Kincaid Chronicle

Polar Bears Playoff 15

(Season 17 Game 15)

Fellow Partridges…
The wearers of Purple & Lime Green…
The Chickeny-Duck-Things…

Welcome to another thrilling instalment of the Kincaid Chronicles, this time, Game 15 of
Season 17, which to the best of my knowledge may well be the half way mark of the
season, or, it could simply be the continuation of grading games, or, who knows what
the #$@% it is under the guidance of Bloooodyfaaaaaaarkin!

It doesn’t matter what it is, all I know is that it was another 5:30pm game time, (the
204th time we’ve been scheduled to play at this time in the history stats and we all know
the scoresheet never lies), our opposition would be the ‘Polar Bears’, (the 16th time
we’ve now played them) and as Reuben hadn’t appointed a Captain for the night on Da
Website, I duly stepped up and assumed the mantle of being the big ‘C’ for the night.

Now, Season 17 hasn’t exactly been kind to Da Famulee and of all the previous games
played for this season, the previous 14 games have returned 3 wins and 11 losses.
(Surely we’ll still make the finals?) So, despite a poor track record thus far, I was hoping
to emulate the 3 winning-est Captains so far (Dubyah, Herc & Kleenex) with this game.

So off to the MCG we go, and thanks to Knuckles for finding an 8th player to make up a
full side, our umpire Rick (the DUDe from here on in) tosses the coin, I call “Heads”, it
lands as “Tails” and with much encouragement from Boo-Cake, the decision to bat was
made. This was good news for Bevo, who was chasing a milestone of 100 runs for the
season (he required 7 runs) and Nooclays who needed 2 wickets to reach the milestone
of 500 career wickets. (Mumblings from Knuckles of 2 man-kats to reach this were noted
and we’d have to wait)

Your Captain For The Night (YCFTN) selects himself and The Chad to be the first pair to
take on the Polar Bears and while The Chad wanted to play ‘Paper, Scissors, Rock’, I
wasn’t having any of that and YCFTN would face the first ball. And what a ball to face,
cracked for zak! Just the start we were looking for. Sadly, YCFTN’s ability to see the ball
after this went rapidly downhill, but with The Chad in full support, plenty of top net and
some lovely circle work from him, we managed to push the score in a positive. No cries
of “Scoreboard’s broken!” for us. Well, sorta. There was the occasional shout of “Stichup!”
and despite a couple wickets against our names, we build a platform of 23 runs.

It was during the 3rd over that YCFTN selects Hersch and Bukkake as our 2nd pairing. A
slow start from the lads, but some lusty swinging from Boo-Cake sees 2 zaks off his bat,
the 2nd being an absolute cracker! So good, I think he began to ‘chubb-up’ for a
moment. Their 8th and final over was good one with a total of 25 runs coming from it and
a partnership of 40 runs was made, despite Hersch not seeing the ball as his innings
progressed. Surely Boo-Cake couldn’t lose the Jacket from here?

So, at the halfway mark of our batting innings, Da Famulee had amassed 63 runs. With
the Aussies playing India at the same time in the 2nd final of the Tri-Series at the Gabba,
in comparison, we were doing nicely! *
* Our game didn’t involve monkey noises or shirt-fronting streakers! Pity…

YCFTN nominates Bevo and Kleenex as our 3rd pair to keep the scoreboard ticking over.
Remember, Bevo is chasing 7 runs for his milestone. Surely he could make 7 runs and
achieve 100 season runs! As luck would have it, it wasn’t on his side. Bevo dabbed,
edged, propped and swayed while Kleenex also dabbed, edged, propped and swayed to
better effect, including a lovely zak off the final ball he faced. Kleenex ‘carried’ the
innings with 29 runs and Bevo 2 runs. His milestone would have to wait, but the
partnership of 31 was a great effort and Da Famulee were 94 runs after 12 overs.

Given that Knuckles had secured our last minute 8th player, Monners, YCFTN felt it only
fair that they should bat together. Hersch said from the bleachers that “Monners can
play” and indeed he could. His first couple of shots, when Nooclays finally surrended
facing in their 1st over, were beautifully placed for 4 and 3 runs respectively. As Knuckles
said from the field, “He’s hitting them along the ground, surely that’s illegal?” Perhaps,
but their 2nd over saw Knuckles out twice and Monners out once and the thought of a
broken scoreboard (again) was likely, but they rallied against the Polar Bears by zaking
it up and finishing with a partnership of 37. Could’ve (should’ve?) been a few more runs,
but our umpire’s sexuality was questioned and they were denied.

