It was a warm 33 degrees on Tuesday evening, however inside the House of Blardyfarken the furnace burned at full strength to ensure the temperature did not drop below 55 degrees. Only people working on the smelters in BHP would find the temperature refreshing, unfortunately most players enjoy their working conditions in air conditioned comfort and would normally be sent home in such obscene temperatures.
As players, supporters and workers entered the House their jocundity evaporated as quickly as pizza given to a bunch of Ethiopians. The heat was soul destroying and only the strong (or foolish) would survive 32 overs of gruelling punishment. The myrmidons, led by Schlangy (YCFTN), were such fools.
The toss was lost and we were sent in to field, something the Famulee hasnít experience for quite a while. Kleenex just made it into the court before the first bowl, thereby avoiding a gold coin donation.
The new but heavily worn out cherry was given to Mary, the pressure of the jackpot ball was getting to him as sweat began to build up across his forehead Ė either that or the temperature was so warm that he was perspiring beer. Well the pressure certainly got to him; with the first delivery being a no ball. Most mere mortals would have succumbed to being slapped around the park after his start, but his remaining over was tighter than a fishes bum hole and took 1 for 4. A great start, surely we couldnít loose it from here.
Schlangy cogitated with the next bowling line up and decided on maintaining an attacking approach and brought in Herc, Sticks and Kleenex. The boys didnít let the captain down, with all taking wickets and keeping iSlog down to 35.
Bush, Hersch, Forrest and Schlang took care of the next batting pairÖ..by giving them plenty of runs and demonstrating their nonpareil of mediocrity. iSlog took a commanding lead of 85 runs after 8 overs and were looking comfortable. The commentary team, brought in fresh from their 20/20 commitments, flashed up on their screens predictions of the final score Ė the common answer was 170 runs after 16 overs.
Schlangy, touted as a possible future captain (of the Partridge Famulee in another 20 seasons or more), set in motion a plan to vitiate the opposition. Kleenex, Bush, Herc and Hersch were chosen and quickly turned the game on its head. The development of Bush as a strike bowler, drafted since birth, was paying dividends as he took
3 for -2. The batting pair only managing 11 runs off some very tight nude bowling.
The final batting pair looked emaciated after waiting 12 overs in the sauna and had trouble walking to the crease. YCFTN took advantage of this and elected to bowl the 13th over and bowled slow methodical nudes capturing 2 for -1. Forrest followed up with an inspiring 0 for 12, which allowed Sticksy to capture 2 for 2 from the Reuben Kincaid Stand end. Mary was giving the final over and was expected to continue his fine opening spell; this sadly didnít eventuate as he took 1 for 14 giving the Famulee a tough task of chasing 124 to win.
The first batting pair, Forrest and Bush, started the inchoation of a foundation. Forrest always opting to face the first delivery due to his political stance against Rochambeau started off with a flurry Ė eight off the first deliver (thatís not a zak). The first three overs of this partnership saw them dominate the opposition and held a comfortable lead over the skin. But just like buying a cheap sofa, the comfort is just not enough and the boys fell three short of the skin with 33.
The second batting pair Mary (Iím an umpire therefore Iím gay and I donít want to bat last because Iíve got to be gay) and Herc were given the hardest skin to chase and took an abecedarian approach to chasing down the numbers. However, in a trice the scoreboard was flashing and the lads needed to pull something out of their bag of tricks to avoid any potential fines. And rally they did, it was not pretty cricket (some may not have even called it cricket); with a solid partnership of 21 bringing us 70 runs shy of a potential victory. Surely 35 runs from the next two partnerships was achievable, but then again this game wasnít a final and after 19 seasons nothing is sure with the Famulee.
The third batting pair of Sticks and Schlang played in a perfunctory manner started off solidly with 19 runs after two overs. Then the gates of hell were opened (not the doors to the House of Blardyfarken) as Sticksy smashed a zak through two playersí hands, then Schlang followed up with another zak that hit the back net three millimetres from the ground. The bowler was punished for 22 runs and was seen sobbing in the corner after his spell. It was unclear whether his tears were from losing his hand when attempting to catch Sticksyís zak or from being deliriously happy that he wasnít playing for the Famulee and up for a lot of gold. A solid partnership of 46 saw the final batting pair needing only 24 to win.
The final batting pair of Hersch and Kleenex strode onto the court with a look of superciliousness. The pair could not be fulminated as they shared the runs around like two drug addicts sharing tricks. Sure, the partnership did not have the showboat antics of an inaugural ceremony for a black American president but they did manage to score 19 runs a piece and guarantee a win in Partridge Famulee history.
Final Score: Partridge Famulee 138 to I Slog 123
Umpire: Monty Burns
The Winner: The Kitty
Opposition: I Slog (or maybe that is iSlog and is a product of Apple Macintosh?)
Partridge Famulee VIII: Schlang; Kleenex; Herc; Sticks; Forrest; Bush; Mary; and Herschelle