And how is it that I was the “Big C” only 4 weeks earlier and get to be the “Big C” again in such a short period of time? Where’s the rotation policy? What sort of game is Reubs playing? My name wasn’t even at the top of the list with just minutes before game time! It was Bush’s name, not Forrest’s! Aaah yes, it was Pabs who duly pointed the finger in my direction, hinting ever so subtly that I should be Captain.
And so it would be…
Hi sport fans and welcome to another instalment that loosely passes as light reading, gentle banter and delicate slander known and loved by many as the ‘Chronicle’.
With an 8:40pm start (which was never going to happen) the sweat box known as Bloooodyfarkins roared into life as Bukkake, Pabs, Mary, Bevo, Herc, Herschelle, Forrest (YCFTN – Your Captain For The Night) and special appearance by Bush mingled around the SCG with our opposition “Thrill Killers” and waited for Wazza to do the coin toss. As the Thrill Killers only had 6 players, Waz gave them the call of he coin, (how does that work? Just ‘cos we had 8 players does that mean they get the sympathy toss?) which they won by the way, and they said they’d bat.
Kewl, happy for them to bat as this would allow Wazza to warm up his umpiring with a few ‘Wuuuuuuuuuuuuunsss” early on, well, that’s what I was hoping for.
I give Boo-Cake the reasonably new yellow ball to begin our innings in the field. A good start, helped by a lovely stumping by Bevo, was just what we needed, together with a cha-ching for 3 deliveries judged as not in the spirit of the game, despite howls of protest by Car-Keys. The kitty was off to an early start, and would end a top night in kitty terms.
Kleenex takes over number 2 and all the ‘Doof-Doof’ in his car on the way to game was obviously his ‘secret ingredient’ to taking wickets and his bowling got 2 wickets, unlike the 3rd over from YCFTN, smashed about and wicket-less. Unfortunately, over 4 from Bush picked up from the previous overs’ trend and he too went for plenty (and nearly a goldie) and the scoreboard was not flashing as we’d hoped, but rather illuminating with 39 runs.
Surely we couldn’t go backwards from her….
As luck would have (may not have actually involved luck but sheer arse) the Famulee do very well through overs 5 to 8 which push the Thrill Killers backwards on the scoreboard. Okay, so it’s backwards by 1 run, but it’s still backwards!
Mary, with over 5, chips in with some of his usual fizz and a couple of dot balls, then Herschelle collects a couple of wickets during his over, Bevo during the 7th over also picks up 3 wickets, including his milestone 200 Career Wicket, with Herc in over 8 also amongst the wickets. He was also amongst the zaks off his own bowling! But it was during these 4 overs that saw Pabs take a screamer of a catch. Fielding in the death seat, the ball has come off the back edge of the bat and then in slow motion, the big marn has moved to his right with his right arm extended, hand open, for the ball to fall into it just centimetres above the floor. It was a gem! Hersch during this time was (as always) all over the SCG like a fat kid over chocolate cake, YCFTN managed to hold a catch and throw down the stumps for a run-out and Bush did his best at attempting to stop the ball with his feet. Apparently using your hands like normal players is a concept not quite grasped amongst the youth of today!
So, sports fans, at the half way mark, their total was 38 runs. Nice work, me thinks, especially as recent scoresheets for Da Famulee hadn’t been very kind and loomed large as thrashings. Could this be a victory in the making?
In a word, ‘No’, as what unfolded next is perhaps best left unsaid, but I’m gonna tell you anyway. Their 3rd batting pair went on a tonk-fest with the bat. Bukkake’s second over cost plenty, Pabs got zaked twice, Herc’s 2nd over did produce a wicket but more runs and YCFTN’s over saw it smacked for a zak when it wasn’t being hit to all the nets. Not a pretty sight and a partnership of 73 runs and suddenly our opposition were in triple figures on the scoreboard.
By this stage, the ‘Thrill Killers’ had grown from 6 players to 7 and we had to pick another batter for their 4th and final batting pair. YCFTN selects one of their earlier guys who had shown a bit of form but not enough to be a ‘threat’, well, how wrong YCFTN got it.
Their final pair put on 46 runs.
