Kincaid Chronicle

Season 17 opener

(Season 17 Game 1)

G'day fellow chickeny duck things, Dubyah here with another shite match report.
I turned up to the house of Blardyfarken for the usual game time of 5:30, and of course the umpires were still sucking on their durries, and da Famulee were in the bar.

All was right with the world.
Apparently I won the toss, and apparently I decided to bat. Woohoo. Myself & Hercsh went in first, poked the ball around and generally did enough to get the score up to a very tidy 37, 1 wicket, no zaks and no sways from memory.

Due to the fact that Kleenex and Schlang were drinking beers and I wasn't, they were put in next. Kleenex tried everything to get himself caught out by the opposition, but was unsuccessful until the very last ball. Schlang was a little better off giving 2 catches. The boys provided plenty of dabbages and spooning all over the court, a sway or two for a tidy 30, leaving da Famulee on 67 after 8 overs.

To the disgust of Bukaki (new spelling thanks to the umpire) he was made to put down his beer and take the field with Bevo. Now this was more of a Partridge pair. There was stumpings, stitch ups, sways and enough wickets to keep the crowd happy. Bukaki recorded the lowest on the net Zak ever, to bring up a fantastic score of zilch. Bevo however ensured the pair got 20.

Last in were Forrest and Sticks. Sticks managed to score 10 runs before he even hit the ball with the bat. Being a player short, the guys were able to pick the 2 worst bowlers to have another trundle. 60 runs later, the boys came out with da Famulee sitting pretty on 147.

Using the tried and true selection technique of "Eeny meeny miny mo", I threw the ball to Schlang… who started well with a wide. A stumping and 2 catches later, the scoreboard was broken on -9. Fresh from his great GF form, Kleenex was up next and bowled without luck for 9 runs… Ducks on 0. Next was Bevo bowling some quality fruit, which went 4 4 4 1 2 7 1 2. Ducks a little happier on 25. Thinking to myself that these batters weren't much chop, I had a bowl. A few runs and a couple of wickets later, the first pair came out with 22. Surely.

One of the next batters was a bit of a gun, so it was out with the heavy artillery. Forrest bowled some heat to get 1/0. Hersch suffered from "The Curse" and bowled well to watch dropped catches and a zak to get 0/13. Sticks bowled some medium fruit to cop a zak and 0/16. Boocakes bowled well to give Bevo a sharp stumping and 1/2. Didn't win the skin but the opposition was only on 53.

Next up was Schlang. The Ducks had promoted 2 of their best batters and they kept the runs coming for 16. I turned to Forrest to stem the flow of runs, and he did a great job getting a few dots and only 10 runs. Hersch again was unlucky not to get a wicket but kept their scoring to 11. Sticks bowled magnificently well to his field, a zak resulted in a run out to Hersch. Another dud ball also resulted in a run out. Some fruit was caught, leaving the batters shaking their heads and Sticker grinning with a mighty 3/-7. The Ducks third pair winning the skin but were kept down to 30.

The final pair included one of the duds from the first pair, so time for Dubyah to bowl again. Another 2 wickets for -6. Bevo the wicket taking machine had a great over, with a catch, 2 runouts and a bowled, 4/-10. Kleenex followed with a mighty 3/-5 after he was dudded by the umpire in a runout by yours truly. I question his secsuality (the umpire that is). Bukaki bowled some absolute fruit but thanks to some great fielding, 3 runouts gave him 3/-10 and Hersch plenty of bruises and an impaled leg. The last pair finished with -31 and the Ducks a poultry 52. Another skin and the game to the reigning premiers.

To quote Forrest "What a fine way to kick off Season 17 with a win of 95 runs. I'm sure Reuben is proud of the purple & lime green (may actually be dark blue wife beaters) who took to the Ducks in the kind of form only seen during a Season 16 Grand Final! Ably led by YCFTN, who also weaved captaincy at its best to secure 3 tooth points, we witnessed the curse of the tooth upon Hersch, an impaled stump on Hersch's left knee, Schlang's 1st zak of the season (and for da team) together with plenty of Boo-Cake's arousal as the keeper and Bevo's 'alternate' strip of long pants on a hot day."

Cheers, beers and all the good gear,

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