Of course, you realise that by playing Game 33, Tony is somewhat ‘calendar-challenged’ and it also goes to show that Da Famulee didn’t make the finals for the winter that was Season 14 despite protests of no second chance draw, no repechage, no round-robin elimination best of three see how you go next time!
Anyway, our selected side of Bukkake, Kleenex, Forrest, Sticks, Herschelle, Jacko, Gaz and Bevo assembled at 5:30, with 9th man Herc waiting in the wings. Suddenly the toss of coin is made and Herc yells from the side, “Forrest, you’re Captain, call!” Geez, thanks Herc, didn’t see that one coming! I yell “Heads” and of course it lands ‘tails’ and our opposition decide to bat.
I should point out at this stage that our opposition have also not achieved ‘Finals’ status, a team known as Ducks, Stupid & Clumsy. A quick check of Da Famulee website and the previous 32 games of season 14 has shown that we’ve not played them at all. Not once! Typical! Surely our luck will change, given that we’ve lost 10 consecutive games leading into this one.
As your duly nominated Captain for the night (YCFTN) and proud to be the big ‘C’, we take to the WACA and I give the opening over to Gaz, fresh from a couple of beers and ciggies. What a start! A wicket from his 1st delivery. Could this be an good luck sign? Well sorta, as Gaz’s first over produces only 6 runs. Then it’s Jacko’s turn with the yellow ball, and despite a lengthy absence from regular selection during Season 14, his form was showing but was wicketless. Kleenex takes the 3rd over and Bevo the 4th and with a wicket each to their names, Ducks, Stupid & Clumsy were 25 runs on the scoreboard.
A new batting pair come out to face Bukkake’s fine left-handed fizz with success, then YCFTN takes over 6, collects a wicket and also does his best “Harbour Bridge” fielding off his own bowling, Sticks takes over 7 without luck (again YCFTN repeats the “Harbour Bridge” – D’oh!) and Hersch takes over 8 with 2 wickets against his name.
At the half-way mark, Ducks, Stoopid and Clumsy have a total of 48 runs and Herc, from the safety of the stands, continues to count the ‘cha-chings’ for dropped catches. Rooby-Roo has also joined us to support Da Famulee.*
*May actually be heckling!
Into the second half we go and YCFTN selects Jacko for his 2nd over and a tidy over it was. His first delivery goes down leg-side and shouts of “Sure, sure, surely” are echoed with the prospect of a cha-ching for another 2 deliveries like that, but no, in true mediocrity, Jacko picks up 2 wickets from his fruit. Gaz follows with another fine spell, Kleenex gets 3 run-outs against his name during his 2nd over for Da Famulee and then Sticks is back for another over of bowling without luck, which includes being zaked. Never a pretty sight as he dutifully reminds us all that this club is phucked. Jacko’s custard-arm attempt of a run-out was a highlight during Sticks’ over. (Wig worthy, but YCFTN thought better of it in the end)
After 12 overs, the score creeps along by only 5 runs to total 53.
Bukkake comes away from keeping duties to take over 13 and sadly, gets spanked for 13 runs. Not quite what YCFTN wanted to see, so Bevo gets the yellow nut for not much better success, as he too is zaked. Over 15 goes to Herschelle who collects a wicket to keep our opposition from getting near a 3 figure score and then finally, the dreaded 16th and final over is taken by YCFTN, after which, Ducks, Stupid and Clumsy have amassed a final score of 88 runs.
As we come off the WACA, Herc kindly reminds us that 7 cha-chings were noted during our efforts in the field for dropped catches. Yeah, great, thanks Herc! Three of them were mine! Damn you!
Surely we couldn’t lose it from here?????
As YCFTN, time to select a winning combination of batters to hold up the fine tradition, but the likes of Border, Waugh and Gilchrist were unavailable and even though Dean Jones had just been given the flick from television commentating for racist comments, I erred on the side of caution and put Kleenex and Boo-cake out for their allotted 4 overs. What a start! Bukkake’s 1st ball is zaked, but we questioned whether it actually made the back net on the full, as we we’re sure it bounced just before. Still, the scoresheet never lies. Plenty of big bat swinging from Bukkake ensued with Kleenex playing a fine supporting roll of “wuuuuuuuuuuuns” saw the Partridge with a score of 50 after 4 overs.
Next pair of Sticks and Forrest (YCFTN) had a cautious start, with a run-out after attempting to steal an extra run in their 1st over. You’d think that with only 7 opposition players there’d be room for the steal, but no, Sticks’ poor run continued…but he did recover with some fine edge work off the bat, and it must be noted he did return a tidy positive with the bat, together with YCFTN. A partnership of 39 saw Da Famulee saw us being 89 runs after 8 overs. This placed the Chickeny-Duck Things 1 run ahead of Ducks, Stupid & Clumsy total score. Again, shouts of “Surely we couldn’t lose it from here?” were chortled.
By now, YCFTN had decided to put Herschelle and Jacko as our 3rd pair with Gaz and Bevo as the final pair, against better judgement and several protests from fellow players and supporters, as Gaz and Bevo have a history of batting together.*
*History may have actually played no part in the decision, it was purely for the sake of the kitty.
A wicket in the first over that Herschelle and Jacko faced showed their ability to get on with the job despite the setback, but together, they worked the nets beautifully after this, with Jacko notching a zak and Herschelle’s quick wheels between wickets, pushing the score along to 117 runs after 12 overs.
Yes, time for the final pair of Gaz and Bevo, who also have to select 2 extra bowlers during their innings. Whisperings of a minus 35 partnership could be heard by YCFTN as they make their way out to bat. Quick calculations would put us slightly behind if this eventuated. Surely? Well, judging by their 1st over together, they were way off the mark, as it produced 17 runs. That’s 17 positive runs, not negative and no flashing scoreboard. Well, not yet. Overs 14 and 15 were not as productive but as the 16th over was played out, Bevo decided to face all 8 balls (and subsequent cha-ching for his efforts) while a couple of nice stitch-ups between the lads saw them lose a few runs. (Was actually 20 runs). In fact, they made a minus 3 partnership, much better than the proposed minus 35, and Da Famulee finish with a victory.
Final scores – Da Famulee 114 to Ducks, Stoopid & Clumsy 88.
The winner on the night, the kitty! The sound of goldies falling, I’m sure, was music to Reubens ears.
Batting highlights – Bukkake with 30 runs, Forrest with 28 runs and Kleenex with 20 runs.
Zaks scored when batting – 2 to Forrest, 1 to Bukkake and 1 to Jacko.
Tooth points? Well, best check the website, especially given it’s nearly time for Reuben to award the converted jacket.