After our allotted 16 overs, the Chickey-Duck-Things had 131 runs to defend.

So, off into field we go, YCFTN quietly confident that a win was assured against a side
that shows promise, is exactly that, only promise.

To open the bowling, The Chad is given the shiny yellow pill and bowls without luck, then
Kleenex, who is tormented with “One ah ah aaaah” and “Two ah ah aaaah” and fails to
secure a wicket but avoids a cha-ching, followed by 1st time Partridge, Monners, who
picks up his 1st wicket for Da Famulee. The 4th over of the match from Knuckles was
promising, a couple of dot balls, no wickets, and the total was 44 runs. We lose the skin.

Overs 5, 6,7 & 8 would be bowled by Bukkake, Bevo, YCFTN and Hersch in that order.
Why? ‘Cos YCFTN can!

Great start from Boo-Cake, who surely based upon his bowling performance this season,
couldn’t lose the Jacket from here, picks up a run-out 2nd ball, Bevo with over 6 fails to
secure a wicket, YCFTN is taunted with “That’s one ah ah aaaah” in over 7 for a leg-side
wide, and Hersch in over 8, grabs 2 wickets against his name on the scoresheet that
never lies. The Polar Bears manage 22 runs for their 2nd batting pair and compared to
our 2nd innings score of 40 runs (and if my maths is correct) Da Famulee pick up the
skin.

At the half way mark, when scores are compared, we were at 63 runs and the Polar
Bears were 66 runs. Surely…

After a quick team conference in the middle of the MCG while the batters changed,
YCFTN selects Monners to bowl over 9. Having now seen his form and determined that
he lacked a degree of Partridge mediocrity, it was only fair that Monners be given
another opportunity with the ball. Well, it was sorta mediocre by Partridge standards
with no wickets, but with the next over from The Chad, surely he could redeem himself
too! Nope, nothing doing their either. Sadly for The Chad, he bowled without luck. Could
it have been something to do with Knuckles not quite seeing the ball (again)? Could it
have been that we were replicating the form of the Aussies at the Gabba? Probably, and
perhaps a new crayoning is in the making…

Kleenex has over 11 and keeps the Polar Bears to a few ‘wuuuuuns’ and ‘twoooos’ while
Bevo, who is still unaware whether he’s reached his milestone at this stage, has a good
over, with a run-out made and credited against his name (on the scoresheet that never
lies). Alas, we lose this skin.

After 12 overs, the Polar Bears’ score was 102 runs. Still ahead on run-rate to Da
Famulee at the same stage, they need another 29 runs to tie, 30 to win.

YCFTN, in the interest of wanting to be another winning-est Captain in Season 17, will
take over 16, while Car-Keys would set us up (fingers crossed and much relieved that he
has been spared the dreaded 16th) with over 13, Knuckles with over 14 and Hersch
would take over 15.

The final pairing from the Polar Bears, it could be said, weren’t exactly their strongest
and so the usual fizz from Boo-Cake was there, coming in from over and around the
wicket, and they struggled to get the scoreboard to work in their favour.

Knuckles, remember, was still searching for 2 wickets to reach his milestone, and an
attempted man-kat backfired (cha-ching) and his 2nd over failed to produce the wickets
he was looking for. Would we have our hands in our pockets with this over? Nah, we’d
never do that! Unfortunately for Peter J, this milestone would have to wait for another
game. Hersch, with over 15, bowled tight and straight, secures a wicket and with YCFTN
to round up, it was going down to the wire. By the final over, only a handful of runs were
required for the Polar Bears to win and a wicket for Da Famulee was required for victory.

That wicket came on the last ball of the match. With one delivery to go, the Polar Bears
were 132 runs, 1 more than Da Famulee, and with The Chad fielding in the ‘Deathseat’,
the ball is dabbed to him, he collects, throws at the stumps, hits them, a run-out is
made, they lose 5 runs, and we’re home!

Much jubilation ensured! Our 4th win of the season is made and our attention turns to
finals. Surely we’ll make the finals!

Final scores: Partridge Family – 131 runs. Polar Bears – 127 runs.

Tooth Points:
Bukkake – 3 points
Hersch – 2 points
Kleenex – 1 point

‘Better’ batting scores
Kleenex – 29 runs
Bukkake – 27 runs
Knuckles – 24 runs

‘Better’ bowling figures
No one had a zak hit off their bowling (for a change)

Forrest

Game Statistics
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