Bevo, with over 13, joined the zak-fest, Herschelle bowled tight in over 14 and was an exception to the rule, Bush got the ‘cha-ching’ message for dropping a catch off his own bowling (never a pretty picture) and Mary’s final over was wicket-less. It probably didn’t help Mary who parried the ball into the back net earlier in the night. Yes, another cha-ching for the kitty, which by this stage, was probably beginning to question the economic downturn as it wasn’t showing any signs of a slowdown.
As we come off the SCG, we need 157 to tie and 158 to win. Anything that would 156 or less would be crap, mediocre and very Partridge-esk.
I ask Bukakke to open and who he’d like to open with, he says “Mary” and so it was to be. Some fine dabbage with the bat in the early stages of their innings and then in typical Boo-Cake style, charges down the pitch, misses the ball and is stumped. Mary manages a lovely zak during their 3rd over before Bukkake decides he better get a zak on the scoresheet (that never lies) with the last ball he faces, before Mary chops the final ball into the side net to get the runs needed to win the skin. Lovely work to watch and the platform is built. 40 runs between the lads after 4 overs was a terrific effort, made all the more possible when a couple of extra runs were stolen. Yes, Mary can steal an extra run when he wants too!
Enter the 2nd pair of YCFTN and Bush, aka, Father & Son. Needing to stay in the positive to (a) get the skin and (b) to get closer to winning, it was Bush who was showing all the signs of a level head and more maturity with the bat in the 1st over. Managing to pick off the deliveries in a style that the great Bradman would’ve been proud of, it was YCFTN who took a dive backwards, getting caught twice in the first 2 overs. But all that was to change, when during the last over, Bush faced 7 out of the 8 deliveries (and thus just avoiding another cha-ching) and threw away his wicket 3 times, twice being bowled and once being stumped, caught a little short of his ground. Still, the scoreboard wasn’t flashing, no zaks were hit despite howls of protest from the rest of the Partridges and Wazza got a giggle out of what passed as criggit. We managed 9 runs for the partnership and the over all score has moved onto 49 runs at the halfway mark.
Our third pair of Herc and Hersch had a mammoth task of chasing down a skin of 73 runs, but given Herschelle’s recent run scoring achievements already in Season 19, surely he’d be up for challenge! Well, kinda, as the boys went gentle for the first few deliveries they faced before Herc lashed out and cracked a nice zak to help boost their total towards (a) a winning score and (b) winning the skin. In fact, their bat swinging was good for 3 of their 4 overs before they let themselves down in their 4 over together, Hersch out 2 times and Herc once, bringing their partnership back to 33 runs.
After 12 overs, Da Famulee were 82 runs and still needing 75 runs to tie, 76 to win.
Enter our final pair of Bevo and Kleenex. Now, as YCFTN, I’ve witnessed Bevo make remarkable efforts with the bat and bring the Partridge Famulee home (or close to it) in recent times and I was confident that such an effort would miraculously happen again. Yes, miracles are what’s needed when you’re wearing the purple & lime green, or in our case, the Hawaiian shirt that’s already too hot to wear in the House of Bloooodddyfaaaaaarkin when our ‘Wife Beaters’ would’ve been far more attractive and comfortable.
Anyway, Bevo was out in the first over before Kleenex also succumbed to being run-out, however, Bevo popped a zak onto the score sheet to give the score some respectability. Coming in to the 16th and final over, Mary says, “All 8 deliveries need to be zaks if we’re to win this game!” and he was right. What was wrong was that it really needed him to be facing the ball, but he’d already had his turn. Of course, when anyone says “That’s not a zak!” what do we do? Yep, we try to hit a zak. And that’s what both Bevo and Pabs attempted, sadly, with no success. Even a couple of additional deliveries, allowed in the final over, didn’t help (unless you’re trying to get out a bit more!) and we make it into triple figures but 38 runs short.
Final scores: Thrill Killers 157 – Partridge Famulee 119
So, after 6 games in Season 19, Da Famulee has only won 2.
Of the 2 games I’ve played and Captained in Season 19, I’ve lost both. I’m beginning to see a pattern here….but as always, proud of the effort, the growing kitty totals and the sledging that continues to reach new heights.
Most of all, proud to play crigget with my son Zac, who does a great job when he plays and will hopefully one day lead into a dynasty of other ‘Forrests’ to wear the purple & lime green.
Your Captain For The Night – YCFTN