The 10 Commandments
- Thou shalt, at all times, question the sexual preference of officials,
spectators and players alike. Name calling of such dubious quality such as
"poof" or "wanker" is encouraged, especially where it is
directly aimed toward thou own team-mates. Sledging of the opposition is not
encouraged as it is seen as a waste of energy, especially seeing as thou should
be directing such sledging toward one of our players.
- Thou shalt, at all times, enjoy any such proceedings that the Famulee engage
in. Failure to do so will result in a fine of one gold coin donation*, payable
to the treasurer after the following game.
- A fine payable to the treasurer at games end, of one gold coin donation*,
shall occur whence one or more of the following occurs :
- A successful mankad occurs. As all who have ever played this form of the
great game are aware, this is the lowest form of cricket skulduggery and a fine
is the most appropriate punishment available (an option was to
"deball" the player but this might be inappropriate if we have a
female gendered persuasion filling out the hallowed shirt).
- An unsuccessful mankad occurs.
- Where a player bowls more than 2 deliveries that incur an automatic 2 run
penalty, per over.
- Where a batsman fails to make a positive score. Making zero with the bat is
neither a positive nor negative and therefore is not fineable.
- Where a batting partnership fails to make a positive, both batsmen will be
fined. This runs concurrently with the previous commandment.
- Where a batsman fails to rotate the strike for the entire over (including
wides, no balls etc), thou aforementioned batsman will be fined one gold coin
- Failure to appear in such garb, or apparel, known as the "Famulee
shirt" (currently of Hawaiian persuasion) for the game, where the shirt has
been provided to thou player, shall result in a one gold coin donation*, payable
to the treasurer at games end.
- Any player appearing before the game in any other than the purple shirt
who uses a reference similar to "I have lost/misplaced the shirt", shall be
fined $35 instantaneously. Thereby alleviating the opportunity to flaunt
the previous rule.
- Failure to provide such garb, or apparel, where it is known to thou player
that thou will not be available for the following appointment at such venue,
shall result in one gold coin donation* per item, being payable to the
treasurer at games end. (For example 8 shirts = 8 gold coin donations*)
- Where a player denies knowledge of the rules, where it is fully known that
thou player has been provided with such rules, shall result in a fine of one
gold coin donation*, being payable to the treasurer at games end.
- An easy catch, hereby known as a "dolly" that is
"grassed" shall also result in one gold coin donation* being paid to
the treasurer upon games end.
- Any player "grassing" a catch which results in a zak (hereby known
as a parry), will be fined one gold coin (runs concurrently with the
previous commandment) whilst all other fielders in the team (and
Famulee onlookers) shall be heard to yell "PARRY" in delight.
- Any player "grassing" a catch from their own bowling, will be
fined one gold coin for failing to (runs concurrently with the
- Players not advising the captain* that thou are unavailable for the next
game, shall be fined one gold coin donation*, payable to the treasurer at games
- Any such player who penalises the side, via nature of an infringement, by
five runs, shall be penalised one gold coin donation*, payable to the treasurer
at games end. Each occurrence of such fine, shall be imposed upon in
- Any such player penalising the side thus, shall be recredited the one gold
coin donation*, where thou player drops in a four letter word directed toward
such authoritative official who originally penalised the side thus. On
occasion, placing two four letter words in thou same sentence, will be
encouraged, and one gold coin donation*, will be held in credit for such
- Any player arriving after the commencement of a game, shall be fined one
gold coin donation*, payable to the treasurer at games end.
- Any player found guilty of bringing the Famulee into disrepute, shall be
credited with one gold coin donation*, which thou player shall be required to
purchase a beverage from the upstairs establishment, hereby known as "the
- Any player found making a complete spectacle of themselves, whilst
displaying the Famulee shirt, will be rewarded with one gold coin donation*. A
player refusing to admit thou spectacle occurred will be fined one gold coin
donation* and such reward will be nullified. Thus, thou rule shall be in place
on court and at all times within the bounds of the venue. Spectacles such as
falling over or carpet burn on thou knee from "ordinary" fielding
attempts will apply. Judgement of such spectacles will lie with the captain* of
- Any player making s#xual references about another player's parentage or
their own parentage, shall be fined one gold coin*. "Continual" reference and
fines for abusing this amendment may result in that player being suspended
for 3 games.
- Any player deemed by the captain to be purposefully bowling wide of the
pitch (or in height), where it could be deemed they were not allowing the
opposition to obtain a "skin" or winning of game, shall be fined one gold
coin*. Where the captain is deemed to purposefully bowl wide of the pitch
(or in height), democracy will rule and the team of the night will vote as to
whether the captain receives one gold coin* fine.
