fine-age highlight of the night was of course Herc, who managed to rack up 6 goldies all by himself.

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