DUBYAH here, and if you thought my captaincy was bad, that’s nothing compared to my match report!
Picture, if you will, the House of Blardyfarken at 5:30pm on Toosday 18th of April. Standing outside the SCG were 9 Partridges all chomping at the bit to get out onto the pitch. Especially Rooby Roo, who went to great lengths to make it in time for the game. Alas, ever the gentleman, Kleenex sent her packing, whilst pointing out she was 9th Maam. All the while making promises on Reubens behalf that she would be in the team next week.
Anyhoo, after prodding Tony back behind the counter so our alleged Umpire Matt could get the game underway, I promptly won the toss and decided to bat. SURELY this was a good start…….
So in went Forrest and New (Improved) Tom to open the batting. A lusty blow from Forrest to get five off the first ball, and a nice looking technique from Tom had me hopeful of a good score after the boys scored 15 off the first over without loss. However some tight bowling (or perhaps questionable shot selection) resulted in the following overs going for -4, 13 and 4. So the boys came out with the score on 28.
Next in were Bevo and Skip. Although Bevo hogged the strike for the first over, the boys knocked up another 11 for the total. Then a few run-outs and Bevo’s questionable decision to charge the bowler resulted in overs of 0, 5 and -12 for a grand total of 4, with the team on 32.
Well, the team was in need of a good partnership, but as I was not willing to bat in the last pair, I was hopeful that Kleenex would overcome the handicap of batting with me, and we could post a hefty total….. alas the burden was too great as I could barely manage to hit the ball. That said, Kleenex hit a fist full of 2’s and hit the back net for a 5 to get us to 26. So with one pair to go the team sat on 58 runs.
Bringing it on home for the good guys was the formidable pairing of Hersch and Herc. As was the theme for our batting tonight, the first over was a good one going for 14. But then overs of -4, 10 and 5 kept the boys to 24 and the team to 82 runs.
Tom started the bowling, and proved to be quite a good over, and was unlucky not to get a few wickets, but restricted the batters to 6. Kleenex was up next with a bit of fruit to help the batters get their eye in and going for 1/12. Next up was Forrest, who bowled well, but the batters had their eye in and kept the score ticking over for another 12. With the vain hope of getting some wickets to win the skin, I threw the ball to Hersch to see if he could get another 6 wicket haul. Some more tight bowling went unrewarded and another 11 went on the score. Glad to see the back of that pair, the score was on 41… D’oh.
Hoping that our opposition put their 2 least competent batsmen in to chase the 4 run skin, I put myself on to bowl. An unusual over (for me) resulted in no Zacks and a 3rd dot ball stumping (thanks to some great glove work from Bevo) for an over of 1/6. Next up was Herc who bowled well for an over of 1/6. Next up Skip bowled some heat and also ended up with 1/6. Last over for this pair went to Kleenex, and thanks to an excellent slow motion run-out by Herc, finished with 1/8. The Bad Guys had a total of 67.
Bevo started off the bowling for the third pair, and was the lucky guy to be smacked for the first zack of the innings, for an over of 16. Hoping to fluke another good over, I came on and bowled a few dot balls, got one of the lamest run-outs you will ever see and finished up with 1/3. Tom came on again and bowled well but was unlucky to not get his first wicket for da Famulee. Forrest bowled his 2nd over which was pretty tight, got a stumping but then watched the last ball sail over his head for a zack, 1/13. That pair got 42 and the Bad Guys were on 109.
At this point Herc asked what magic I had left, and whether I was going to pull a rabbit outta my hat. Scratching my head, I replied that if we win this I’ll certainly be pulling something outta somewhere…. Certainly not a hat though.
Anyway the last pair came out, and Bevo decided to put himself on to bowl. He bowled some complete fruit, but a catch and a run-out on the last 2 balls gave him a tidy 2/0. Herc up next, his happiness at not bowling over 16 soon faded as a handful of 2’s and a zac gave him 0/18. Skippy was similarly happy not to be bowling last, but maintained the vibe by bowling well for 2/-2. Bowling the last over was Hersch. It went something like this: 5, dot, bowled, dot, run-out, 4, legside (ball to be rebowled), run-out, catch. Haha…. Lucky they re-bowled that ball so Hersch could get an extra wicket. That pair got a measly 7 so the Famulee won a skin…. woohoo….
So that’s it. Poor Captaincy resulted in a loss 116 to 82. Mediocrity reigns supreme. Kitty got fattened up due to quite a few dropped catches, and someone gave me a $1 tip when I collected the game fees.
If you’re still with me this far…
Cheers, beers and all the good gear,