- "all players must attend the upstairs facility* after each game. Those
players entering into debate as to who did and didn't attend, must have two
club members in attendance to verify the said attendance. The accusing
player, where it is found that he/she did attend, shall not be penalised a
gold coin* thereby promoting the banter within the ranks. Attendance prior
to the game will be deemed mandatory according to festivities as described
on the website by Reuben Kincaid".
- Paying a fine where no fine is payable. It has been deemed to be a false
accusation upon ones self and as such a fineable offence. And no, the fine
you paid to put yourself into this predicament is not classed as the fine
paid, you must pay another fine.
- Failing or refusing to comply with field placing direction by the Captain
will result in a gold coin donation to the Treasurer.*
- Where a famulee member plays for another team in the same grade.
- Where a famulee member plays for another team in the same grade in the
finals. (Runs concurrently with the previous commandment)
- Where a famulee member acts in such a way as to reduce da famulees
chances to get into the grand final and let mediocrity reign supreme.
(Such as winning whilst playing for an opposition side)
- Where a famulee member loses/misplaces/forgets/disposes of famulee
- Where a batsman is given out LBW whilst batting, thou
aforementioned batsman will be fined one gold coin (and be heckled
resoundingly by his teammates for all eternity).
- Where a player is runout after hitting a zak to the back net on
the full (thereby providing a 12 run turnaround) the zakee or their
batting partner who is runout (remember the scoresheet never lies)
shall be fined one gold coin.
- Where a batsman makes a negative score, he/she may opt to guess
their negative score. If their guess is successful, their batting
partner must pay the gold coin donation on their behalf. If
unsuccessful, the batsman must pay an additional gold coin donation
to da kitty.
- Any player incurring a fine while the "jackpot ball" is in effect,
shall see the fruits of their mediocrity "jackpot" in line with the
rules laid out by Tony Blardyfarken (i.e. double gold coin
donation). Bowlers who bowl an extra on the "jackpot ball" shall
immediately be on two extras on the over, and all fielders in the
team shall be heard to exclaim "TWO hah hah hah" and "SURELY" to
encourage the bowling of another extra.
- Whence a player fails to take at least one catch while fielding.
Tactics such as spoiling, blocking and sledging are therefore encouraged by
players who have already avoided this fine during the game to ensure the
kitty continues to runneth over.
- Failure to partake in Famulee engagements or activities shall result in a
one game suspension. To include thee, thou must, where directed, wear socks,
hat or other questionable attire to play thou great game. Where it is deemed
that the player directly flaunts this rule and is found to have purposefully not
engaged in such activities, thou player shall appear "dacked" in the
upstairs establishment and suspended for one game. Thou team mates shall holler
"pants down" and other such dubious cries, to the fun and jest of thou
fellow suffering team-mate.
- Where a player contributes a net value of a negative score three games in
succession, thou player shall receive a one game suspension.
- It is encouraged that team mates ensure commandment 5 is adhered to, and
somewhat tampered with, by attempting to run thou batting partner out on as many
occasions as is humanly possible, or misfield as many deliveries as
- If a player is to go through three successive matches without losing a
wicket whilst batting, this shall result in a one game suspension.
- If a player is to go through three successive matches without obtaining a
wicket in any form whilst bowling, this shall result in a one game
- All fines are payable to the treasurer immediately after the game, unless
previously notified. If a fine is not paid, thou fine shall double each week
until being paid.
- A "false accusation" will result in one gold coin donation*.
Anyone mentioning the phrase "Cha-ching" or "fine" where it
is definitely not payable, shall result in the fine being reversed and paid by
them, to the treasurer at games end.
One gold coin donation - must be of Australian currency
Captain - anyone who is deemed to take charge of such
aforementioned team. The e-mail address of whom is
Kitty - The vessel which contains donations and fines
Treasurer - The current holder of the Kitty
Facility - Currently the upstairs bar area at Weston ICA
Grassed - Where a fielder gets any part of their hand on the ball,
but does not complete the catch themselves, the 'grassee' shall
still pay a gold coin donation - even if a fellow fielder completes a catch.
Parry - Where a fielder doth get any portion of a hand on
a ball travelling directly from the bat to the back net that results in a zak
NOTE : All decisions are final and no correspondence will be
entered into. The score sheet never lies. The captain of the night is
responsible for making decisions regarding fines where they are subject to
conjecture. A "dolly" shall be voted upon by thou team mates (ie, you
havenít got a chance in hell of getting out of paying the fine!).