It was the night before Wednesday, and all through the house of Bloodyfarkin, many creatures were stirring, even a hungover umpire-farkin*. The toss went up, and came down in Marys (YCFTN) lap, fell to the floor, hooray it’s a head. YCFTN said we’ll bat, with cheerful glee; Modern Guru was the opposition and was forced to flee.
Enough of that cheerful rhyming rubbish.
Forrest and Gaz (playing his 25th game) were made to bat first, being closest to the door, were asked for a platform. The started slowly, but exploded in the third over with 3 zaks and 30 runs. The fourth over was just what was required bumping the score up to 42, Gaz and Forrest (bringing up his 300th run for the season) splitting the runs in half, for 21 each.
In a moment of madness, YCFTN chose himself and debutant Mero to bat next. A steady start was foiled in the third over with a massive -16 against questionable bowling. However, they recovered, with 17 in the final over to crawl back to 16. Mary scored 25, Mero -9 (cha-ching). Team score: 42+16
Bevo and Harley were announced as the next victims, despite Bevo’s (aka Pap smear aka C*nt scrape) cries of “oh, do I have to bat with Harley again”.
Mary, replying with disdain; “did you bat with him last week? Unlucky, beat it!” And so he did “beat it”, but that was much later in the night. The thought of batting with Harley again affected him and he struggled his way to -4. Bevo further compounded his pain, by swearing at the umpire in the 7th over of our bowling, losing 5 more runs and a goldy. Harley on the other hand, dominated the attack, hitting a zak and helping the partner ship to 14 runs. For those who can’t count, Bevo -9 and Harley 18. Team
The final pairing of Bukkake and Herschelle started with Bukkake getting caught and cries from the galahs at the back that the scoreboard was broken, which by the flashing number in the 4th column, appeared to indeed be broken. This was followed by a swinging delivery that Bukkake began to sway for, but was beaten by the swing. A huge appeal erupted from said Galahs at the back and Bukkake was correctly adjudged LBW, causing laughter from the bleachers. However they recovered, again in the third over, which I am now dubbing the action over, scoring 30 runs. They finished strongly and finished with 37 runs despite having no zaks. Herchelle with 28 and Bukkake with 9. Team Total: 42+16+9+37
And so we were to defend a Team Total of 42+16+9+37 and we did not start brightly. Bukkake going for 15 runs followed by Herschelle 1 and Mero 15. Mary finished the pair, going for 11 and we lost our first and highest skin. Pair 1: 15+1+15+11
Harley was first up after the break and went for plenty. 18 coming off it. Gaz was thrown the ball and he delivered, bowling hawrd and fawst and going for -7 runs. Pap smear was next, keeping it stead and only going for 7. Forrest finished the pair off and also bowled the ball to them, going for 4, but not doing enough to win the skin. Pair 2: 18+-7+7+4
With the game slipping away, YCFTN again threw the ball to Harley first up and Harley again went for a few, 14 runs off him. Bevo followed with an unlucky spell** and went for 15. Again needing a miracle, Gaz was tossed*** and also given the ball and bowled extremely well. Probably should have had 2 or 3 more wickets, but ended up going for 6. Forrest was again asked to finish off the pair, and he again responded well to this request. Forrest ended up going for 9 runs, Pair 3: 14+15+6+9
The final pair just needed to score -5 runs to win and they went about in the opening over against Mero who ended up with -2. Mary was then requested, by Mary to bowl the next over, and Mary agreed. Bowling with flight, dip and guile, he took a couple of wickets and despite getting hit for a zak on the first ball, ended up going for 1 run. Third up, Herchelle and with the batsman needed another – 4 for victory, Herchelle had catch dropped first ball, followed by what some**** have called the greatest catch in the history of Da Famulee***** by Mary. This was followed by a crafty tactic of bowling many wides which was good news for the kitty, and ended up going for 7 runs. As YCFTN looked around for the final bowling option, it came to YCFTN’s attention that had forgotten Bukkake, who bowled the first over. And so he was to bowl the last, and he did a fine job only going for 7 runs. Pair 4: -2+1+7+7
And so, Da Famulee secured another loss, Team Total: 42+16+9+37 to Pair 1: 15+1+15+11+Pair 2: 18+-7+7+4+Pair 3: 14+15+6+9+Pair 4:-2+1+7+7 or alternatively 104 to 123. Another loss for Mary as Captain.
Gaz: 3 Tooth points and 25 games
Herchelle: 2 Tooth points
Mary: 1 Tooth point
Forrest: 300 season runs
Everyone else, but especially Bevouir who cost himself, and arguably the whole team for swearing at the umpire and not following it up by questioning the sec-su-ality of the umpire to earn a credit.
YCFTN=Your Captain for the Night
*What rhymes with Bloodyfarkin?
**Probably wasn’t unlucky
***Possibly by Bevo?
*****Catch would have been easy for someone with regular fitness, quickness and ability.
******Congies, short for congratulations
*******Commies, short for commiserations