Welcome to another exciting instalment of the Kincaid Chronicles!
Well, I’ll do my best at making it exciting, as it’s been a few weeks since I spluttered my way through pressing letters on a keyboard and made sense of a Partridge game for both those at the debacle and those wishing know it was a debacle. Or should that be mediocrity?
Anyway, it’s Forrest here, aka YCFTN (Your Captain For The Night) and it was nice to be able to contribute mediocrity after several weeks of (notable) absence. Yes, not since Game 17 of Season 18 had I ‘swayed’, ‘cha-chinged’ or ‘zaked’ for Da Famulee, an absence of some 10 weeks, so there was every chance as I duly appointed myself as YCFTN, that I’d need a quick refresher course on Partridge crigget etiquette.
Firstly, come armed with plenty of goldies! Also, remember to recite such customary lines of, “I question your sexuality”, “What game are you watching umpire?”, “Surely…” and “That’s One, ah ah aaaaah” for every time a ball is bowled wide and off the pitch. And of course, the expected, “Don’t you know the rules?” Who could forget that!
Now, given this was Game 2 of a new season, I’m not sure whether it’s a carry-over game from the previous season, it’s a ‘Grading Game’ (of sorts) or just Bloooodyfaarkins way of having the Partridge Family make up numbers on a Toozdae night. I’m guessing it was typical Bloooodyfaaarkin just making up the numbers, for we were advised that we’re to play a team called “Maggots”. No, I hadn’t heard of them either. Surprise, surprise, we play a different team on the night. Well, same same but different. It’s the Polar Bears!
Gaz is to be our umpire (Wazza was busy giving “Wuuuuuuuuuuns” on another pitch) and the toss of the coin is made. They call ‘Heads’, it comes down ‘Tails’ and YCFTN decided to let them bat.
We probably should’ve delayed the decision to field by 30 seconds, if only to cha-ching Pabs (who arrived just in time and avoided the goldie), but with 8 players, off we go. Fresh in my mind is the over rate. Do we adopt Ponting’s tactic from the Indian test series or not? I think, “Bugger it!” and give the ball to Herc.
With his traditional action that we’ve all come to know and love, Herc piffs a few down with mixed success. Success that could mean it lands on the pitch verses it doesn’t land on the pitch! Success for the Polar Bears means making runs off his bowling. Such was the result, but Boo-Cake coming in with over 2, surely…. we couldn’t go backwards from here? Well, the scoreboard did go backwards, thanks to a lovely stumping from Bevo off Boo-Cake’s fizz. Monners is up for the 3rd over and all was going well till his last delivery is not only smacked into the back net, but neatly hits the coke sign on the full, right in the centre. 7 runs and a free coke to Starks (damn it!) Up steps Pabs for the 4th over and with a couple of dot ball deliveries and a run-out, it wasn’t quite enough to curb the Polar Bears and their first pair finish with 42 runs.
Overs 5, 6 7 & 8 would be Ads (recent recruit Adam), then Hersch, YCFTN and Bevo, with Bevo chasing 3 wickets to reach his milestone of 200 career wickets taken. For Ads, it was a case of cha-ching for 3 leg-side wides, no wickets for Hersch, same for YCFTN despite plenty of opportunities for catches, and then Bevo, doing his best to bamboozle the batters into them giving up their wickets to reach his milestone. Somehow, I don’t think being zaked counts towards saying you were bamboozled. Pity…
At the half way mark, it’s not a pretty sight. Gaz, that is. He’s beginning to struggle with not only pen and paper on the scoresheet that never lies, but also with the technology that we call the scoreboard. It was difficult to know what was the actual over number let along a progressive score. For all we knew, where it showed 82 runs at the halfway mark, it could’ve been more (or less) as YCFTN thought (and hoped).
As their 3rd batting pair came out, YCFTN decides that Monners would have a crack and hopefully not provide a repeat performance of being zaked with a bonus coke attached. How true this would be. A tight over resulted in only 5 runs against the speedster, with more ‘pace’ from Herc to follow. Okay, it wasn’t so much about the pace, more about keeping it real, which Herc did. A wicket and only 8 runs from his over. Boo-Cake was back and like his first over, plenty of fizz with the yellow pill, 3 dot balls and 7 runs against his name. YCFTN takes the now fading yellow pill and finally gets his first wicket for the season, thanks to a spectacular catch from Boo-Cake, who was now behind the stumps, owing to Bevo copping a couple of nasty deliveries into one of his knuckles and unable to field, especially with a bag of frozen peas in one hand.
After 12 overs, the Polar Bears had hit 3 figures, with the scoreboard showing 108 runs. Of course, Gaz was still struggling with the technology of pen, paper and machine, so the score could’ve been anything!
With the Polar Bears only having 7 players, we were asked to pick another batter and as YCFTN really wasn’t too fussed, afterall, this game could’ve been a continuation of the previous season, a round-robin affair or just a ‘best of 3 knockout’, I let them decide.
To finish our innings in the field, Bevo (sore hand and still 3 wickets shy of a milestone) would begin. He’s probably wishing he didn’t, as it turned out to be an expensive over of 20 runs. Ouch! And not just ouch ‘cos of his hand. Hersch was up for over 13 and a top over it was. 2 wickets the result. Pabs took the second last over and bowled without luck, with Ads to round out the 16th and final over. A mixed over for Ads, some tight deliveries mixed with some not so tight. In fact, loose and wide, resulting in a couple of extra deliveries being the 16th and final, but he did manage to pick up a wicket against his name to finish on a promising note.
So, after 16 glorious overs in the heat of Bloooodyfaaaarkins place, we stare at 146 runs to draw, 147 to win.
Given this game was played on the 11th day of the 11th month, notably known as Remembrance Day, surely as we bat we’d give something to this great game that we could remember it by. Well…
Bukkake had to leave early, so YCFTN sends him out with Monners as the likely pair to build a platform in our chase of 147 runs. Boo-Cake promised me something if I let him bat early, ‘cos he’s always up for a good bat, so to speak. Actually, he did tell me a funny joke that sorta echoes around then ‘bat’ theme…oh, hang on, back to the game. Boo-Cake shows some nice swaying, a zak and dabbage in the first over with Monners, who’s doing his best not to get out, but it’s not working. This ‘disease’ on getting out spreads to Boo-Cake and together with Monners, the pair provide some mild entertainment of seeing who can get run out the most. It would seem a few times! The lads manage just 12 runs in 4 overs.
YCFTN decides that he’ll be part of the second pairing with Herschelle, as it’s been a while since such a combination had graced the salubrious surrounds of Weston Creek’s finest establishment! (May not actually be salubrious but it is in Weston). Hersch is on fire during the first over, YCFTN is still coming to grips with batting after such a long absence and somehow with only 7 fielders against us, we’re just not picking the gaps as we’d like. Or, more to the point, as I’d like! Hersch lost his wicket once, YCFTN twice but with 7 ‘extras’ faced for some lovely sway work, it diminished our opportunities to hit the back net as we would’ve liked. A partnership of 30 runs the result (I think – Gaz still struggling with the scoreboard) and we miss the skin but have pushed the score along to 42 runs at the half way mark.
Herc wasnts to know the remaining batting line-up, so I let him know that it’ll be him and Pabs as our 3rd pair, with Adam and Bevo as the 4th, figuring that Bevo was wanting to still rest his injury a little longer.
Herc faces up first and in a shot reminiscent of an overhead winner that Andre Agassi or Pete Sampras would be proud to have made, uses his bat like a tennis racquet and swings it up high to put the ball straight into the back net. I can’t recall ever seeing him do this previously, nor am I ever likely to see him do such a shot again! While not as stylish for his second zak of the innings, he did manage to keep the scoreboard ticking over, with Pabs proving once again that dabbage and a bad mo in support of Movember can go a long way in putting off a bowler. For a time. The guys did manage to stitch each other up for run-outs a couple of times, but they also managed to produce the best platform of the evening to that point, and also picked up the skin.
After 12 overs, Da Famulee score was 79 runs (we think).
Needing a massive last batting pair effort if we were to claim victory over our friendly rivals, YCFTN would normally ask the question of “Surely?” but thought stranger things have happened.
With Bevo and Ads making a strong start in their first over together of 15 runs (on the scoresheet that never lies), Ads continues to show lusty swinging even Boo-cake would be proud of. Another 15 runs is added from their second over together, then, with the totals getting closer together, now is the time YCFTN asks, “Surely?” In fact, Monners asked it too! A bit more dabbage and with Bevo’s hand showing improvement, it was some of the best batting we’d seen from him for sometime, and it helped to get us close, but no cigar. Even a last ball zak in the 16th over from Adam wasn’t going to get us over the line.
Final scores. Polar Bears 146 runs - Partridge Famulee 138 runs.
Bevo – 39 runs, Herc – 21 runs & Ads – 20 runs